Because we get a lot of folks new to gender discourse around here, and because we’ve developed a lot of our own terminology, shorthand, and slang, we’ve written up a glossary of some of the terms and definitions we generally use. It should be on the list of pages in the top bar. Enjoy!
Edit: It’s not appearing in the top bar very reliably, for reasons I presume are ridiculous. In the meantime, this link ought to work.
Not to restart the argument but, I WAS FUCKING RIGHT THE FIRST TIME about VAWA! Or at least, I was right ever since the 2005 amendment to VAWA.
So, congratulations you guys! You WON. Now you can STOP COMPLAINING about VAWA, because the line you want is ALREADY IN IT.
Sorry, Noah.
We crossed on the intertubez.
-Jut
…I’m a male who’s always wanted to find romance but not sex.
If a male is nice to a female, partially because he cares about a fellow human being, but also because he wants to be in a romantic (but not sexual) relationship with her, do Fecke and the others consider him to be a “Nice Guy (TM)”? If so, then what do they suggest males who desire romance do?
Modhat Alert
All right, I’m calling the ballgame here. Enough about fucking Nice Guy Syndrome. It’s wildly off-topic and you cannot imagine how sick I am of reading the same five posts over and over. No more.
OMG, how did that copy dup thing happen? ARGH!
@RocketFrog: My own experience is different. Most of my male family members absolutely hated their time in the military, as did those of my old study mates and co-workers who had been conscripted. Those who decided to become conscientious objectors were generally put to do various kinds of menial labor, which they obviously also were not particularly fond of. I know precisely one man who liked his time there (and he volunteered). I was personally declared unfit for military duty on grounds of a number of chronic physical illnesses and mental instability. It might be a difference in age. Most… Read more »
And misandry can apply to men, the same way misogyny can apply to women. That is, you can hate your own sex, or members of your own sex. Nobody says its not possible. People who conscript (or have them do services) men, and only men, and aren’t involved in some sort of actually-just war, well they obviously are discriminatory. If they let women in combat positions, then they aren’t misogynists, but they definitely are misandrists (they are having men do forced labor for no other reason than their maleness). You cannot use the “enjoyability factor” of any kind of work… Read more »
“They’ve invented several, ‘misandrist’ being the most common.”
Umm no, try again.
“I am becoming increasingly convinced that “misandry” does not actually exist, and that it is entirely an anti-feminist shaming tactic used to attack women who are not uncritically celebratory about everything male.”
Don’t let yourself be brainwashed. Misandry means: The hatred of men. It exists in as much as misanthropy and misogyny exist. It cannot not exist.
AB:
I am becoming increasingly convinced that “misandry” does not actually exist, and that it is entirely an anti-feminist shaming tactic used to attack women who are not uncritically celebratory about everything male.
My own experience is different. Most of my male family members absolutely hated their time in the military, as did those of my old study mates and co-workers who had been conscripted. Those who decided to become conscientious objectors were generally put to do various kinds of menial labor, which they obviously also were not particularly fond of. I know precisely one man who liked his time there (and he volunteered). I was personally declared unfit for military duty on grounds of a number of chronic physical illnesses and mental instability. But if it is a kind of discrimination it… Read more »
@Schala:
They’ve invented several, ‘misandrist’ being the most common.
@ RocketFrog : AB: You are right, forced conscription is not really male disadvantage. Yes it is. I was just clarifying that when the phrase “being force into military service” is uttered, it’s not what most people imagine. It currently consists of young men having to show up to hear about the military for one day and possibly take a test, after which between zero and a minority of them have to enlist in the military for less than half a year in non-combat service, and the ones who find that prospect deeply upsetting are declared unfit for service and… Read more »
“They can claim to know such things on grounds of having performed an analysis of this kind of behaviour, as opposed to me who was just perpetrating (and experiencing) it.”
You need to know the intent and mental thoughts of the person for that. And they don’t. Hence they can analyze all they want, it’s useless. Armchair diagnosis don’t work.
