You either love it or hate it. JJ Vincent is among those who *&^%[email protected]# love it.
Ask pretty much anyone for a list of classic Christmas movies and they’ll list the usual suspects: Miracle on 34th Streets, It’s a Wonderful Life, A Christmas Carol, Charlie Brown Christmas, Rudolph, Frosty, How the Grinch Stole Christmas. If they don’t say “Christmas Story” or “that BB gun movie” or some other obvious reference, ask them, “What about the ‘leg lamp’ movie?”, or, “What about the ‘licking the frozen pole’ (or some other iconic scene)’ movie.”
There’s a good chance that their eyes will get wide and they’ll respond with the movie’s name,or several quotes, or key scenes, or a face of disgust.
For some reason, this is a polarizing movie. People either love it or hate it.
The haters? Maybe it’s because of the annual marathons. Maybe it’s because a kid wants a BB gun or gets cheered for beating up a bully. Maybe it’s because a kid winds up with a mouthful of soap.
The lovers? Maybe it’s because just a fun movie, and we know we’ve all been Ralphie.
I’m a lover. And I suspect may others would feel the same.
1. It’s real. We’ve all known a grown-up who said to never ever say bleep bleep bleepity bleep, because those are bad words, right before, “”My father wove a tapestry of obscenity that, as far as we know, is still hanging in space over Lake Michgan.”
2. We’ve all been embarrassed by a parent or SO. I don’t care how enlightened you are. Someone has done the equivalent of “leg-lamped” you.
3. Someone has crushed our Christmas dreams. Repeatedly. And then someone redeems them. And then catastrophe strikes. (spoiler alert!)
4. Deep in our hearts lurks the fear that any given holiday celebration is one tiny step away from disaster.
5. How many of us have sighed a sigh of relief when our familes, subconsciously influenced this movie, have decided to eat dinner out?
6. We’ve been the victim of someone who was just watching out for us.
7. We’ve said That Word at the worst possible moment.
7. And finally, two words. Pink. Nightmare.
If you haven’t seen this yet, don’t worry. I’m sure the internet is hiding it somewhere and it’s about to be in heavy rotation on basic cable.
If you have seen it and love it, raise a glass of Ovaltine in Ralphie’s honor.
And if you hate it? I advise taking the batteries out of the remote, or someone in your house is going to channel surf to it and stop. And you’ll be hosed.