The majority of people are so worried about having their “sh*t together” and appearing “competent” and “together” that they would literally rather be halfway down the wrong path than at the beginning of the right path.
Even if their soul is dead inside, just as long as it looks like they’re living well from the outside.
We will literally sacrifice and kill off our f*cking souls to avoid looking like lost little fools.
How f*cked up is that?
We would rather be dead inside than look stupid.
We’re more worried about our image than our relationship with ourselves.
This fear is the kryptonite of our dreams. It’s the lock that forever holds our best lives captive deep within the confines of our soul.
So we live for social media appearances, job titles and salary expectations. We live our lives for our perfect cocktail party elevator pitch about what we do and what we have.
We live like mannequins, stooping in the pile of sh*t we’ve created for ourselves and we dare not admit it doesn’t feel as good as it looks.
The key to that vulnerability and revelation that WE DON’T HAVE A F*CKING CLUE what we’re actually doing gets thrown into the f*cking ocean. So we smile, laugh, and tell people how great everything is going, and how happy we are, but deep down we know we’re not fully connected, not fully alive.
But we dare not explore this repressed part of ourselves because it’s going to rock the f*cking boat and challenge everything we’ve ever known. This lack of control of self rocks the mother ship of stability that most humans cling to like a life preserver.
This fear is shame protection from revealing our truest selves and not being accepted in our most honest expression in the social sphere we’re apart of, so we force ourselves to fit into whatever container we exist in, even if that container doesn’t actually fit with who we really are.
It’s more important to be accepted and feel like we belong than it is to come fully alive inside ourselves and be looked at differently by our peers.
Truth be told if you run from who you are, no matter where you go, you will never feel like you belong.
I know being a man, part of the problem here is what we associate with ‘masculinity’. Being ‘effective’ and ‘competent’ is more important than being passionate, expressive and in touch with our emotions. So, culturally and socially, men were actually rewarded and reaffirmed for disassociating themselves from their hearts, souls and emotions, and as a result, the truest and most expanded version of who they really are.
This is what keeps so many men down these tracks of ‘stability,’ ‘safety,’ and ‘practicality’ because appearing ‘unstable’ or ‘incompetent’ would discredit their very perceived level of masculinity.
This track of behaviour from men is driven from our primitive and biological desire to attract a mate (or several mates), while behaviour associated with your typical manly assertion of power is what women were biologically and socially primed for in return.
Success = Power
Money = Power
Power = Recognition & Approval
Recognition & Approval = we’re adding value and contributing something
But the over pursuit of approval and recognition is often a sign of an unhealthy relationship with ego. Or ego actually being asserted as a protection over a man’s fear or fear of being shamed for not being enough.
As men, we all desperately want to contribute, be of service and be of value. But the pursuit of contribution is not the problem; the problem is how so many of us go about trying to deliver that contribution.
The paradox here is that because we’re so desperate to contribute and provide something (to avoid our fear of incompetency) we actually rob making an actual true contribution because we never actually uncover who we truly are.
That’s because our purpose and true unique contribution arrives after we meet all parts of ourselves and integrate all that we are.
In fact, oftentimes our purpose lies on the other side of our pain. So, when you disassociate, avoid, or turn away from your pain, you actually turn away from the opportunity to find your purpose as well.
Purpose and true integrated masculine power comes as a result of integrating our shadow (parts of ourselves we avoid or have disowned).
OUR UNIQUE CONTRIBUTION TO THE WORLD = uncovering who we truly are (all of our unique gifts and talents) so that we can impact the world and those around us in a way nobody can but us.
Our Unique Contribution = THE RIGHT PILE OF SH*T
But we are so focused on simply having a PILE OF SH*T TOGETHER that we don’t ever create THE RIGHT PILE OF SH*T.
Because finding the right pile of sh*t is a f*cking journey of walking through a lot of the wrong sh*t. You need to literally spend years treading waste high through so many giant piles of the wrong sh*t.
The wrong piles of sh*t are necessary on your sh*t journey!
Because only by experiencing the wrong piles of sh*t are you able to recognize the right sh*t when it smears all over your brand new f*cking boots!
And you’ll be like yup, this is the right sh*t god d*mn it!
I knew it the moment I stepped in this sh*t!
This sh*t has got my soul written all over it!
I got sh*t on my boots and it feels f*cking great to be alive!
SOME PILE OF SH*T = minimal contribution from a fear mindset
THE RIGHT PILE OF SH*T = maximum contribution from an abundant and courageous mindset
But too many people stop at the first pile of sh*t they find!
And as a result, their soul eats sh*t!
The big problem here is that, socially, we reward people for simply creating piles of shit without investigating the actual quality or fulfillment of the pile of sh*t.