“But awkward women are frequently criticised here for acting awkwardly, and displaying signs of social anxiety and lacking emotional intelligence, in the presence of men who approach them uninvited.”
Yeah, and masculinist have invented a term about it to shame all women who display behavior even vaguely similar, right? Right?
“Actually, come to think of it, forced military service can be viewed as privilege, because some men use it to form networks that then gives them advantage in their careers later.” You can say that about slavery, too. Child labor and more. So no. And AB, regardless of how easy it is to dodge service, it should be off the books. Period. Or else it’s institutional discrimination, based on sex. Against men. I’m sure some places that ban abortions can still have women, maybe even most women, to get abortion services from some other places that isn’t too far off.… Read more »
Actually, come to think of it, forced military service can be viewed as privilege, because some men use it to form networks that then gives them advantage in their careers later.
RocketFrog: I was then explained that my own experience was wrong and that my brain had simply framed my sexist entitlement in a less nasty light to allow my conscious to pretend that I was not being an asshole. Which is just an example of sinister the idea of “false consciousness” can be. You’ve earlier said you heard these things from radical feminists you knew. Many women as well (for instance some sex-positive feminists, some sex-workers etc.) have a large issue with some radical feminists use of “false consciousness” to invalidate and erase other people’s lived experience. In my view… Read more »
@Schala :
But awkward women are frequently criticised here for acting awkwardly, and displaying signs of social anxiety and lacking emotional intelligence, in the presence of men who approach them uninvited.
Flyingkal:
They can claim to know such things on grounds of having performed an analysis of this kind of behaviour, as opposed to me who was just perpetrating (and experiencing) it.
AB: You are right, forced conscription is not really male disadvantage.
Sorry RocketFrog, missed the last part:
And I’m sorry to see that you have “internalized” this perception, but it does not in any way make it a better or more correct one.
“The thought of being friendly and kind in order to be “rewarded” with sex was completely alien to me, so I was completely baffled when reading a feminist article about Nice Guys (an old associate of mine pointed me to a famous Internet article about them). I was then explained that my own experience was wrong and that my brain had simply framed my sexist entitlement in a less nasty light to allow my conscious to pretend that I was not being an asshole.” The one who explained that to you? An asshole who claims to be a mind-reader, but… Read more »
@Schala : Err, no. Feelings are not ‘wrong’. Only acts possibly based on those feelings can potentially be wrong. I can be uncomfortable with someone from a certain ethnicity. As long as I don’t “act” on that, by for example declaring their scent stinky, or remarking how their hair is ugly, then I’m doing my best. And my best is what I can do. I can’t do more than 100%. This appears to contradict what you’ve said earlier about women who exhibit signs of discomfort in the company of black men being racist unless they exhibited identical behaviour around everyone… Read more »
@RocketFrog (sorry for the cut-and-paste, I’m just picking the parts to get my point across): Well, I do not claim to know other people’s motivations – I mean, I did not even know my own. /…/ The thought of being friendly and kind in order to be “rewarded” with sex was completely alien to me, so I was completely baffled when reading a feminist article about Nice Guys (an old associate of mine pointed me to a famous Internet article about them). I was then explained that my own experience was wrong and that my brain had simply framed my… Read more »
Black Humor: She implies the purpose of women is babies in the THIRD ARTICLE on the front page, besides saying some very openly MISANDRIST stuff about how “women are and always have been more valuable” in her metaphor for society.
I initially liked her blog, till I got to that. Say what?
“If it isn’t ignored or defended then the women are criticized by posters extrapolating experiences as socially-awkward men (because the existence of awkward women is routinely ignored) onto every Nice Guy™ situation possible. I don’t know what Daran said years ago on another blog but people here find numerous ways to cast the behavior of men they never met in the best light possible whereas immediately assuming bad faith and obtuseness on the part of the woman.” The experience of awkward women is not included in the concept of Nice Guy TM. That might be why. Also, I’m an awkward… Read more »