Life coach Steve Horsmon reveals a secret: guys, your wife expects you to know what emotional safety means to her.
Emotional safety is important to both men and women. Without it we feel unsure about opening up and sharing sensitive emotions and thoughts. Fear of being judged, criticized, or ignored will shut down any hope of communicating at a deeper level on just about any topic. This absolutely affects the ability of two people to connect on an intimate level.
Now, show me a man who has neglected his job in the emotional safety department and I’ll show you a man who has an unhappy marriage and an unsatisfying sex life.
Men always ask me:
Your words can convey either respect or disdain. Your tone can make her feel loving appreciation or disappointment.
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- Why is this MY job?
- Why do I have to go first?
- Why doesn’t SHE have a role in making ME feel safe?
The answers have to do with the way we are biologically wired. They have nothing to do with who is stronger, smarter, or more rational. Men and women are absolutely equal, but we are not the same.
♦◊♦
Your wife or girlfriend is naturally gifted with the ability and intuition to sense your intentions. This means that she will consciously or subconsciously react to your energy and intention. This is her programming and secret power. As a man, you do not have this gift. This is why it is your job to behave in ways that create feelings of emotional safety. This is your special gift and secret power.
As your relationship has developed, she has internally cataloged hundreds of emotional data points from you. She can immediately sense what your intentions are when you speak to her or about her, touch her, walk past her, and even when you close a door. It is up to you to understand this and choose to be intentional with your words, tone, and behaviors.
Your words can convey either respect or disdain. Your tone can make her feel loving appreciation or disappointment. Your actions will communicate either resentment/anger or calmness/self-assuredness. She feels these from you, although she will not usually tell you this directly. But you must understand the enormous impact that your negativity has on her ability to trust you, respect you, and be attracted to you. It is entirely up to you to choose the messages you want to send her.
Even if they buy into this, many men will say, “Well, I can’t be responsible for how she processes her stuff. It’s not my fault if she is reacting to me.”
Horse hockey. This is like saying you’re not responsible for understanding the emotional needs of your child. Or, you’re not responsible for understanding the mission of your company. Or, you’re not responsible for the consistency of your golf swing.
If you want to improve your marriage and your intimate life, you have the responsibility for learning what is required. You do not resent the basic fact that she needs you to provide emotional safety. In fact, when you become aware of and committed to your masculine role, you find something else is true. The process of becoming that man is extremely rewarding and fulfilling in itself. It feels like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders when you understand and accept what is needed from you to create emotional safety for her.
This process also opens up lines of communication and sharing that you didn’t have before. She is able to reciprocate with words and actions that make you feel safer. You have finally allowed her to feel comfortable in communicating her intimate needs and desires. And, you have created an environment in which her confident feminine nature will emerge to understand and meet yours.
This article originally appeared, in slightly different format, at Goodguys2greatmen.
Photo Public Domain Photos
I wish more men understood this. The last guy i dated never made me feel emotionally secure, and no matter how much i tried to explain this to him, he would dismiss me and or try to control or punish me….do bunch of moronic things to project power, manipulation and control. It might have worked with a more insecure, weak girl – though i doubt it would have long term.
Do you know how this ex is doing now?
Thank you for this.
Thank you Steve.
Steve Being responsible for understanding and reading the emotional needs of a child is necessary to raise them since they lack the experience and brain development to properly articulate their needs. I have little desire to be with a woman who is a child in this regard. A closed mouth doesn’t often get fed. There is an inherent assumption in your thesis that unless a man creates a safe emotional space then such a place one doesn’t exist in the relationship already. It takes a certain amount of bravery and the ability to take risks to be in the world… Read more »
Hi ogwriter, “There is an inherent assumption in your thesis that unless a man creates a safe emotional space then such a place one doesn’t exist in the relationship already.” This is correct. And I would agree that if you’re in the process of choosing a mate, one should should be wary of partners who demonstrate a childlike neediness for coddling, approval, and safety. As you know, my context is a strained marriage relationship or LTR in which those unhealthy feelings have grown as a RESULT of the relationship. Thousands of men and women enter marriage with pre-existing fears and… Read more »
About the mindreading cited by several people above. I have a special issue with women who have expected me to read their mind. Even if I have a good notion of something a woman I’m with wants from me, she needs to tell me. I once dated a lady scientist (from the Midwest and I think that this is relevant) who expected absolute mindreading. When I tried to get her to vocalize her wishes, she accused me of being a touchy-feely West Coast person, which of course I am. Needless to say, the relationship didn’t last long.
