I wish I could say it all starts in college, but it typically starts even sooner among men: the infamous pornography craze. Throughout my adolescence, watching porn was discussed openly with little to no shame. It was irrelevant whether the porn consumer was sexually active or using porn as a substitute for sex; my (straight male) peers associated masculinity with the need to engage in sex in any way possible, as often as possible, and as long as possible. This was normalized to the point where even if porn wasn’t your thing, you had to feign interest in order to be considered normal.
This did not change so much in college, which is why I was surprised to read that liberal college students are now trying to ban porn from campus WiFi networks. I cannot imagine such an effort taking place ten years ago, when I was a (radical feminist) student at the University of Maryland. I recall Ron Jeremy debating a (still relatively liberal) pastor in front of a full crowd at the student union and getting far more cheers than jeers. The on-campus theater screened the movie Deep Throat without incident. One of my roommates held a porn-watching party with an equal distribution of men and women and did this despite the fact that my other roommate was a devout Catholic. ‘Liberal male college students petition to ban porn’? I would not be surprised if this were the headline of an Onion article before it became reality.
Even if anti-porn campaigns continue to spread in the #MeToo era, it’s a losing battle given its undeniable popularity: Pornhub alone received 28.5 billion visits in 2017. This is an astronomical figure. This is the equivalent of 4 unique visits for every man, woman, non-gender-conforming individual, and child on earth.
It should go without saying that the vast majority of actual visitors are men. What’s less obvious is that it’s possible to watch porn regularly and function as a normal person. Only a tiny percentage of porn consumers allow it to impact their daily lives. In other words, the image of the over-sexed middle-aged man who can’t go an hour without getting off and puts his marriage and career at risk is more nightmare than reality. The average porn consumer is virtually indistinguishable from someone who abstains from it.
Do men like porn because they are ensnared by the violent, misogynistic patriarchy — as some on the left might claim — or because they lack (the right’s religious-based definition of) morality? Setting aside the fact that not all porn was created equal — as in equally misogynistic or immoral — not every orgasm has socio-political implications. Sometimes people just need a quick release after a stressful day or a convenient distraction from the sordid truth that they are old, deformed, disabled, or otherwise prevented from achieving their wildest sex dreams. These consumers are not hurting anyone, and, so long as it sticks to willing (adult) actors, pays them well, and does not allow or promote violence, the porn industry is … well, I will admit that the porn industry still hurts some people some of the time, especially if they go into their first sexual encounter knowing nothing but what they learned from porn. This would be a disaster.
I will concede that an awful lot of men do indeed like porn and that there are consequences as a result. But we should not overreach in our opposition. Despite what some students wrote in their letter supporting the aforementioned ban, there is no evidence that porn “prevent[s] men and women from encountering the full personhood of one another in friendships and relationships.” It’s hard to imagine anything short of death having that kind of power. Let’s be adults about this.
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Male Stereotype Number One: Men Don’t Cry
Male Stereotype Number Two: Men Don’t Ask for Directions
Male Stereotype Number Three: Men are Competitive
Male Stereotype Number Four: Men Don’t Cook
Male Stereotype Number Five: Men are Warriors
Male Stereotype Number Six: Men Are Clumsy
Male Stereotype Number Seven: Men Are Aggressive
Male Stereotype Number Eight: Men are Either Good or Evil
Male Stereotype Number Nine: Men Can’t Be Friends with Women
Male Stereotype Number Ten: Men are Strong
Male Stereotype Number 11: Men are Breadwinners
Male Stereotype Number 12: Men Don’t Refuse Sex
Male Stereotype Number 13: Men ‘Manspread’
Male Stereotype Number 14: Men ‘Mansplain’
Male Stereotype Number 15: Men Don’t Listen
Male Stereotype Number 16: Men Are Better Drivers
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