As Americans, we’ve hit rock bottom.
No. We walked to the edge in our Snuggies, our visors pulled tight, and our fanny packs hanging from our hips. We leaned over, kicked down a few rocks, and free-fell off the cliff. Only to land, hundreds of feet below, on a pile of Forever Lazys:
This one’s too big.
That one’s too small.
And a blanket can’t cover it all.
Why must our greatest wordsmiths insist on writing copy for late-night infomercials?
This makes me want to wear a tuxedo to bed. A flap on the back for whenever duty calls? Let’s just all start wearing diapers for the convenience of pooping ourselves without having to walk to the bathroom. Blankets weren’t designed for an “active lifestyle,” just like sneakers weren’t made to give your legs a workout.
Please. Stop this.