Yes, I am married to a woman who knows, accepts and supports my attraction to men and their penises. She and I have conversations about men, and the pointers I can provide her. I am her best straight friend and best gay friend all at the same time!
Unfortunately, most women usually run the opposite direction very quickly and inflict painful rhetoric, due to their own sadness and insecurity, when men reveal they are bisexual/homosexual. After my revelation of my bisexuality, Abby stood beside me and actually helped by allowing me to witness her free spirit and her own authenticity.
Abigale graces me with unconditional and unbiased love and allows me to live authentically. Many men cannot say the same about their partners, married or not, and trudge through living a compromised life. I can say that my wife helps me live without compromise.
In the Beginning
Abigale and I have been together for nearly 10 years. We started dating in college and have grown from young, naive adults to parents managing the journey of life. We have experienced and managed much more than most couples. For example, we have conceived two children who are five and four, born just 11 months apart; experienced divorce and deceit, and practiced absolute forgiveness, among other events.
Up until my revelation of being a bisexual man she always questioned if I was gay. Every time she asked (it was more than just a few times) I always answered no because I knew I was not 100% homosexual. I wasn’t lying . . . about that! That didn’t mean deceit was absent since I was not revealing my true self to my soul mate for fear of losing her. I did know in my heart that Abby was the person I wanted to experience life’s joys and sorrows with so I behaved in ways I thought were best to keep her standing beside me. That worked for only so long. The weight of not being truly transparent and authentic can only be held for so long before anxiety, depression, and sadness became unmanageable.
I Was Not Providing What She Needed
It did not work long because I could not provide. I could not be her man because I had not established the man I needed to be for myself. How could I be the man she needed and wanted? By not providing, we grew apart. We started to avoid necessary conversations and difficult discussions. She was experiencing postpartum depression but was unaware it was affecting her and was in denial. I was not providing for her needs and desires because I was trying to make our life (mold) mimic the lives of others, and this caused each of us to not truly embrace one another. And as independent as my wife is, she initiated divorce proceedings because we couldn’t provide for ourselves and each other. Divorce for her was an escape from the apparent life filled with pain, fear, and discomfort.
The Big Revelation
Our divorce lasted nine months. We divorced in July, reconciled in November, moved back in together in February, and remarried in May. In February, after years of speculation, Abby finally heard from me that I was bisexual. While she was away, during our divorce, I explored and admitted my bisexuality: through researching, TV shows, reaching out to others, etc.
Upon her return, Abby also did her own research. She uncovered some TV shows that related to the bisexual/homosexual culture, and one night in bed, she asked for the last time, “Are you gay?” Abby immediately knew from the expression on my face and prepared for my response . . . I couldn’t hide it any longer. “No, but I am bisexual,” I said and continued to reveal to her the idiosyncrasies. She took her time to process, but we are still married today and will continue to be for the foreseeable future.
The love that exists between Abby and me will not tarnish now that we are providing the love and our authentic selves to one another. After our reconciliation from divorce and eventual remarriage, I wanted to lead a transparent and honest life with Abby and for myself, in order to continually grow the love I have for her. Abigale provides me the best of both worlds, no pun intended: the opportunity to spend my life with my soul mate but also allows me to live without compromising who I am.
I can be the man I want and do not need to fear any longer that Abby will be disappointed and presumably leave me. Now I know, without question, Abby has unconditional love for me. Before I just hoped and presumed, but with the divorce, reconciliation, and my revelation, I fully understand that Abby will stand beside me with her unconditional love always. Our love is authentic, real, and will never be unbound. Our love is in our control and we have the power to create continually our love.
Abigale has provided for me the life I always wanted and never knew I needed. My wife is the person that helped me realize that I could have the courage, wisdom, and power to start being truly authentic without fearing the opinion of others. My journey with my wife isn’t without difference of opinion, arguments, and frustration, but includes comprehending that my wife makes my life and that her support and love assists me to guide myself and others genuinely. Without it, I wouldn’t fully comprehend and witness unwavering love and support apart from my parents and family.
Abigale taught me how being in love with someone feels. She made my heart become more alive and allowed me to finally be myself . . . 30 years in the making. With everything she provides me, I have to say that the most important thing for me is the fact she doesn’t pass any judgment on me or others.
Abby has helped me to express my bisexuality. By standing beside me as my wife, she reminds me daily to act in ways that make me most happy. She reminds me that if you love yourself, then others will see your love and provide their love, too. She has provided me encouragement to be myself, the wisdom to realize and accept that my bisexuality is part of the man she fell in love with, and the courage to be comfortable with all parts of what makes John Moore.
I have had countless men reveal that I am so blessed to have a partner that accepts me for who I am without judgment. For this, I thank my wife every day for her unconditional love and support so I can be a truly bisexual man and embrace my authentic self. I, in turn, can provide her authenticity and even better security because I am finally my true self, and more secure.
Men, long story short—be yourself and own all of you. Your partner will respect you and in turn, you will gain the power, courage, and wisdom to love unconditionally. Without my wife, I wouldn’t be able to be an advocate of bisexuals. With her unconditional love, I can stand here today to express to other bisexuals that life will go on and, owning your bisexuality needs to happen.
Thank you, Abigale.