You’ve got to give it up for Davy “Brick” Shidaus: He has a 2,500-pound leg press and a panel of experts determined that he’s the most perfectly developed man in Chapel Hill, North Carolina.
He decided not to visit what’s left of his family during the holidays. He’s “hardgaining” and this happens to be a critical phase in his cycle. He’ll send them an e-card that features a picture of him hitting his famous “most muscular” pose. “Here’s hoping you ‘max out’ your holiday fun,” he’ll write underneath the picture. They will laugh, because it’s all so very funny.
This will be the year he gets his pro card and starts making the real money. Welfare benefits give you a lot of time to pump iron, but they won’t buy the tanning lotions, high-end steroids, and fish oils you need when you’re “cutting” for a big show. The Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program is wonderful, but try purchasing a tub of whey protein and two pounds of glutamine with those food stamps.
The stupid jocks at his high school laughed at him, but now he’ll have his revenge. So what if he’s still only 5’3”—have you seen that lat display? Maybe the chicks think it’s gross, but who cares what a bunch of fatty-boobed bitches think? The boys at the gym have nothing but love and admiration for him, and that’s what really matters.
Santa Claus might spend December gorging himself on cookies and milk, but “Brick” Shidaus has better things to do. His massive calves will stuff even the largest holiday stockings, and Martha Stewart could hang one heck of a wreath off his sculpted “pec deck.” Even as his internal organs become diseased and dysfunctional, he remains confident that you couldn’t see a better human being if you tried.