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I definitely manifested it. Like, I somehow did this to myself.
Walking through the aisles of Target, a thought occurred to me. I’ll probably run into her here at some point. She always is in here. Jesus, that would be super awkward.
Well, yes. It was super awkward when on my way out the door I ran straight the hell into her and her mother. Her shoulders tightened, head went down and I stopped in my tracks for a moment.
Just a year ago, we would’ve hugged.
This particular friendship ended in February. I should’ve ended it sooner, but instead she just stopped speaking to me. No clear reason as to why (she is notoriously bad at communication), but in the end it was definitely better for my mental health.
Actually, the night we stopped speaking, I met one of my current best friends. And from that friendship formed multiple other friendships. But that’s not even what I’m trying to get at here.
The thing is, the way that friendship ended was exactly the way that friendship always was: silent. Not that we didn’t talk, we just didn’t talk about anything important. Never addressed our issues with each other.
And so I noticed this pattern. Another friend recently left my life. Moved out of the city without even telling me, but that’s exactly how my friendship with her was. Me, over-communicating and her — uh — super under-communicating.
Everyone who has left my life was never surprising. They always showed me who they were, I just didn’t usually believe it. And you don’t really want to believe it. Like when you pick up those little things in a partner. Only to get really hurt. Just the way you thought you would.
Then in that goodbye, they leave more predictably than you thought they would. Because you want to believe them. Like I really really wanted to believe in them.
Now I believe what I see.
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Originally Published on P.S. I Love You
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Photo by Mantas Hesthaven on Unsplash