Warning: lotsa pictures below the cut.
Boys like science and bugs and shit! There are definitely no boys who end up carefully measuring and combining two chemicals and, instead of happily bubbling away like everyone else’s, the substance just sits there like water. That never happens. (Totally happens.)
Apparently Mom wants a watch and Dad wants a wine aerator? I’d commend them for being non-binary-enforcing but I think they just accidentally switched the pictures. Especially since your husband or boyfriend seems to want Star Wars. Because every woman I know with a Darth Vader shirt is… secretly a trans man?
Boys like trains and cars and vehicles and things that move! Perhaps it is because men all, like Jack Kerouac or possibly Batman, wander the earth in search of the meaning of life, redemption, and/or awesome ninja powers to avenge the death of their parents with. Also, telescopes and dinosaurs, because as previously discussed boys are awesome at SCIENCE!
Boys like robots. And Star Wars! Because there is this whole “girls hate Star Wars” meme going around now apparently? We saw it in the Kimmel thing, we saw it in the Amazon gift guide, we saw it in this… what the FUCK? Star Wars is for everyone! Am I going to have to start No Seriously What About Teh Female Star Wars Fanz?
Boys like guns! Because you can’t be masculine unless you’re violent. Those are the rules we just made up.
Boys don’t cook! Cooking is a girl thing. Get in there and make me a sandwich, woman!
Men like grilling, history, politics, camcorders, stylish watches, classic rock, poker, electric shavers, documentaries, and classical music. Men do not like digital frames, crafts, Broadway, sandals, chick flicks, diamond jewelry, gemstone jewelry, beauty products, or heated thows. Men never have to frame pictures or walk around on the beach, and women hever have to grill or tell time. Fact.
Doctor bib! Because it is never too early to get the Success Myth into boys’ brains. If you don’t start with the high expectations before he can walk, how is he supposed to grow up to hate himself for being a happy, kind, generous person who loves his family and enjoys his job, but doesn’t make $100,000 a year? It is never too early to inform boys that their worth is entirely based around how prestigious their career is!
These shirts are in Not English! However, Sociological Images informs me that the top translates as “my mother is prettier than yours,” and the bottom as “my father is stronger than yours.” Myth Of Men Not Being Hot AND the idea that men have to be strong to be worth something! A twofer!
Boys get their own section! And is that… yep, it’s a Stormtrooper. FUCK YOU GUYS STAR WARS IS FOR GIRLS TOO.
I feel that after all this we need a couple of spooning kittehs to reaffirm our faith in the universe.