Newt Gingrich’s dissertation here. As you might have guessed, I’ve taken on a life of my own. These things tend to happen more than you think, especially around the holidays when everybody’s so crazy busy. I know I’m supposed to be about Belgian education policy in the Congo, but I refuse to let labels define me. I consider myself a really nice guy. You might not have guessed it, but I’m 6’5″! Isn’t that wild? People meet me and say, “Wow, you’re way taller than in your pictures, Newt Gingrich’s dissertation.” It’s hard to gauge something like height from a picture. I have auburn hair and clear blue eyes, just like my mother. She always used to tell me that the eyes are the window to the soul, and I’m inclined to agree with her. I’d love to meet a woman with auburn hair and clear blue eyes. My “better half,” so to speak. I’ve never been married, but that doesn’t mean I’m averse to the notion. If and when I meet the auburn-haired, blue-eyed woman who completes me, I’ll be ready to make a lifetime commitment. Have you seen that movie The Marine starring John Cena? Cena is a truly underrated actor. He has a lot of charisma and there isn’t a scene in there that he doesn’t steal. Hmm, I guess that was probably the director’s intention–Cena’s scene-stealing, I mean–since he’s the hero and all. But anyway: Did I mention I’m a Christian? My faith is very important to me. I’ve also got a healthy amount of superstition, too. To be a well-adjusted adult, you need a good blend of those two qualities. I check my horoscope in the paper at least once a week. I’m a Virgo, which means I’ve got a creative mind but can sometimes be fickle or restless. I don’t know how accurate that is, but hey. Maybe a little bit. I wear a locket around my neck that contains a tiny scroll with a verse from Romans in it: “Jacob have I loved, but Esau have I hated.” That’s one I wonder about a lot, because I wish I got along better with my brother. Still, everything is looking up for me and I can’t complain. Even if I could, what would be the point?