It has recently come to my attention that many men are insecure about their penises. Because insecurity is bad, and because penises are one of my favorite topics, I have decided to do a series on penises, and why they are, in fact, awesome.
This will be a four-part series: this part will discuss the attractiveness of penises; part two will talk about the myth of penis size; part three will explore performance issues; and part four will consider whether penises or vulvas are more “mysterious.” Over the course of the series, the people who are in possession of penises will be referred to as “men”; this is not meant to erase trans people, but since trans people have far different issues with their genitalia that I am not entirely qualified to talk about, they are outside the scope of this series.
Some men feel like their penises are not all that attractive. This goes back to the pernicious Myth of Men Not Being Hot again: given that, apparently, men’s bodies are not physically desirable and they have to pay for their sex with commitment and/or love and/or money, clearly their penises will be the least attractive body part of all.
Of course, this is not helped by the mass media and their hilarity about, for example, the Anthony Weiner scandal. Everyone knows the real porn for women is a man doing the dishes for a woman! After all, who would want to see a man’s dick?
Uh, well, um, I would.
Because I am a bisexual woman, and therefore I like men. I like men’s chests, I like men’s arms, I like men’s faces, I like men’s legs, I like men’s backs and– this is crucial– I like men’s cocks.
Once again we face the Two Rules of Desire. No matter how objective the evidence that people who like men almost always like penises– because penises are awesome! They grow and shrink and shoot stuff! and also because people who are attracted to a gender like the genitalia generally attached to said gender– our culture still insists that penises are just not hot.
Because men are not attractive, so their penises are clearly not attractive.
(Never mind all the slash fic with quite detailed descriptions of penises. Shush. We need to pretend that slash fic is all about women looking for their Twoo Wuv.)
Feminism has long supported women accepting their own vaginas. We perform the Vagina Monologues. We protest vaginoplasty or labiaplasty or the expectation (as opposed to the option) of hair removal or the ideal of the “perfect” vagina. We have raised awareness of the stupidity of douches, because vaginas are supposed to smell like vagina, not floral scents (also, they cause yeast infections). We encourage women to expect their partners to eat them out. Although far too many women still view their vulvas as “disgusting,” many don’t, and to a large degree that is because of feminism.
Unfortunately, for far too many people, especially men, this has created the notion that vulvas are awesome and penises are not. A quote-unquote “sensitive” guy might extoll to his sex partners his love of vulva– the taste, the look, the smell– and of eating girls out. However, compared to their vulvas, clearly his penis is just this… kind of silly, kind of ugly device, instrumentally useful for penetration but not an object of desire by itself; his orgasm is an afterthought.
And that’s just fucking wrong. It’s wrong because men should have the same acceptance and appreciation of their genitals as women should; it’s wrong because men’s orgasms should be valued the same way that women’s orgasms should. And it’s wrong because straight and bi women appreciate men’s bodies and men’s pleasure and should not be denied it.
Awesome post! Count in me as another girl who is very fond of penes and how they look.
Hmm, have I actually told my boy how gorgeous his cock is? I really need to make sure to do so.
I like your style of writing and your argument. Hit there are a few things I disagree with: 1) straight, Ilve men’s arms and abs, but I think penises are fugly things, just my opinion. And male orgasm is more easily achieved than female, and many guys prais the vulva cause it feels best for them. The male orgasm does not need to be concentrated on inn sex due to it’s Inevitability. We are taught to lie there and moan disregarding wether it’s the worst sex we’ve had. And heaven forbid If we told the poor sod how we really… Read more »
monkey
pointless question…
you would need specific dimensions and womens opinions vary anyway
if you are concerned, try and be thick skinned, be a great person and be willing to compensate i.e. toys, tongue etc
some women anyway have sex way down their list of needs in life.
@tomboy:
In your opinion, is it okay if they’re small?
