So there’s this website called The Art of Manliness, and I’m really of two minds about it. On a certain level, it’s damn near my lifestyle magazine, as they do approving articles on things I wear, do, and smell like. (Disclaimer: I do not use a safety razor, as suggested in that shaving article. I use a straight razor because I am either All Man, or out of my damn mind.) Their funny articles are often funny, their style articles reflect a classic aesthetic I like, and I happen to like their site design.
So why don’t I visit there more often? What about that place kinda bugs me?
The fact is, I’m not sure how much they’re kidding.
I’ve written before about why I dress the way I do, how I use the costume of old-fashioned male power as a fashion statement, a fun look that I feel good in. I wear a hat and a double-breasted jacket because I want to, not because I have to. And Art of Manliness has this continual, pervasive tone of prescriptivism, the idea that one should perform masculinity in this way not because it’s fun, but because it’s the only correct way.
Now, it’s always in this kinda-kidding tone, where it also sounds like they could just be recommending ties and chin-ups because they’re cool and fun. But then there’s that tone, the one that suggests they’re kidding on the square, that they really do think there’s a right and a wrong way to be a man, and that you, the reader, are almost certainly doing it wrong.
I’m on record all over the damn place that your gender identity is something you define for yourself, and perform in whatever way is fulfilling for you, personally. For me, that’s bay rum and pipe tobacco. For someone else, it’s a beard and a utilikilt. For someone else, it’s a skirt and a slide guitar. Doesn’t matter.
And ultimately, that’s what makes me uncomfortable with The Art of Manliness. I can’t shake the impression that they honestly do think it matters. If so, that’s kinda creepy.
I know I’m super late to this party, but I will say that a few years ago they did a post about getting a straight razor shave at the barber shop. One of the reasons that they said this was enjoyable was that it was one of the few things left that was exclusively for men. This alone raised red flags for me. When I mentioned in the comments that plenty of women grow various amounts of facial hair, and therefore it wasn’t impossible that a woman might get a straight razor shave at a barber shop, I was shot… Read more »
Marketing “girl stuff” in pink and glitters, with flowery-lettering, is condescending to me. Regardless of its attitudes towards boys liking those products.
And I’m generally a fan of pink…I’ll still understand even a big fan of pink being literally sick of it given the flood of all things pink. Why the crap would I even want a pink hammer? And why in Thor’s name would all things pink go for financing “women’s cancers”? It makes me want to NOT BUY those items, just to spite them. And I’m someone who played Hello Kitty Online.
bttf4444: “Why can’t we just market dolls towards, say, kids who happen to like dolls – regardless of whether they’re boys or girls? Why do we need advertisers to reinforce the status quo?” I happen to work for a company that sells stuff. Based on market research and our own receipts, we have an idea of the type of people who buy our products in terms of age and sex. Do I think it would be strange or wrong for someone outside that demographic to buy what we sell? Of course not. If we could figure out a way to… Read more »
Rhubarb, I definitely do understand some of what you’re saying. I think social norms that regulate courtesy and respect should be followed, even though they do tend to vary by culture. And, yeah, I did say sliding down a hill was something I wouldn’t do. However, what about things like eating whipped topping by itself… or putting jelly on your mashed potatoes… or eating french fry sandwiches, if you’re not British? Especially if you do all those things, when you’re eating alone. Also, I really see no reason why pop music has to be for women – while rock music… Read more »
Schala: I agree completely, re: dress codes. Even where dress codes are strict, people will use whatever options that still remain (think ties) to show their individuality anyway. It’s almost instinctual. However, supporting the freedom to dress as you wish does not mean that any writing about fashion choices and gender performance should come with a bunch of caveats about how this way is not the only way, etc… as Noah did in the post. If you can trust people to dress themselves, you have to trust them to draw their own conclusions about what they read in the fashion… Read more »
For the record, I am vehemently against double standards in dress codes. Dress codes should be restrictions based on functionality and dangerosity of certain items (loose long hair with machinery, ties with machinery).
I find it appaling that it is considered legal to have one standard for men, and one for women, solely due to cultural norms.
“The most any individual can expect from a free society is the freedom to act, speak and live as you wish, not validation of your choices and protection from anyone who suggests you live otherwise.” And we accept that gendered dress codes exist in situations where it shouldn’t typically matter (schools, workplace where the dress code is not there to prevent accident, or give an image to the public – and if you don’t work with the public or meet clients as a matter of course, it shoudn’t matter period). Some have been fired for cross-dressing off the job. And… Read more »
bttf4444: “Just yesterday, I was thinking of social norms that even I would be hesitant to break – and this is one I thought of: sliding down a fairly steep hill, rather than walking down it. The former would definitely be easier – but I’d be too conscious of what others would think, if I did that. So even those of us who are generally anti-social-norms have our limits.” People don’t slide down hills because they have less control than people on foot. Sliding down a hill privileges your personal enjoyment over the safety of everyone else, especially people who… Read more »
The problem with marketing and advertising is that it feeds into the whole socialization of gender roles or other types of roles. I think it’s not a case of most people consciously doing something, because they feel they have to – due to their gender, race, age, etc. Rather, it’s a case of social norms being so embedded in society – not all of us think to challenge those social norms, and why they exist. As such, advertising and marketing just feeds into all that. Just yesterday, I was thinking of social norms that even I would be hesitant to… Read more »
I can’t say I have (though I may in the future, thanks for the recommendation). I read the summary, and it seems to me like it focuses on advertising. Advertising works. If it didn’t, nobody would spend money on it. What I object to is the tone from some SJ people that insinuates regular people somehow need to be protected from views of femininity and masculinity that draw boundaries or classify behaviors as belonging to one group or another. That they need to be protected from images of people who look more conventionally attractive than they do. That free people… Read more »
I… think you’re missing a lot of the point of media criticism.