Well she wasn’t the woman for you. Also the point of the article is not being a mind reader. A woman or a man should never be a mind reader. The article discusses something far beyond reading minds but be proactive in creating a safe space to be emotional and to accept others emotions. Communication in love can definitely go farther than people realize.
The problem I see with the advise in this article is it takes two people who are supposedly at odds and each with possibly a long list of grievances and puts one of them in a very vulnerable position to be exploited and emotionally abused out of the others “righteous anger”. I spent nine months “bailing the water” in a relationship. My partner used that effort (and her intuition) to manipulate and emotionally abuse me while she “got even”. Two adolescent children are what kept me engaged because otherwise I would have absolutely walked out. It wasn’t until I was… Read more »
Thanks for sharing that, Rick. I feel for you and your experience as I know the emotions well. You are the guy I write for. Battling for your marriage AND your own self-respect is a balancing act. Your values matter. Just because you admit you haven’t been perfect is no reason to accept crap from anyone. “Righteous anger” in their problem, not yours. In the situation you describe , it’s critically important for the man who has admitted some fault and who has chosen to “bail the water” to make some commitments to himself first, then to her. They might… Read more »
With the addition of the boundaries you listed I think the advice is really spot on. I believe the chance of successfully resolving these sorts of conflicts goes way up if the guy is the first to step up and show he’s actively working to make the relationship work. A person can only try their best. Even if mistakes were made in the past, putting forth an honest, total effort is all one person can do. Unfortunately, many guys don’t have the experience or knowledge to know where to even start. I was flying by the seat of my pants… Read more »
A partners’ job is to create emotional safety. It isn’t about gender. We all need it. And women and undermine it just as quickly as men can.
https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/hesaid-how-narcissism-harms-your-relationships/
What exactly is a “life coach”?
Is this the same as the dudes I see in their Starbucks office telling people to make lists?
So I guess gender essentialism is all fine and dandy, so long as it makes women look better?
The problem I’m seeing with this article is that it smacks of gender essentialism: “Men are this way; women are that way; they’re both alien creatures to one another, and there’s nothing that can be done about it.”
How would you even begin to apply this advice to a homosexual relationship? What are lesbians supposed to do, just sit around “intuiting” each others’ feelings without ever speaking and waiting hopelessly for the other woman in the relationship to “make her feel emotionally safe” whilst never thinking of extending the same courtesy to her girlfriend because “that’s just what women do”?
And gay men must be completely unable to communicate with each other at all. They would have to sit around each waiting for the other to tell him how he feels and it never happens….
I think if people read this less in terms of absolutes and more in terms of general tendency they’d pick up some pretty insightful stuff. Yes, highly intuitive men do exist but at a far lower frequency than highly intuitive women. No one is offended if people say men TEND to be more physically able than women…
This is pretty good marriage advice in my opinion. This author works with men looking to improve their marriages. Of course his advice is going to be about what actions the husband can take to make things better.
Well said!
Let’s say for the sake of argument that women are in general better at reading emotional signals than men are. If so, I agree that we should look at this as a general tendency not an absolute truth. However, that also means that some women may be overestimating their perceptiveness. (Or underestimating, for that matter.) We should all be cautious about how perceptive we think we are. I have known quite a few women who assumed that they were intuitive, perceptive, sensitive, and good listeners just because they were women. And, by extension, they thought they could tell me how… Read more »
As a woman and as a medical scientist, I find this article very accurate and compelling. Reading the other comments, I was shocked to see how many people seemed opposed to the idea of a “woman’s intuition” as if it were some outdated philosophical trope. When I read this article, I found myself interpreting this sensitivity as a very real evolutionary manifestation of my gender. Having just completed my thesis on the response differences to danger in males and females, I found overwhelmingly that women have a more sensitive trigger to things like body language and tone of voice. This… Read more »
yes, women have intuition, but men have too. Its not women traits at all.
And all the things you described, I have experienced it, AS A MALE.
See???
