What would a biography look like if it was comprised solely of social network updates?
Doug Bond asked himself this very question and the results are hilarious.
Bob checked in via AmnioGram.
Bob passed his first stool on DiaperSwiper.
Bob got synched to the Bedtime Story Screensaver on his SpryPod and finally went down for his nap.
Bob lost Mayor status at Steve Googlegates Zuckertweet Elementary School by getting punched in the nose for refusing to yield the Four Rhombuses court to a 6th grader.
Bob’s enrollment in WispyCloud Computing Camp was terminated due to flagrant violations of the MyFrog user agreement.
Bob developed early onset carpal tunnel syndrome and had his X-Rays posted on Splinterest.
Bob changed his avatar using Fake-ID-Me, enabling him to temporarily upgrade his account to PowerStalker on Sintendo’s SexParty (Turkish edition).
Bob cheated on his SAT’s using AnswerScan for Mandroid.
Bob almost scored a “Nine” playing Spring Break ScoreCard with RackTrax.
Bob joined 346,859 other Bobs getting “Completely Shitfaced” playing “Hey Bob!” on ChugChat.
Bob proposed to Siri by embedding a QR Code into a diamond ring hologram.
Bob hacked into Siri’s OS to disable the HubbyTrax GPS system.
Bob added a couple of kids on FamVille.
Bob was endorsed by his neighbor Trudy for Sexting and Selfies on the SkeevieTV Network.
Bob changed his relationship status.
Bob likes Porni.
Bob was added to the “Loser’s Network” on Left’Out.
Bob needs only two more missed payments to level up on DeadBeatDad.
Bob completely lost his marbles on InSanify.
Bob was pinned to the “He Crapped his Pants!” board at 1.800.Rehab4U.
Bob added the ReaperMan playlist to his queue on iToast.
Bob downloaded the spirituality portals MeetYourMaker and EnterTheKingdom.
Follow Bob eternally @OurBobWhoArtInHeaven.
Are You Sure You Want To Delete Bob?
– Sent from Bob’s Mobile Phone