I like looking at penises (and testicles, let’s not forget that part) too!!! XD Call me weird, but I can even think of them as “cute”, in a sexually attractive sense, yes, *high five*
This comment can be filed under “The diversity of human sexuality and gender identification”. I am a weakly identifying heterosexual male and I feel somewhat uncomfortable about the fact that I have a penis. I do not view penises as unattractive in general; If I was in love with a person with a penis, I would be attracted to their penis as well as the rest of their body. Also, I don’t think my own penis is necessarily unattractive. I just do not see much benefit in having it. This is not a big deal, but it’s one of the… Read more »
@Darque
One of the pleasant surprises I discovered when I admitted to myself that I was bisexual- I didn’t need to play those games anymore. Somebody makes a “Hah! You like men!” type of joke, I can just look at them and go… “yeah, and?” (the dumbfounded look on most guys faces alone is worth it)
@ Darque
Wow, that was a really awesome pole dancer. It’s amazing to see a man that unapologetic about himself.
Regarding the acceptability of men checking out each other’s bodies: I am reminded of a certain Piers Morgan from America’s Got Talent. and a certain male poledancer contestant, who, although he was incredibly athletic and entrancing to watch, still got buzzed by Piers for no apparent reason. I’m also reminded by the fact that in, heterosexual male groups (some, not all), there is a tendency to play the game “let me reaffirm my heterosexuality” or alternatively “let me prove that I’m not gay”. Obviously, if you end up looking at another guy for too long (for whatever reason), you would… Read more »
MaMu1977: If nothing else, I’ll admit that I had more than a few dreams about Jusenkyo when.I was a teenager.
Let me tell you, you are not the only one (yes I know about Jusenkyo).
@typhonblue: I admit I have issues with the phrase “Not everyone wants to see….” mainly because as a fattish person, people have said this about me within my earshot or to my face about me exercising, or me wearing a bathingsuit, or me wearing a dress they thought was unsuitable… Basically when it comes to non-sexually-harrassing stuff, I generally feel “if you don’t like it, stop looking!” – with the caveat that things should be well marked so people with triggers can avoid/prepare themselves. On the other hand, I am aware of the danger in saying “can you [change situation… Read more »
@ sending someone a nude photo of yourself is different from catching an eyeful in person in various ways *most* of the time, and I think that difference is very important to the way these things should be viewed. Yes, I can see that. However, when you’re shoulder to shoulder in a rave where you can’t really escape and a woman is dancing on a table right next to you, deliberately flashing herself, I think that would qualify as similar to the nude photo thing. Not everyone wants to see your junk. Some people like to warm up to it… Read more »
@Ozy: “Hey, I don’t think Dworkin and her ilk ever got enough pop-cultural penetration”– please tell me that pun was intentional! @AMZB: “Yeah, we tend to talk only about the aspects that you can feel once a penis is inserted (and, thank goodness, hidden away from delicate lady eyes!), which suggests that penises are good only for their functionality, rather than nice in themselves.” Yeah, and not even every aspect you can feel once a penis is inserted: I’ve never heard the curve of (some) penises talked about in any sort of broader cultural discourse except in a “weird penises… Read more »
I don’t usually comment, but I think it’s really important to say this: I don’t usually tell men that I like their penis, because it feels like an awkward thing to say. But I do. I’ve met short, long, thick, thin, veiny, smooth, hard, soft, cut, uncut, dark, light, and multicolored penises. And I’ve liked them all. I haven’t always liked what they’ve done to me, but that’s about the person, isn’t it? Cock looks nice, smells, nice, tastes nice, and usually feels nice.