Absolutely. I never described these things as exclusively female. What I was illuminating is something that males, especially close-minded ones, have trouble understanding. I was saying that we are currently finding scientific evidence that women experience some things more acutely due to an evolutionary survival mechanism. Women are more responsive to emotional cues as a way of protection. This has developed over time. While men can understand this, it is only a periphery empathy, or surface understanding. What you’re trying to say sounds similar to you claiming to understand you know what it’s like to have a menstrual cycle because… Read more »
” Perhaps, as a male, you can tell me what’s it’s like to be afraid of rape on a first date?”
Really? It happens…… Women are not unique in that. Trans,Gay,Bi or straight men are coerced in having sex quite regularly. Statements like that are really un-needed.
It’s unneeded? Is that why you didn’t answer? This article is, presumably, about a straight man and a woman in a relationship. Let me rephrase my question so that you can try to understand my point: as a man, how often are you afraid a woman is going to physically hurt you? How often does a woman “give you the creeps” so to speak? This article spoke in generalities, which can be helpful, but by no means are set in stone. I was simply offering justification as to why (some) women are more sensitive to certain behaviors. The fact that… Read more »
“fact that people accept men *in general* to be physically larger than women, and yet cry “sexism!” when emotional differences are revealed, does not make sense to me as a scientist.” perhaps we can talk another differences between men are physically larger than women. How about many believe men have more intelligence in math and science? Do you think its sexism? I DO I believe men and women both have same emotional and intelligent capabilities. Yes we are all different, in one case women are more emotional and in another case men can be more emotional. Those differences are not… Read more »
You can believe it’s sexism, that’s your prerogative. Men (again, in general) do show greater abilities in spatial reasoning. Why this is so, is another argument. But as a neurologist I can exhaustively detail brain differences between males and females. I don’t understand why this makes people uncomfortable. Of course our capabilities are equal, I never argued that, but we are not the same. It’s an insult to both our genders, and every other physiologically unique individual, that people keep insisting this. It wasn’t until we discovered feminization and masculinization of the brain in utero that we realized homosexuality and… Read more »
Just Spatial reasoning? How about those believes that men are just smarter than women. Back then in the old days people wouldn’t believe if you said you are a neurologist and you are a woman, because back then people believe its men traits to be intellect, while women traits to be emotional. And I don’t understand why you feel you are insulted just because I said men have same emotional intelligence as women. I don’t feel insulted when I hear people said women are as smart as men in science, math, engineering, and arts. I’m an engineering student, I don’t… Read more »
It is hard to understand you when your posts are so full of grammatical errors, and I am very much trying to understand you, so please be careful. I did not say I was insulted, I said it is an insult to any gender, or perhaps I should say “sex” to be more genetically based and accurate, to say there is no difference. You and I are not talking about the same thing here. I conceded emotional capability is the same, and I believe, unique to each person. What I speak of are genetic predispositions to emotional states based on… Read more »
yeah I never live in English speaking country in my whole life, sorry for my bad english
Its your believe, but its my believe that although men and women have differences, like hormones and genitals, we have far more similarities.
And the emotional intelligence is one of our similarities.
And believe me, although my major is petroleum engineering, I do know what are you talking about, about hormones, chromosomes, etc. My English is not so good so its hard for me to talk long about science in english like you did. ( My name is John but actually I’m Asian and I live my entire life in Asia )
You are writing quite well for having English as a second language, thank you for explaining that to me. Indeed, we do have more similarities than differences, John. Genetically, we also have more similarities than differences with chimpanzees. I have a feeling, though, that the differences would be a bigger deal to you if you were in a relationship with a chimpanzee. Differences will always be present in relationships, due to gender, upbringing, taste, temperament… The list goes on. It’s how we choose to deal with these differences that effects the health of our relationships. I felt that this article… Read more »
Let me rephrase my question so that you can try to understand my point: as a man, how often are you afraid a woman is going to physically hurt you? How often does a woman “give you the creeps” so to speak? amy, funny you that you should ask trey that. however as he hasnt replied to it, i guess he doesnt want to talk about it again. women can use implements to strike a man (and if a man thinks about defending himself, he has to worry that his attacker will concoct a story to the law, saying he… Read more »
No, I don’t like retelling that incident with my downstairs neighbor yet again, being told it can’t really happen to a guy gets old. instead I’ve related a couple of other incidents that were more creepy than anything else……. and I know it can’t just be me……I’m far from pretty/handsome/tall/thin/rich, if short broad-chunky guys like me have had to deal with this shit then it’s far from uncommon.
