I’m bisexual* and I exist.
Bisexual Visibility Day has always felt like a fuck-you to me. The people I am saying fuck-you to this year include include:
- J. Michael Bailey.
- Anyone who calls Freddy Mercury or David Bowie gay (bisexual! bisexual!) or Billie Joe Armstrong or Lady Gaga or Kurt Cobain or Jimmy Urine straight (bisexual! bisexual! bisexual! pansexual!).
- Anyone who calls a married male Republican politician caught having sex with men gay.
- Anyone on this page of TVTropes.
- Glee. Specifically, Glee season two, episode fourteen, Blame It On The Alcohol, line “bisexual’ is a term that gay guys in high school use when they want to hold hands with a girl and feel like a normal person for a change.”
- Anyone who says women are naturally more sexually fluid.
- Anyone who says “you’re in a relationship with a man/woman. Are you straight/gay now?”
- The phrase “gay, straight or lying.”
- The phrase “bisexual until graduation.”
- Katy Perry.
- My dad, who is under the impression that bisexuals are making it up for attention.
So, NSWATM commentariat. Who’s attracted to multiple genders? Who wants to say a hearty “fuck you”?
*Well, pansexual and/or Jack Harkness, actually, but who’s counting?
A giant FUCK YOU to all the men who actively seek out sex with other men on a regular basis but maintain that they are “straight.” I understand lying to the guys to save face. I understand lying to family members if they’re religious fanatics. It sucks, and I wish you didn’t feel that you had to, but I understand why you do it. What I don’t understand is lying to a guy you’ve already fucked. I’m using your washcloth to clean your spunk out of my beard and you tell me you don’t fuck guys? What the hell, dude?… Read more »
@Jim:
Sorry for being Thicky McThick here, but didn’t they say Ms Lefevre was a p(a)edomophile? Like, a convicted-style kiddy-fiddler?
Or is there more to it than the stupid blog is letting on?
Wow, the hits just keep on comin’
http://toysoldier.wordpress.com/2011/09/28/how-unsurprising/#respond
And look at the disgusting comments on the article itself. This, ladies and gentlemen, is what mainstream culture, not right-minded commenters on an island-of-sanity blog in the gendersphere, truly thinks of this matter:
http://www.tampabay.com/news/courts/criminal/article1192984.ece
Female sentencing discount and “pussy pass” for true. One commenter compares this to a thirty year sentence imposed on a man in Florida for theft of some jewelry, and points out the man is black and not pretty like this predator. The rest of the comment thread is a cesspool – misandrist rape apology all over it.
Interesting development on the gaybashing front – a gay bashing response to gaybashing – something for the commentariat to chew on:
http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2011/09/28/the-gangs-of-dc
Urgh. End italics.
I don’t think I’ve met anyone who *didn’t* find him attractive (after watching the show/s, that is), regardless of gender or sexual orientation.
He doesn’t do it for me, actually. On paper, he looks perfect, but in real life he somehow leaves me cold. Dunno why.
“Well, pansexual and/or Jack Harkness, actually, but who’s counting?”
Yes, but he is a special case. I don’t think I’ve met anyone who *didn’t* find him attractive (after watching the show/s, that is), regardless of gender or sexual orientation. But maybe that just means I have an odd group of friends, idk.
“If that was true then the cis daughters of DES mothers wouldn’t show a higher incidence of lesbianism and gynephilia.” Valerie, sorry I do not know what those acronyms are but unless we are talking about twins having a 100% chance of being the same sexual orientation then, no, people are not simply born a certain way, end of story. These studies have been done and although there is a genetic (and in utero environmental/hormonal factors) what happens before birth is not the whole story. And I’m just saying this because (as I said before) there’s this idea of a… Read more »
Anon: That’s on topic. Everyone Is Bi is the evil twin of No Bisexuals; either one erases the sexuality of bisexual people. “Everyone is like you, so your identity doesn’t really exist” isn’t that much of an improvement on “you don’t exist.”