So, we gather greater recognition and approval for creating piles of sh*t that make our actual souls feel like sh*t.
This creates so many misaligned piles of sh*t.
This creates piles of sh*t that aren’t soul sh*t.
They’re success for the sake of success sh*t.
But success without soul investment is a hollow piece of sh*t with a glittery exterior.
The pile of sh*t trifecta.
1. Marital Status? Married. That sounds like a solid piece of sh*t to me!
2. You own your own apartment? You don’t just rent? Well I’ll be d*mned, I know a real quality pile of sh*t when I see one!
3. You got a good education and a good job (one that I can identify with and isn’t some of that new age social media/online bullshi* that I don’t understand/can’t comprehend) that pays you a solid salary? Now that’s a pile of sh*t I can identify with!
We simply define success but what it LOOKS like from the outside but not actually what it FEELS like from the inside for the people who are living it.
That person who is married might actually have a sh*t marriage.
That swanky new condo might be the home of a life that feels lonely and unfulfilling as sh*t.
That job with the great salary might mean this person you admire works crazy as sh*t hours and their health is sh*t because of it and their stress levels are high as sh*t and they are lost as sh*t because they had a father that was a piece of sh*t who forced them to do this sh*t and never let them decide on the shi* that actually made them happy.
See, success isn’t just about creating a pile of sh*t, anybody can create a pile of sh*t, that’s easy, the hard part is creating the right pile of sh*t.
THE RIGHT PILE OF SH*T = TRUE ABUNDANCE
TRUE ABUNDANCE = several piles of aligned sh*t flying all over the f*cking place
Cause you can’t be successful if your soul isn’t engaged in the sh*t you’re doing.
And you can’t be successful if the sh*t you’ve created doesn’t make you happy.
Happiness is the currency of soul wealth.
Soul wealth comes from taking a big giant fat f*cking sh*t of the right pile of sh*t and marking your little skid mark of greatness on the world.
I have spent the last 7 years of my life not having my sh*t together. Cause I was searching for the right pile of sh*t to build. I was never somebody that could build a pile of sh*t that didn’t make me feel alive. It took me 7 years of writing almost every day to find my voice. It took me 7 years of allowing myself to be lost in a lack of sh*t and mostly the wrong sh*t for me to fully contact the right sh*t. For me to fully contact my power, my area of genius, my path to greatness.
Trying to create a life that you’re passionate about and a life that feels really f*cking good is really f*cking hard. I have lived the hell out of it. I have experienced rejection in just about every form. I have been to rock bottom more than once. It has been a wild f*cking roller coaster. This is why so many people just settle for the first pile of sh*t they squat on without searching for THEIR SH*T because they can’t bear the thought of not having their sh*t together. So they take some sh*t just because of the fear of having no sh*t.
But it takes risking not having your sh*t together in order to get the right sh*t together.
It takes you literally years of crawling through the wrong sh*t, eating sh*t and having it spew all over your f*cking face before you find the pile of sh*t you are meant for.
Cause in order to find YOUR SH*T it takes understanding what it means to not have any sh*t or to be digging through the wrong pile of sh*t. People that are successful in a way where they have birthed their wildest dreams into the world with intention will understand this. They will have a story unlike anyone. They will have uncovered what is unique about them and maximized success around the unique pile of sh*t they were destined for.
It takes a lot of courage. It takes being okay with being written off by your peers and those who think you’re f*cking crazy and are never going to amount to anything. It takes a literal insane degree of self-belief to be able to commit your life to this itching, and yearning desire in your soul that you are meant for something greater. It takes faith and believing in something greater than yourself. It takes a spiritual connection in your being that can feel the energy of things and allow yourself to be guided by this energy.
I am entering a phase in my life now where the past 7 years of being lost, not having my sh*t together and digging through the wrong piles of sh*t is about to pay off in a way that is literally going to be the right sh*t exploding all over the f*cking place like a confetti of magical sh*t.
To an outsider’s eye – it would appear I was lost, struggling, searching and then I just got lucky. But I have been building and sorting through so much sh*t for the past 7 years that I should have an undergrad, masters and PHD in SH*T by this point.
But people who judge and make assumptions about your sh*t are doing so because they don’t feel fulfilled with the pile of sh*t they’ve created.
I was voluntarily choosing to not have my sh*t together because I was only worried about having the right sh*t together. I didn’t care how my sh*t or lack of sh*t looked to others. All I cared about was how my sh*t felt to me.
THE SH*T OF MY F*CKING DREAMS.
So if you don’t like what my sh*t looks like from the outside, tough sh*t, this sh*t feels good to me in my soul, so you can go and eat sh*t.
Previously published here and reprinted with the author’s permission.
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