” Let me rephrase my question so that you can try to understand my point: as a man, how often are you afraid a woman is going to physically hurt you? How often does a woman “give you the creeps” so to speak?” I’ve had both happen, Please remember that violence can be done by proxy…. or weapons, or economic means, or the same way a 50lb police dog subdues a 250 lb suspect….by all out attack . I’m far from pretty or tall or rich yet it’s happen quite a few times in my 50 or so years. The… Read more »
I’m sorry to hear you went through that Trey. You bring up a good point, men are helpless in another way, and women absolutely need to be cognizant of this. I should have clarified that what I speak of is a constant, pervasive fear that women carry at all times, presumably due to their size and their far more frequent victimization (especially due to interpersonal violence.) This has led *some* women to develop a heightened social sense, which can be called intuition, and which can be misapplied to innocuous situations, such as when a partner shouts or criticizes. I didn’t… Read more »
I’m not familiar with this research, so I’ll have to respond out of curiosity as an outsider. Being sensitive and being perceptive are not the same thing. “Sensitive” doesn’t necessarily mean that a person can accurately interpret someone else’s feelings. It could just mean that she reacts easily to what she detects as an emotional signal. When you say women are more sensitive to the emotions of others, how much of that could be explained by a more sensitive fight or flight mechanism? Someone who is very easily alarmed by someone else’s behavior could be completely inaccurate in her assessment,… Read more »
@wellokaythen Excellent post! You seem to have discovered my leap in logic from the sympathetic nervous system response to intuition. Very perceptive of you! Indeed sensitivity and intuition are not the same. My paper was actually about the sympathetic nervous system response differences due to gender and as I completed it last month, it is not yet published, but I would love to send it to you! It could be available through the medical school I attend in Boston, but I will only share that information privately. I referenced about seventy sources, each one fascinating in the gender differences they… Read more »
@Amy Friedman: ” While men can understand this, it is only a periphery empathy, or surface understanding. What you’re trying to say sounds similar to you claiming to understand you know what it’s like to have a menstrual cycle because you’ve had a cut that bled profusely. ” Newsflash: Power hierarchy in society is not a gender-binary thing. There are hierarchies within male populations too, as well as in female ones, I guess. I don’t know a single man who doesn’t have quite a sensitive trigger for risk and danger from the people around. Contrary, I think there’s quite a… Read more »
@FlyingKal You are absolutely right that these hierarchies exist for men, in a way that I can’t completely understand and it is a field that fascinates me. I believe the sensitive trigger you speak of is based on salivary cortisol- stress hormone- levels (which men have in slightly higher levels) and what I am talking about is a more subtle and constant trigger which correlates to baseline plasma cortisol levels (which are higher in women.) So similar, and certainly understandable, but different. And these differences really matter in a relationship. For you to ask if there are really more female… Read more »
There you have it. Scientific evidence supporting the existence of women’s intuition. For me personally I need to figure out what cues I’m giving off that make me seem a threat. Because I really have no idea.
@PursuitAce
Here you go, this should clarify for you:
http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2011/12/dont-be-a-creeper/all/1/
Oh yeah, really clarified it. You can put me back on ignore.
I kind of get the feeling from the “intuition theory” that the women who detect your emotions know how you’re feeling even better than you do. Just ask these women who feel uncomfortable, and they will inform you about what your intentions are….
Amy, It is often difficult for those who do not have the level of training you do to put explanations of the sort you gave into context. Even though you put many of the things you explained into lay terms, there is a level of understanding required to apprehend the message you are conveying. Having taken a basic Biopsychology class myself, while I do not have nearly your acumen or training, I do feel I understand your basic message here and I completely and totally agree. The masculine vs feminine brain is also a difficult subject to understand because (from… Read more »
“As a woman who has been shamed and blamed for her need for emotional safety all too often”
The reason why my previous relationship fail is because my ex only care about her emotional needs, but she didnt think that I have emotional needs too, she only care about her feelings but doesnt care about my feelings . That’s why I hate this whole women more emotional thing. Yeah you can be emotional but please think that men have feelings and emotions too. When a woman get into that phase, only care about herself, I call them crazy and demanding.