Have you read Jean Kilbourne’s Can’t Buy My Love? That’s a good place to start.
Errrr…. I meant “allegedly knew better than individual men and women about who should work as an engineer building bridges or stay home “
@kitty, No, I didn’t say it should be a hard and fast rule, just that it’s mostly wasteful. One of the main problem with traditional gender roles is that they are infantalizing, both to men and to women. Society allegedly knew better than individual men and women about who should work as an engineer or stay home building bridges. Society allegedly knew who should like dolls and who should like soldiers. Are the same people who we now say we trust to make decisions about everything else really powerless in the face of a beer ad or some online magazine… Read more »
Rhubarb, so I might get this wrong, but… we should never critisize media ever then?
Also who says people who do critisize toxic beauty standards don’t teach their kids to be critical?
Tv, books, the internet, newspaper and magazines they all have a huge fucking influence on what we think and do if we want it or not, if we notice or not. So the media should be held responsible for some things.
If you don’t believe that the media does have a huge influence on peoples thinking educate yourself on the Werther Effect for example.
Aw, man, pipes. Piiiiipes. I think I spent most of college with a pipe-stem clutched in my teeth. Anyway, I think my big problem with things likes AOM is that I wish there was a different adjective for manly. That way I could go to said sites to kind of pick and choose from what is likely to be a wide range of things relevant my interests, but any man who found that they didn’t like one ‘manly’ thing or a woman who finds that she likes most of the ‘manly’ things wouldn’t feel weird about it. :/ It’s not… Read more »
As woop pointed out, the guy who runs AOM has made it pretty clear that he’s open to different concepts of manliness and people doing what makes them happy. Unfortunately, a lot of people can’t separate certain behaviors (i.e. traditional men’s clothing) from the associated value system that they’re nostalgic for. I see a lot of the same problems on men’s style blogs, no matter how open the author is. The comments are way worse then the site. The humor does run towards the heteronormative. I suppose that makes sense given the content, but it would be nice to see… Read more »
@kitty: If we took half the effort spent decrying beauty standards, fashion mags, designers and the media in general and spent it teaching kids to look at this stuff critically, as people with agency who can make decisions about what to believe, we would have a much better world. Unfortunately, the commercial interests want uncritical audiences and the activists need victims who are powerless rag dolls in the face of a society that only *more activism* can save. On a more personal note, I grew up an only child with a very small extended family. A lot of what I… Read more »
Considering BurgerKing is selling meat and would want us to munch meat, I assume the worst anyway…
“The fact is, I’m not sure how much they’re kidding.” I find that Poe’s law applies very much to masculinity, I like a bit of Testosterone Poisoning humour (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TestosteronePoisoning) myself, but the problem is it’s can be hard to tell between this form of humour and genuinely sexist ideals, so I have the same dilemma as the OP, I find hyper-masculinity as comedy very entertaining, but I’ve been put off it because of ‘not sure if serious’ thoughts. Take the ‘I am man!’ BurgerKing advert, are we supposed to be laughing at the idea of being a meat-munching macho-maniac that… Read more »
Cosmo is full of slut shaming and victim blaming and sexism and there are a lot of girls and women who do take it serious so I wouldn’t paint these magiazines as too harmless.
Ha and I stopped reading the hairpin cause of the weird narrow world view vibe I got there… same with the art of manliness.
I never venture into the comments, so I can’t say anything about them. But the authors of the site seem to me to have always found a very nice balance between presenting their thoughts on navigating manliness, but understanding that those thoughts aren’t for everyone. I also wouldn’t call them just a style magazine, really. Have you read their more mythopoetic articles? I found the ones centered on a jungian philosophy metaphor to be pretty fantastic. I’ve always got the impression mostly just want people to be happy and fulfilled, and if you become more happy and fulfilled because of… Read more »
“And ultimately, that’s what makes me uncomfortable with The Art of Manliness. I can’t shake the impression that they honestly do think it matters. If so, that’s kinda creepy.”
This looks like a male version of Cosmo. more superficial and silly than actually creepy. Like Cosmo and those other sites people mention above, it serves a purpose. there are lots of insecure people out there that are ready to just lap this stuff up.
De-lurker here… I can’t bring myself to get worked up about when magazines, light beer ads or sitcoms purport to tell me what it is to be a man (or a woman). There are plenty of consumers out there who find certain depictions of manliness accurate for them. They like conventionally attractive chicks, fast cars, and football. Or they like tailored suits and old-school razors. Or they like hunting and woodworking. Good for them! There are also myriad outlets (including NSWATM) for people who have other ideas. Just because a publication puts forth a “right way of being a man”… Read more »
I think this is probably going to be an issue with any kind of fashion and lifestyle advice source. Ultimately are they expecting you to drink the kool-aid down to the last drop, or is it cool if you just take their advice on how a suit should fit and forget the rest? Personally I look at a variety of fashion stuff online, but I’m not going to start wearing belly shirts just because I see one featured on The Sartorialist, or paint my walls neon green because Apartment Therapy did a post on it. But then you read the… Read more »
There actually is a site called The Art of Being Feminine, and that site seems to be serious in what it says – as well as a similar site called The Feminine Woman.
While there’s nothing wrong with femininity per se, it’s wrong to say that all women have to be feminine.