@typhonblue: that is an interesting point. For me the differences in the two situations are important. Usually when I have received emailed or texted naked pictures, it was shocking – click on something unrelated and up pops a penis or breasts, isolated from context and clearly designed either to shock or for sexual purposes. On the other hand, if I go out and see people’s bodies, if I catch a glimpse of genitalia, it is usually less inadvertent – I have to be at least looking in their general direction. In your example, if a woman is leaning over a… Read more »
Ozymandias, Statistically my penis is right there on top of the bell curve, but it’s got a curve on its own that has always made me apprehensive about it. I’ve never really thought that “beauty” would be a relevant measure for penes, size/girth, sure, but beauty in itself, not really. So in that respect I’d like to say that the first woman I got naked with told me I had a “beautiful penis”. I enjoyed the compliment but figured she was being nice to reduce my anxiety – she was a lot more experienced that I was at the time.… Read more »
@doc mindbeam
Women with large clitorises have a huge amnt of anxiety. direct physical analogue.
@Cheradinine: Ah. I left that out because I thought it was obvious; making sex more fun (in any way) is an adaptation mainly because it makes sex (and thus reproduction) more frequent. Why is a vagina designed so it’s more fun to fuck a long penis than a short penis? I dunno. A modification of the theory Hugh brought up: being willing and able to reach back there and pleasure her is indicative of a sex partner that (detail abstracted out) isn’t a douchbag. @mythago: a) Of course other primates have fun, but more is (usually) better. (Not to mention… Read more »
@AMZB I’m old enough that random erections in public are a rare occurrence. The nocturnal erections, OTOH, make me envy a woman’s ability to blush and deny. Or, to put it nicely, there’s nothing more annoying that working a 40 hour shift, then being awoken by a piece of flesh that’s teasing you with the idea of release and sleep if you just give it a little rub, that’s throbbing and forcing “subtle memories of times past into your head, that’s letting you know in no uncertain terms that its going to poke and prod your vital areas until you… Read more »
@startledoctopus
“And one has no way of knowing how the recipient feels about penises in general and the sender’s in particular.”
Just as an aside I’d also say this to women with micro mini dresses and either no or see-through underwear who decide they want to dance on tables or bend waaaaaay over.
Not everyone wants a random eye-full, thanks.
BTW, would you apply the same standard ‘no one knows how people feel about exposed breasts/vaginas in general’ to women exposing themselves in public?
Yes! While personally I prefer my penis-viewing to do be done in context (ie attached to a person, preferably a person of whom I am fond), sending pictures of one’s cock to random strangers is gross not because penises are TOTES GROSS YUCK, but because of consent issues. And one has no way of knowing how the recipient feels about penises in general and the sender’s in particular.
@ mythago
Ooooor, maybe, fag-shaming is a result of cock-shaming.
BRAIN ASPLODE!
Yes, I know what you replied; it’s a non sequitur. It’s also asymmetrical, because you’re assuming both the checker and checkee (checkress?) are straight, whereas I’m talking about the cultural assumption that men who check out another man’s body do so because they’re gay or bi. If you’d asked “Are you saying that straight women enjoy being checked out by other women?” that’d be a different question, and my answer would be that they’re allowed to enjoy it (bi chicks = TEH HOT! amirite?), they’re also allowed to treat is as flattering if not personally interesting, and they’re generally not… Read more »
Brian, this is just silly: Of course all other primates breastfeed infants, but only humans have the rounded fatty sacks. Why do we have those? Pleasure. It’s fun to look at them, it’s fun to touch them, it’s fun to have other people touch yours You are aware, I hope, that other primates feel sexual pleasure and enjoy sex without rounded fatty sacs? And this is a circular argument. Why are breasts fun to touch? Because we have them. Why do we have them? Because they are fun to touch. I mean, what? @doctormindbeam: Are you telling me that it’s… Read more »
@Hugh Tipping: Yeah, the evaluation hypothesis is an interesting one, and was at the back of my mind when I was writing the previous comments. I don’t have a viewpoint on whether it’s an accurate theory or not, but I’m willing to entertain it. (it doesn’t alter the argument, though — insomuch as evolution still isn’t selecting for fun, it’s using fun as a tool to evaluate — select for — something else) I’m aware of the Guy’s Cream Scoop theory (thanks for that, @easilyenthused), that’s what I was referring to by “intra-uterine competition (and the distinctive shape of the… Read more »