“As a woman who has been shamed and blamed for her need for emotional safety all too often, it is refreshing to hear from a medical/scientific perspective that there are valid reasons for my reactions to certain behaviors and that I am not merely ‘crazy’ or ‘sensitive’ or ‘demanding’ in asking for accommodation.” All that is OK “if” you also you accommodate your partner on a equivalent basis. To often women pick and choose from both the traditional and progressive relationship styles what would be in their favor, leaving their partner not only with their incompatible requirements but also little… Read more »
@Becca Thank you so much for your post. It’s heartening to know my point came across and was understood, and your elaboration on the masculinization and feminization of the brain was spot on. I did saturate my posts with a bit too much science, but it became incredibly frustrating when John kept insisting there was “no difference between males and females” like some crusader for the Borg, when I really think we should acknowledge and work with our differences instead of denying them. And to hear you speak of exceptions was an exceptional relief! I tried to emphasize the generality… Read more »
“Your wife or girlfriend is naturally gifted with the ability and intuition to sense your intentions. This means that she will consciously or subconsciously react to your energy and intention. This is her programming and secret power. As a man, you do not have this gift. This is why it is your job to behave in ways that create feelings of emotional safety. This is your special gift and secret power.” Are you kidding me? Seriously, I’m asking if you’re joking. Because when I read this, I tried very hard to figure out if you were trying to write a… Read more »
This makes a lot more sense to me if I think of the article as something written to make the author more popular with women. Or, it makes sense if I picture this article as a business advertisement designed to convince wives to send their husbands to the author’s life coach practice. I never assume that an article written to men actually has men as the intended audience.
I can’t say one way or the other that this is really the author’s motivation. All I can say is that this interpretation makes some sense to me.
This article is full of gender stereotype and myth. Hmm, as a men who support feminism and believe equality, I really want to know the opinion of women and feminists here on GMP. HeatherN, Julie, Joanna, what are your opinion about this article? Because really, I wanna know this from feminist point of view. Although I do acknowledge the good intention of Steve for writing this article , about how men should understand his wife (EXACTLY like women should understand men in my opinion ), but I cannot agree with whole this major differences between men and women Steve wrote.… Read more »
I am not her emotional tampons.
Its all made up, I would never be a ‘tampon’ or a suppository,
but as coaching goes, there is some truth here worth looking at.
Who can we be for our intimate partners that make them happy?
Giving and receiving emotional support is one of the most fundamental things about having relationships (either romantic or platonic).
A person who throws around the phrase “emotional tampons” sounds like someone who is too lazy to work on their relationships.
If women want (and expect) us men to lead the way and magically know which way to go without asking(although they are the ones possessing this magic intuition stuff), then how come we always get criticized when we’re going somewhere and won’t stop and ask for directions…?
🙂
My special gift & secret power is to behave in ways that creates emotional safety for her, hmm, generosity in goodwill, being proactive & less selfishness is one thing, but being subservient to her happiness with no reciprocity on her part because I am the man!!!, talk about defined gender roles according to the politically correct, Oprah Winfrey in the 80’s style of relationships , as a matter if fact your article if it had been published back then would had made guests or experts on her show. The sad reality is I believe you are giving the wrong assumptions… Read more »
I got one thing to say and that is ” a wife’s job is to create emotional safety “, it might be hard to understand for guys who so chivalrous, that they treat even strange women as damsel’s in distress at the slightest indication of discomfort on her part.
“She will consciously or subconsciously react to your energy and intentions…” During this past rollercoaster year of health crises and various medical procedures, I have had to lean on my family members and friends….I couldn’t always depend on my husband for support…sometimes he was distracted or just not listening….sometimes I think if I just texted him he would pay more attention than if I was speaking to him face to face….lately, he is trying to be more supportive, but I get the feeling he would rather be talking about something else or be somewhere else….we drove past his ex-friend walking… Read more »
As a woman, I’m just going to say, it is totally a woman’s job to make her man feel safe. Make him feel safe talking to her. A safe, non judgmental place where a man can make mistakes without feeling like he’s talking to someone’s mother. A safe place to express himself, without being made fun of for being who he is. And a safe place that doesn’t expect him to do brave things just cuz he’s a man.
Kat, you made me sniffle. What did he do to deserve you? That was beautiful.
How do you feel about a man who also wants to do the same for you – the way YOU like it?
