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A 30-year-old woman says her 32-year-old boyfriend insists he’s straight but that he also has a penis fetish, watches gay porn, and once hooked up with another dude, so she’s turning to Reddit for help.
“My boyfriend of 10 months, whom I love very much, just admitted to me that he has questioned his sexuality in the past and currently watches gay porn on occasion,” the Reddit post begins. “He says that he’s not attracted to men, isn’t turned on by men, has no interest in dating men, but does have a ‘penis fetish,’ as he calls it.”
Her boyfriend told her is all started when he went through “a cocaine phase and had thoughts of a penis arousing him–not a man.”
She writes, “He explored it and gave himself permission to hook up with a man and says it was never a real interest of his. He thinks that it’s not the man itself that’s attractive to him, but the penis.”
She admits that she’s having “extremely conflicting feelings” about all this. She has no issues with LGBTQ people, and understands the concept of sexual fluidity, but she’s still bothered by the whole thing.
“I don’t really understand why,” she admits. “I have a concern that 10 years down the line, he’ll need to continue exploring these feelings. And on top of that, being completely honest, I feel very weirded out… which makes me ashamed because it goes against all my core beliefs.”
She concludes, “I think we’re going to try counseling to try to understand where the other is coming from… I think I need some help too. I love him and I want to accept him, but I’m struggling. Has anyone been in my shoes or his?”
As usual, the advice from the other Redditers is all over the map.
“I’ve looked at porn with twinks before,” one man writes, “but I also realize that it’s probably not something I’d be interested in outside of the Internet. I get the feeling that you just need time to digest this information, and I doubt this should be a long-term problem.”
“I’m straight and happily married,” another guy says. “I think penises are hot, but have no desire to go outside my marriage to explore it in real life. Looking at them once in a while is all it really takes. I also do not foresee this escalating into something I have to do years down the road.”
“I read somewhere that, back in the day, the sight of another erect penis may have been a cue for other men to know that mating was happening in the area and to get on board,” a third person writes.
“Maybe you could try engaging with him using a dildo or a strap on?” a fourth person suggests. “Do you think he might be receptive to using the dildo on you since it’s penis shaped? That would fulfill the whole penis thing with it being someone he loves, and a female.”
What advice do you have for this woman? Share in the comments section below…
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This post was originally published on Queerty and is republished here with permission.
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Photo credit: Flickr
Maybe just stop using porn.
Oscar Wilde said something about temptations.
“The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it” or something along that line.
You don’t get rid of a desire simply by suppressing it.
Flyingkal “You don’t get rid of a desire simply by suppressing it.” No. But why shall any women have sex with a man that is more interested in other men’s genitalia than hers? Take porn away from this man that is so turn on by other men’s penises and just see what happens . How will he cope, will he have abstinence,become impotent with her or fall in love with a man..I have no idea but it is clear this woman is HURT by his use of porn. A man tells he has a fetish for penises or have other… Read more »
Aah, yes of course.
There shouldn’t be any need for her to “police” or “correct” him.
She should state her boundaries, and if he can’t support or live up to them, I hope he is mature enough to walk away by himself. There shouldn’t be no need for her to throw him out.
The first problem is that she can’t be firm about her boundaries, since she’s not sure of them herself yet. So far she’s “concerned” and have “conflicting feelings”, that’s all.
He probably is at least, bisexual or has bisexual inclinations.