As for the erasure of straight women [in certain circles], I do get that one, too, altrough it might be rude to talk about it right here… maybe open a new thread? But I have been told that all people are bi or in denial, that I am not adventurous enough, or just lagged back on exploration… not to mention that men’s magazines are full of images of women and women’s magazines are full of images of women, and the default, learned cultural way of looking at women is to do it is sexualizing them, so it might be easy… Read more »
@Feckless
But it looks eerily similar to Freud, Mr Penis Envy. To develop a penis-arousal system is ironic, to me.
@Schala: Freund is German for friend.
@Annony
No rule says you only have to like girls with typical genitalia… if there were, I’d have a lot more trouble dating. And yes, that makes you straight and non-genitally-focused in your attraction.
Being perfectly honest, I don’t know. Firstly I have all of the traits of a straight person. I find women sexually attractive and I want a relationship with one. But I find the penis to be attractive as well, but I don’t find the masculine body to be attractive and I don’t want a relationship with a male. So I dunno. For all practical purposes I just call myself straight.
“I’m just saying that people aren’t born into a certain sexuality…end of story. ”
If that was true then the cis daughters of DES mothers wouldn’t show a higher incidence of lesbianism and gynephilia.
Is that certain sexuality how everyone identifies and practices? Obviously not. But yes, orientation is more-or-less concrete.
It’s… a very difficult line to cross and I don’t automatically assume everyone who says they are X are lying. But there *are* people who do that and they are personally frustrating to me. And I don’t want to invoke the “you can just tell” meme, but lying about a fundamental part of yourself, even if the lie is simply because you do not know for sure, is… hurtful. It goes along with a lot of girls telling me they’re “gamers” (what they meant: “Nerds are sexy”) or that they love Football (what they meant: “You’re pretty hot, don’t hate… Read more »
But SG, how are you gonna know whether they are lying or not? Hook em up to a plethysmograph?
I mean, I see what you’re saying, but the bi stereotypes you invoke above also hurt actual bi people who are just trying to live their lives.
@F, I do; however, have huge issues with people lying about who they are to be attractive.
@SG, you know, as the stigma around same sex lovin’ and attraction diminishes, I think we should expect more people to be experimenting more, trying on various identities to see if they fit, and generally feeling more comfortable declaring “I’m straight!…. No, bi!… no…. genderqueer? Maybe I’m a lesbian?” And this is a Good Thing. Maybe I’m on debaser’s side here… sort of. I agree that young women might feel some pressure to be “sexier” by making out with girls, but if that’s what they need to be doing at the moment, I say, why doubt their bisexuality until they… Read more »
@F: for some reason it feels like “straight” is becoming invisible too… at least for women. Like I swear it’s so fashionable to be “bisexual” right now (and this goes back to some of the frustrations Ozzy has) because a) apparently it makes you sexier (bwuh? Look I only really care if you want to play with my penis. If you want to play with vagina that’s fine but doesn’t really affect me since I don’t have one) and b) there’s also this weird assertion around a lot of LGBT communities that seems to make people who want to support… Read more »
Hmpf wrong vid….had to search again.
Allison’s experiences reminds me of that vid by Dan Savage -> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajR9PLvN73k
Bisexual, married to a man, got into a fight with his mother last thanksgiving because she insisted I’m not bisexual anymore if I’m in a heterosexual relationship. No, fuck that, I still love tits.
“Debaser: I’ve met 100% straight people before. …Human sexuality is a wonderful and diverse thing.”
I’m just saying that people aren’t born into a certain sexuality…end of story.
There’s this notion (especially in talking about U.S. politics) where people’s sexual orientation is something they are born with or something they choose. This is a false dichotomy. And it irks me.
Hugh: In a 1993 interview with The Advocate, Kurt said that if it wasn’t for Courtney Love he’d live a bisexual lifestyle. http://www.nndb.com/people/939/000025864/
Debaser: I’ve met 100% straight people before. My boyfriend got a blowjob from a gay man and reported that he felt absolutely no arousal. Human sexuality is a wonderful and diverse thing. 🙂