Why do so many women lament the lack of good men?
Ladies, where can you find a good man nowadays? Recently this has become a burning question for women, and seemingly no one can provide a satisfactory answer. The holiday season is fast approaching, and I know plenty of girls who will be lamenting about not having anyone to kiss under the mistletoe or to bring to those stale office parties.
As a happily coupled woman in my twenties living in New York City, I am frequently asked by my single girlfriends to help them find a good man. Maybe my boyfriend has some single friends I could introduce them to? Sure, I say, he does. At first they get a happy glimmer in their eyes, but then the questions begin:
“Does he live in Manhattan? Because I refuse to leave the island for anything or anybody.”
“Um, yeah he does … ”
“Did he go to college? I am so done with dating models and actors that can’t string two words together.”
“OK, well what does he do now? Does he make enough money?”
The 21 questions continue, until the girl doesn’t find an answer she was looking for to a couple of them, and the date is over before it began. She crosses off yet another potential suitor from her radar before even laying eyes on him, just because he doesn’t pass the extensive checklist that she has subjected him to. Afterwards, or the next time I see her, the subject of how hard it is to find a good man will surely come up once again.
I wonder, when did we as women become so demanding of our partners? After gaining all the rights and privileges that the men enjoyed over the past 40 years we are more than capable of taking care of ourselves financially and emotionally. According to a New York Times survey, young women in metropolitan areas out earn their male peers, women everywhere earn 60% of bachelors degrees, and dominate 12 out of 15 industries projected for rapid growth in the next few years.
These days, it is a very real possibility that a woman might be more successful professionally and earn more money than her potential suitor, yet we are still looking for a man we can look up to, in more ways than one. (Did I mention he must be over six feet tall?)
By striving to find that elusive man who is more educated, has more money, comes from a respectable family, and is perfect in every sense of the word women are once again reverting to the ways of their mothers and grandmothers, when being with a man of a higher status was the only way to move up in society.
The mentality of looking for an accomplished man was understandable fifty years ago just as it is understandable now. After all, no one wants to be with a deadbeat.
However, we forget that now a man of status is not our only way to move up in society and ensure a successful life for our offspring. It has been ingrained in the female psyche to look for that strong alpha male to take care of us from the beginning of time, first because we needed him to fight off the lions in the jungle and carry wood for the fire, and later when we were stifled by laws and societal constraints that favored the men and weren’t allowed to pursue our dreams.
Thankfully, now we have become equals at last. Women are rapidly taking over the workforce, and men are moving over. If women comprise almost 50% of the workforce, we surely don’t need a man to pay our bills, do we?
True equality means helping each other along the way; it means that it is OK to earn a higher salary or be better educated than your man. I am not advocating for successful women to be dating unmotivated men, but to realize that it is you who might be the power player in the relationship.
I want the ladies who complain about the lack of good men to open their eyes and look around. Maybe your New Year’s resolution could be to cut a couple of prerequisites from the must-have list, and who knows, the ideal man might be around the corner.
Read more: Why Do Men Marry at All?
Image credit: Rose Robinson/Flickr