I’ve lived most of my life avoiding a lot of situations most people regard as “normal.” Whether it was because I was shy right from the unset or something related to my genetics, my life had always been different.
Starting conversations, talking to strangers, making eye contact, dating, or using public restrooms, are among the most difficult things for me to do.
The thought of doing any of them or even attempting any of them, always gets me overly nervous, uncomfortable, with my heart beating rapidly like it’s going to pop out.
But as time goes on, I’ve learned that the only thing that is making me uncomfortable in social situations is nothing but fear.
Overwhelming fears always make me want to avoid any uncomfortable social situation. Fears are preventing me from living my life like everyone else.
I realized that if I can address and get over my fears such as fear of being embarrassed or humiliated or fear of being judged by others, I will no longer dread social situations and the chances of experiencing social anxiety attacks will be less.
The thing is, most socially anxious people are dreading social situations or getting anxiety attacks when they’re actually in such situations due to some deep-rooted fears that are centered on the reaction of others towards them.
It isn’t as if we can’t perfectly do those “normal” things other people do almost subconsciously, but our fears or insecurities are simply making them more difficult than they seem to be. We, in turn, get overly nervous, anxious, and worried with the thought of attempting or actually doing things a lot of people consider normal.
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Social Anxiety 101
Social anxiety is a topic that has been around for a very long time. In fact, psychologists interpret it as those nervous feelings one has when he or she is in an uncomfortable social situation.
Furthermore, it can also be used to describe the sweaty palms we get before making a big presentation or public speaking, being clammed up when meeting someone we aren’t familiar with, or difficulty in making eye contact with others.
Like we all know, socially anxious people tend to live a life that’s different from other people. They’ll do everything possible to avoid most situations that are just normal to other people. Which is more destructive than it is beneficial to them.
The truth is, avoiding all or most social situations do not only affects one’s personal relationships but also makes him have low self-esteem. He might also swim in the ocean of negative thoughts, and depression. Worse, he’ll be extremely sensitive to criticism and have poor social skills.
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Why You Find Most Social Situations Very Scary
Many people have different situations that trouble them. Some find it difficult to talk to strangers. While some will do anything to avoid speaking in public. Others find going on a date nerve-wracking.
A few others find it very uncomfortable to make eye contact with people during conversations. And to others, they’ll rather sit all day without saying a word to anybody than to walk up to someone in the same room and start a conversation with him.
In other words, one may be comfortable with delivering public speeches but talking to strangers is dreadful. Or maybe you may not be finding it difficult to start or have one-on-one conversations with other people but going to a party is scary as hell.
In my case, giving public speeches or getting involved in debates is as easy as a pie but walking into a room full of strangers is not just cool. Just as going on a date or talking to some random girl is extremely nerve-wracking to me.
But the big question is, why is it so hard for socially anxious people to be comfortable in social situations?
Like I said earlier, the biggest reason why a lot of socially anxious people like me, dread social situations is usually as a result of fear.
I mean, the overwhelming fear of being judged by others in social situations. Fear of being embarrassed or humiliated which results to blushing, sweating, and shaking and most people believe that showing anxiety is a sign of weakness…
Fear of being the center of attention or fear of offending someone accidentally. The truth is, these fears are all centered on the reactions of others towards us and they’re preventing us from living our normal life. So how can we get over such fears and reduce the effects of social anxiety in our lives?
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How To Deal With Overwhelming Fears That Make You Dread Social Situations
Since the reason why we mostly find it difficult to do things most people consider normal is our fear of the reaction of other people.
Then, the best way to live a normal life where we can do virtually every “normal” thing is by conquering those fears and reducing their effects on us.
The result?
We will no longer dread or try to avoid social situations and even reduce the chances of having anxiety attacks in such situations.
The first step? Is to know that those fears aren’t really rational. Hence, you don’t need to go out of your way to avoid most social situations.
Next up, we are going to follow the magical 6 steps formula that has helped me overcome my unhealthy fears:
- Identify your fear — No matter the situation, you need to identify the specific fear that’s holding or forcing you to avoid the situation. In other words, you need to know whether it’s the fear of being judged, fear of humiliation, fear of being the center of attention, or fear of offending someone accidentally that’s making the situation more difficult than it is.
- Understand your fear — While the previous step has to do with singling out the specific fear that’s making you dread a specific situation, this step involves understanding the root or basis of a specific fear. By implication, when you understand your fear, you’ll know whether it’s from a past experience or imagination or whether it’s a logical fear or an emotional one.
- Change your standpoint or perspective — It’s like I forgot something. Understanding your fear will also help you see it from a different angle. Hence, it will be easier to change your perspective. This has specifically helped me to change the way I used to think about talking to random girls anywhere. Because I no longer focus on what she thinks of me. But on getting the best out of the conversation.
- Learn what to do in that situation — Since you’ve been avoiding the situation for a very long time, chances are there are a lot of things you need to learn to get the most out of the situation. Read books, read blogs, or even take courses if necessary. For instance, if you’re always anxious about public speaking, learning more about how to master the art will be a great boost.
- Build up your momentum — They say that practice makes perfect. That’s to say, you need to get your brain, mind, and body accustomed to the situation through some series of challenges, and don’t forget to intensify the difficulty of the challenges from time to time until you’re accustomed to the situation.
- Conquer your fears — The good news is, you’re no longer any different from other people. You can now confidently take charge of all those situations that used to intimidate you. Because you’re now used to all of them. Just go ahead and live a normal life!
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Final Thoughts
Outspoken and bold. No need to shy away from normal things or situations. Just you. And a confident you too. Imagine living a normal life like everyone else. Imagine being able to take control of almost all social situations you find yourself in. Imagine comfortably enjoying or getting a kick out of a party, get-together, or any other social situation. Imagine being comfortable in social situations any time any day. Without facing any anxiety attack.
For sure, it isn’t going to be easy as there will be times you can’t help but submit to those unhealthy fears. But it’s possible. As long as you’ll commit to reducing the effects of those rebellious fears.
Whenever I get anxious about doing anything, I remind myself that there is an irrational fear within that’s making me anxious. And I will follow the magical 6 steps formula to get over it and do that thing I intend to do. That’s why you should know this 6 steps formula like the back of your hand and your life will change for the better.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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