A grizzled, Gen-X writer gives some valuable ‘love advice’ to The GMP’s female readers.
Hey there. It’s me again, Simms Jr., the Guy With A Beer. Look, through my writings, digital correspondence, and…bars, I’ve talked to numerous women about the dating game. Mainly, love. And, I’ve told women there IS a way to find the man of your dreams, to settle down, to get married. Ladies, you wanna know what the secret is?
There IS no secret. No potion. No trick. Ladies, love just…happens.
That’s it. It just happens. Love happens when you make a hurried trip to the DMV, and you put your hair in a ponytail, and you threw on sweats. And the guy behind you melts because of your natural beauty. Love happens when you are in the grocery store, buying fruit, and a guy asks you questions about kiwi fruit. And he falls for you because you were the first woman he’s met in years who had an intelligent, strong opinion on any subject. Love happens when-we-aren’t-looking.
I get it. Women finding a husband (or a boyfriend) is something women are conditioned to do (that’s for another column). Marriage for most women is the endgame. But, ladies. You can’t plan to fall in love. You can’t scheme for it. You can’t schedule for love. The cosmos doesn’t work that way.
The one thing you can do (I’ll expand on this topic in a future column), is to totally be yourself. That’s what you want a man to fall in love with, ultimately. If you are witty and sarcastic, be witty and sarcastic. If you are bright and earthy, be that. The worst thing that you can do is to twist your looks, personality, and overall DNA to please a man and make him fall in love with you. The man of your dreams, he’ll love your quirky humor and your love handles.
Ladies, just… live.
See you next column, and after the next beer.
Originally appeared at Examiner.com
Photo—fensterbme/Flickr
I think you missed my point, a woman should be choosey, so she chooses the right man that suits her. This mean she has to have a god idea of the sort of man that she wants, and sure, this takes time, you figure this out as you go along. Any men who do not fit her criteria, she shouldn’t both with. This goes both ways obviously, men need to be selective as well, and when two people who know what they want can find a match within each other, shit will be hotter than the sun. believe me, I’ve… Read more »
A man needs to feel challenged, and by that I do not mean a woman needs to get her bitch on, which is an instant turn off. It means she needs to be selective, and have a good idea of what sort of man she wants. If she can make a man feel like he has connected with her, and making a connection with her is a rare and special thing, like he is worthy of her, because she knows what she wants, and she’s looking for specific traits, then he will feel more deserving of her. I’ve been in… Read more »
I always feel awed with this „she has to be able to make me feel like I‘m connected to her“ „she has to challenge me“. It sounds like woman is somehow bound to know what makes you feel like you‘re connected or what you consider a challenge and all the success of the relationship rests on her ability to keep the fireworks of interest going. I witness too much women falling for this „keep him excited and interested“ trap, while also blaming themselves for failures of the relationships, as all the media and men keep on repeating that if a… Read more »
You can’t really plan for compatibility, but for both genders, you have to go out and do things to meet people. It is a bit cynical but if you have no hobbies where you interact with people, if you want to make friends/loves, you should try out hobbies that involve others even if just for the sake of meeting people. You also should aim for things that make you more attractive (though there is a certain balance to it). That’s why I’m wary of “be yourself” . It is a given but can be misconstrued by many as an excuse… Read more »
Oh and just to add, not all women want to get married. Just saying.
@ your comment: “Women finding a husband (or a boyfriend) is something women are conditioned to do”
One paint brush stroke it’s not! Haha.
Another great article, Greg.
Diz,
We’re told repeatedly that, if we seek out men/take initiative, it “Kills the spark” and “Makes [us] look desperate.”
Iben,
Agreed.
Hi Greg I agree with you,love happens when you least expect it. But look at what you write here,you advice to women: ✺”The one thing you can do (I’ll expand on this topic in a future column), is to totally be yourself”✺ Have you seen how many men on GMP reacts with fierce anger and they protest loudly when women tell them to “simply be yourself” when they want love to happen( or have a sexual happening) That is a message they see a dishonest. Take some time Greg and think about it. Is it possible that men never expect… Read more »
“Be yourself” is what I call Mom Advice–the kind of well-meaning but useless guidance you get from someone who already knows you and cares about you. It pretends that women don’t have standards or a checklist they’re trying to complete.
And the ‘just relax’ message here, though clearly well intentioned, implies that MEN don’t have standards either. (Of course, we’re not supposed to, because Every Woman Is Wonderful and Shouldn’t Have to Change, but that’s another matter.)
I’d suggest going back into this topic and exploring it in more depth.
It just happens to women because they don’t seek out men in the same way that men seek out women. I would wager that most women would have more satisfying relationships if they took the initiative with men they liked.