Beards are big business. They are hairy declarations to manhood and that declaration reads: “Yes, I may have food trapped on my face; yes there may be small animals living there; and yes I can’t eat soup, but I am a man.”
But what about the rest of us? What about the bald skinned, beardless losers of the world? I speak for myself here as beard growth is just not something I’ve been able to attain. After three weeks of trying I look like I’ve been kissing hedgehogs, and I have to shave it all off to avoid humiliation.
I could become a hermit until it grows in fully. I mean, I would lose my friends, my job and everything else I hold dear, but at least I’d be rocking a cool beard right? It sounds crazy, but I’ve decided right here right now (I really am that easily swayed) that that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
So, feel free to join me as we look at ways to quickly grow a beard.
There are many products out there that can help you to grow your hair in. However, just understand that hair growth rate is standard. We all grow hair at the same rate, even if it doesn’t feel like it. The reason that one person has different hair growth to another is because of the amount of time that their hair follicles spend in each individual cycle of growth.
Sounds complicated, right? Well, it’s actually quite simple and because it could be the excuse you were looking for (“it’s not me, it’s my face, I swear!”) you should check it out. You can read about the hair growth rate here.
Oils and Supplements
So, just what do all of these products do if not actually change your growth rate? Well, many of them extend the actual growing stage of the growth cycle. Some of them, such as castor oil, will kill the bacteria that sits on your skin (bet you feel itchy now) and inhibits growth.
Many of them simply change the condition of your hair, making it thicker and giving it more of a shine. So, while they might not give you a full bushy beard in a week or less, they’ll certainly make you look a little prettier. And isn’t that the ultimate goal?
Well, it is for me.
Don’t worry, I’m not going to tell you that your mother was right all along and that hair will grow back thicker if you shave it off. Chances are she just wanted you to get rid of that bum-fluff that you were so proud of (also, you won’t go blind if you touch yourself, not like that ever stopped you in the past…)
But shaving is an essential part of this. If you trim the edges, tidy things up and shave it into a shape that doesn’t resemble Grizzly Adams in gale-force winds, then it won’t look like a diabolical mess as you wait for it to grow in fully.
Trimming is also an essential part of keeping a full beard, because when it reaches that stage it can be wild. So I’ve heard.
Of course, there is more to shaving than just snipping off facial hair. That’s why this is a billion dollar industry and why there are so many top quality kits out there (and because people like to make money, who knew?). So, get the right gear and do it right.
Apparently there is a market for fake beards these days and apparently they look really good. I personally haven’t tried them. I did look into them, but then I found out they could be made from animal hair, at which point I got lost in a Google search wormhole that ended, rather strangely (as these things so often do) with me researching into whether rabbits fart or not.
But I have it on good authority that such beards do exist. Not only that, but you can also opt for everything from hair replacement therapy to transplants and more. This is beard growth for people who struggle to grow any hair and you’d have to be pretty desperate to consider it. But that just so happens to describe me to a tee.
So, bring on the face wigs.
Photo credit: Getty Images