What men talk about when we talk about porn.
“She’s hotter than hot! She’s amazing. She’s a dream “— revealed my friend, who we’ll call Mellow Yellow.
I’m not sure what compelled Mellow Yellow to tell me about his favorite pornstar, but I thanked him for this hot tip. After all, I was not familiar with her work, and I’m admirer of the pornographic arts. Though she was no senior citizen, we’ll refer to this adult actress as The Golden Girl.
So, I scurry home. Use The Google. And it turns out The Golden Girl is quite popular.
She was definitely attractive. Her cosmetic surgeries seemed minimal enough to maintain the girl-next-door-thing that works so well in adult cinema. And, whether via personal trainer or a hearty appetite for illegal stimulants, she was quite slender. The Golden Girl was tramp-stamped, but not the way of some overly-tatted pornstarlets whose large neck tattoo scream: “Porn is my life because I can never be hired for an office job.”
Much to my surprise, just forty-two seconds into her work and the Golden Girl was urinating all over her co-star.
She was pornstar — a Golden Shower pornstar. And, for me, aside from the occasional jet-ski rental, I’ve never been a fan of watersports.
Had Mellow Yellow assumed I too enjoyed goldenshowerpower? I never asked. Just like he had never asked if I liked that genre of porn before offering his glowing and revealing recommendation.
Guys, Guys, Guys…
A trip to any porn tube site reveals category after category of sinful variety, suggesting that we don’t we all jerk alike. As men, we’re like pervy snowflakes, each possessing a dirty pornographic desire with which to scratch a unique itch of orgasm.
Like one snowflake to the next, we don’t realize how truly different we are. While most us of have some affinity for the standard issue pornstar (big-fake-jugged bleached-blonde), we need to realize how truly special our tastes are.
In this era of porn-specialization, revealing your favorite pornstar is revealing your favorite genre. And in Mellow Yellow’s case, revealing your favorite genre is probably revealing way too much.
So, guys, if you want to be gentlemen, keep your favorite pornstars a secret! That is, unless you want to unknowingly reveal that you get self-jiggy to leather-clad Middle Eastern midgets on tricycles.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that…
The text of this article was originally published here by Just A Guy Thing.
Photo by Aoife