Trigger warning for mentions of suicide and description of bullying.
Got any spare faith in humanity lying around? (Warning: Link goes to the Faily Heil, which nevertheless seems to have pretty good coverage.)
Pat Lynch, football coach at Buffalo High School, Wyoming, gave his players a “Hurt Feelings Report” to use to report bullying. Sounds really progressive and awesome, right? Not… so much.
The report allows students to check off reasons for their hurt feelings, including “I am a pussy,” “I have woman-like hormones,” “I am a little bitch,” “I am a queer,” “I am a cry baby” and “I want my mommy.” It requests the name of the “Real Man” who hurt you and calls the person filing the report a “little sissy” and “girly-man.” It offers services for bullied people such as “a mommy who can give you a hug and make it all better,” “diapers,” “Midol” and a “blanky.”
So by my count that’s… femmephobia, homophobia, gender-policing, mockery of men for having emotions and equation of femininity/having feelings/being weak (since these are all, clearly, the same thing) with childishness?
This is particularly hilarious since, clearly, no teenage boys have ever committed suicide because they were bullied for being effeminate, weak, sensitive, queer or thought to be queer. That’s utterly ludicrous! That didn’t happen, like, last month or anything. Or the month before that.
You will be particularly gladdened to know that bullying absolutely never has long-term mental health consequences like depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, learned helplessness, anger issues or low self-esteem. Those people were just insufficiently manly. If only they had the roundhouse kick of Chuck Norris, they wouldn’t be having all these problems.
You will also be glad to see the wisdom of the commenters, including such intelligent posts as:
Give this man a raise….we are raising a group of tulips here in America that want their “feelings” never hurt in any way…what a bunch of candy-a$$ kids….
Everybody’s lost their sense of humor. If you can’t laugh at life, what can you laugh at? Someone gave me this form at work years ago and I thought it was hilarious.
Jokes are no longer allowed as they always offend someone.
The latter two comments have apparently forgotten the cardinal rule of humor “kick up, not down.” For instance, making fun of the President, a CEO, the Pope, etc. is fine, because they have power; making fun of Internet misogynists, Nazis, etc. is also fine, because they are assholes. However, if you make fun of, say, a bloody and beaten puppy curled up by the side of the road, or a victim of bullying, you are an asshole.
Fortunately, most of the comment section was voicing opinions like “he should be fired,” which gives me some faith for humanity.
This faith in humanity, of course, was immediately removed. You see, Lynch lost his job as a head football coach, but will be keeping his employment…
…as a guidance counselor.