Steve, how is your opinion about Kate comment? Because in Kate comment, she take a role as a man in your article. My opinion is, we men and women actually are not really different. Many men can sense something from their spouse. Many women cant. Its not really women or men ability. Your article saying men are like this, women are like this, bla bla bla. But its really the truth? I think if men and women both think they have a job, same job, to make him/her safe emotionally, the divorce rate would be low, because clearly, men and… Read more »
Hi John, Kate doesn’t take the role of a man. She has clearly accepted her “job” as an incredibly important feminine force in her relationship to “lead” him to emotional safety he way HE needs her to. Women SHOULD want to do this for their men. Women share a leadership role in the relationship. It is a learned skill. It is given differently to him than he gives it to her. My message is consistently informing men that if they expect that kind of treatment from a woman, they need to go first. If they refuse to, they don’t deserve… Read more »
There are no rule men should go first or not. Its created by society, not biologically, NOT. If they love each other, both would not have wait for his/him partner to go first. If I read your article and Kat comment, clearly her point is the opposite of yours. She didnt wrote anything about whether men should go first creating this emotional safety. She only thinking about her partner emotional safety. She taking charge. She think creating emotional safety is her job, she doesn’t wait her man to create it first. THAT’S REAL LOVE. In love you dont expecting anything,… Read more »
Aren’t these things (“make me feel safe”, “creating a space with no judgement”, “creating emotional safety” etc) what we all want from out partners? Why the gendering? I don’t see how that accomplishes anything,
Yes, clearly. Remember the context. In the huge majority of troubled marriages I work with, the cause is the erosion of emotional safety for many reasons . The history of negative behaviors between both partners is to blame. It’s not “gendering” to say that most women in these cases need the man to initiate the reverse spiral. She must respond…but she needs him to go first. There is way too much hurt and resentment and fear. Why does she need him to go first? Who cares. “Step up quit your whining” is the message I think men need to grasp.… Read more »
Well, see – I’m not so much worried about fixing a broken relationship – I’d much rather not get in that situation in the first place. I understand your advice was given in the context of troubled relationships, but that subtext did not make it into the post on GMP. Instead, in the above post, it is morphed into a general advice that “guys, your wife expects you to know what emotional safety means to her”. And to me, that is awful advice. It’s the kind of advice that could destroy the relationship. For both men and women, being told… Read more »
I’m going to assume that this originally appeared for a predominantly male audience, or roughly as male as this audience. In that sense, since you are talking to men for the most part, the focus is naturally on what a man can do if something needs to be done to save or improve a relationship. I get that, and as such, the action suggested, minus the justification for the action, is pretty sound advice. But you lose me with the justification. It feels like you’re selling a brand when you describe men and women in those non sequiternew age/1950s terms.… Read more »
In the context of a sinking ship, sure, someone has to start bailing water. I think it’s decent advice in the sense of, “hey, if you’re the guy in this couple and want to do something, here’s a place to start.”
But the title is pure crap. And putting the onus on men and gifting women with superpowers of perception and men with superpowers of making women happy… is not far behind. If the editors bent your words… my condolences. Their efforts make it harder to appreciate the valid points.
They did not bend my words….the core message is mine.
I don’t understand why a man would consider it a burden to choose to make a woman happy if he knew she really enjoyed it in specific, subtle ways. If you had the power to cause good feelings in someone else, what reasons would you have for not using it? Same goes for women, of course.
If you had the power to cause good feelings in someone else, what reasons would you have for not using it? I don’t see anyone saying they would not. Do you? However, I see several people questioning your assertion that women have an innate ability to sense a mans intentions. I see people comparing the ability to “just know” to superpowers and magic. And I see people saying they don’t want tio be told they should be able to “just know”, without being told. Because that sets you up for failure. I think that creating the expectation in couples that… Read more »
Ha, you too? ;^) Let’s compare how badly we each got cleaned out. How big was your “50%”? Rhetorical question, there. I understand your point. A guy needs to know where to draw the line. In this case, they both would like to find a way to stay together and be happier. If she doesn’t step up as I mentioned in another comment, it’s time for him to consider his options. It was the 30 yr. experience I had that led me to my conclusions and my efforts to help men in the same boat. If a guy thinks he… Read more »
Sorry but this seems support the cherry picking of interpersonal benefits from both the traditional and progressive styles of marriage. Women have just as much agency and culpability as men do in a marriage. Reaching a happy/reasonable compromise is the equal responsibility of both partners, be they man / man, woman / woman, woman / man, cis, gender queer, trans or A