Figleaf has some interesting posts about a stunning imbalance in sex research. Most of the time, sex research and popular coverage of sex research is about women and/or vaginas. Does the G spot really exist? How does female arousal work? What are women attracted to? How does the vagina function? How many women have orgasms, how many women fake orgasms, how many women have multiple orgasms? Does squirting exist? Much of the popularly covered sex research that is about men and/or penises is related to queer men, porn, or penis size and stamina.
He quotes Dr. Petra, a sexologist who wonders:
Another approach might be to consider how this scenario would look if it were penises under the microscope. While there are undoubtedly distressing issues facing men around penis size and stamina the stereotype for men is they all experience pleasure from their dicks. If you talk to men you discover some get intense pleasure from testicle stimulation and are unable to orgasm without this. Some hate their balls touched. Some get a lot of pleasure if attention is paid to the shaft of the penis. Some find direct stimulation to the glans uncomfortable. Others experience more pleasure from anal stimulation.
Yet we do not suggest because men can and do experience pleasure from different areas in their genitals that there are specific spots that guarantee male orgasm or that men are somehow deficient if they do not experience say, a left testicle orgasm. We don’t scan, survey, or perform autopsies on penises to establish the most sensitive parts. Nor do we have self help books, courses or sex toys designed to coach men into experiencing orgasm through stimulation to specific areas of their genitals.
I, along with Figleaf, think a lot of this is because we already think we know everything about male sexuality. Male sexuality is simple! All he needs is a warm hole and five minutes! Let’s talk about female sexuality, which is mysterious and complicated and strange! I mean, all the ladies are, like, different from each other. Some of them want one thing and others of them want another thing! Clearly we must do SCIENCE to find out what kinds of things ladypeople like, as this is no doubt far more interesting than what gentlemanpeople like.
Look, I’ve slept with cis girls, and I’ve slept with cis dudes. (Unfortunately, no trans people have yet graced my boudoir.) Guess what? They’re both fucking complicated. Every man has his own particular map of the spots that he likes to be stimulated, a map which changes depending on his mood, how turned on he is, what partner he’s with, what else he’s been doing that day, the kind of sex he’s having, and probably the bloody fucking phase of the moon. You can’t generalize from what one man likes to what other men like– no more than you can with women.
We should study cis male sexuality. And as part of that we should find out which bits of male anatomy are the most sensitive, and which bits tend not to be; we should study the prostate and the perineum and, yes, the left testicle. But we should do that without the nonsense women all too often experience about how G spots are better orgasms no wait clitoral orgasms are the best now you have to learn to squirt or else your sex will suck forever BUY OUR DVD AND ACCOMPANYING SEX TOY because you are not enjoying sex and you will never enjoy sex unless you BUY OUR SHIT.
Dudes. Sex is not a bloody competitive sport. How you figure out whether your sex life is satisfying is that you ask yourself and/or your partner(s) whether it’s satisfying. It is? Good. Done. It’s perfectly awesome to experiment, of course, but you don’t have to have any particular outcome to the experiment. “Eh, turns out I don’t like G spot stimulation” is fine.
But seriously, we need to study male sexuality. Stuff is happening there. The “common sense” about men is probably about as accurate as the “common sense” about female sexuality was before we started studying it scientifically– you know, all that “clitoral orgasms are immature, only vaginal orgasms are real” nonsense? True, a lot of the studies of female sexuality are shit. But the cure for bad studies is not no studies, it’s good studies.
If nothing else, think of Cosmo. Maybe if you do studies about what men secretly want in bed they can just cover those studies and stop with the throwing-darts-at-the-wall “why don’t you put your nipples on his balls” advice.
P. S. About the women who can’t reach orgasm thing: I will bet any sum of money that if women were expected to masturbate the way men are and if our culture viewed ‘real’ sex as frottage until the woman orgasmed, suddenly it would be men who were having all the problems.
P. P. S. Squirting kinda sucks. So. Much. Cleanup.