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Whether it’s your best college buddy, a friend from your fantasy football league, or your brother, you’ll want to be there for the groom in the time leading up to, and on, his big day. To be a great groomsman means to plan ahead in terms of time and money. After all, standing up in the wedding party isn’t just about joining in on the wild weekend in Vegas or making a tearjerker speech at the engagement party; it also means making a commitment. With these guidelines in mind, you’ll be off on the right foot as you help your friend make his way down the aisle.
Scheduling Your Time as a Groomsman
Many weddings are planned months in advance of the big day. This gives the couple time to make all of the arrangements, which include the engagement party, tuxedo fittings, bachelor party, rehearsal, etc.
If your schedule keeps you on a short leash, you may want to talk to the groom and best man about this. Let them know how much lead time you need in order to be able to participate in any pre-wedding events.
Below is a general timeline of anticipated events that you may be expected to join in on in the months leading up to the wedding.
Nine Months to a Year before the Wedding
Check with the groom about any kind of travel or lodging arrangements that may have been made for guests coming in from out of town. Engagement parties may also be scheduled around this time, so plan accordingly.
Five to Six Months before the Wedding
Decisions on the groomsmen’s attire may be finalized. Also, this is a good time to talk bachelor party plans with the best man and other groomsmen, particularly if the group is thinking of something that requires a lot of leg work, like a weekend trip to that hunting lodge upstate or tickets to a hotly anticipated college bowl game. Depending on the dynamics of your group, you may have to help with planning all of these details, or the best man may grab the reins and ask for nothing more than a check.
One Month Before the Wedding
The final tuxedo fittings should be set (that means aiming to stay the same weight and size until the wedding; no juice detox two weeks before the big day!). This also means it’s time for the bachelor party and any necessary recovery period!
On the Wedding Eve
A rehearsal of the next day’s ceremony takes place at the wedding site, and all groomsmen are expected to attend. A rehearsal dinner, usually hosted by the groom and his parents, follows the rehearsal, so make sure you set this entire day/night aside.
On the Wedding Day
Today is not the day to hit “snooze” a half dozen times. Punctuality is key for the wedding party, and you may want to ask the groom or best man beforehand when you’ll need to arrive at the wedding site. A good rule of thumb is thirty minutes before the wedding is supposed to start, but there may be photos or other activities planned before the ceremony, so be sure you know the schedule ahead of time.
Financial Obligations as a Groomsman
Every wedding is different. The costs that you may be responsible for will depend on the couple’s plans for their special day.
It’s always best to overestimate your responsibilities just in case any last-minute changes occur, causing you to have to pitch in a little extra to cover some unforeseen costs.
In general, most groomsmen can expect to pay for:
- Tuxedo and accessories: You should plan on having to cover the rental or purchase price of your tuxedo. Sometimes the groom will offer to pay for groomsmen’s apparel, but you should be ready to do this yourself. Keep in mind, there also are the shoes, cufflinks and tie you may need to account for in order to complete the look.
- Travel expenses: Groomsmen coming from out of town to attend the wedding should be prepared to pay for their own travel expenses. Occasionally, the couple may offer to pay for some or all of the travel arrangements, particularly if a destination wedding is in the works. However, you should include this cost in your expense budget so that you’re covered.
- Lodging: Visiting groomsmen need to prepare to pay for their sleeping arrangements while attending the wedding. Depending on the number of out-of-town guests the couple is expecting, you may receive discounted group rates at a specified hotel. Check with the groom to be sure you’re clued in on any deals that may have been arranged.
- Engagement parties and/or bachelor party: The maid of honor or best man will handle the details of these parties, but you should be prepared to contribute a portion of the costs if asked to do so. When money is tight, you may want to offer up your budget limitations to the best man before he plans a weekend road trip to Miami in a fleet of rented luxury cars. Know that it is perfectly acceptable to decline tactfully if the financial burden is too much for your budget.
- Wedding gift for the couple: Most couples register at one or two locations and select items with varying price tags. Be sure to check these early so you’ll have a chance to purchase a present for them that they both want and you can afford. You also may want to consider buying a group gift with some of the other groomsmen, friends, or family members to help cut your costs.
Being asked to be a groomsman is a great honor. Enjoy this day with your friends and/or family, pitch in when needed, and you’ll earn the eternal gratitude of the happy couple.
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