(Hat tip to Kink on Tap)
So! There is this school district in Virginia with an innovative plan to prevent gender- and sexuality-based bullying! Are they going to encourage acceptance of all genders and sexual orientations? Provide counselling and other support for bullied kids? Provide diversity and sensitivity training for people accused of bullying?
No, of course not, that would be logical, nondiscriminatory, and (gasp) possibly effective.
Instead, they’re going to ban people wearing “cross-gender clothing.”
What pile of victim-blaming bullshit is this? Let us go back and review Decent Human Being 101: if Pat is treating Robin like shit because of Robin’s clothing, is this the fault of:
a) The clothing, for provoking Pat?
b) Robin, for asking for it via choosing that particular outfit?
c) The school, for not forbidding Robin from deviating from the path of cissexist heteronormative conformity?
d) Pat, for treating people like shit?
Ready, Virginia school district? YOU LOSE.
And, let’s be honest, this is pretty much going to affect dudes. No one would stop my female-assigned, nonbinary-in-denial, high-school self from wearing blue jeans and buttondowns. On the other hand, a person in a perfectly masculine kilt– much less an actual skirt– would probably end up being sent to the principal’s office and made to take it off.
Hell, this dress code was specifically created because some male students were dressing like girls (the article does not state whether they were actually trans women) and other students were complaining. Personally, I think that the proper reaction to that is “I’m sorry your cissexist femmephobic ass is so threatened by their fabulosity,” but what do I know, I’m just a queer. Also, because a crossdressing boy/trans girl was murdered! Because the clear problem here is the crossdressing/transness and not the FUCKING MURDERER.
Look. Bullies ARE BULLIES. If you take away the skirts, they’ll still bully the dudes with earrings. If you take away the earrings, they’ll still bully the dudes who came out of the closet. If you forbid dudes from coming out of the closet, they’ll still bully any dude who swishes. If you forbid boys from being femme in public, they’ll still bully the ones who are skinny and small. If you give everyone mandatory steroids, they’ll still fucking find someone to bully because they are bullies and that is what they do. The only thing this law achieves is taking trans and gender-non-conforming people and telling them that the school district doesn’t care about them and just wants them to shut up and go away and stop making trouble to the school.
If you would like to make your feelings known, you may contact the district here or call them at (757) 925-6750 or fax them at (757) 925-6751. In addition, you may donate to the ACLU of Virginia, which is fighting this case, here.
@AB – To be more clear, while I COULD do a lot of things due to my large size, such as punching someone, the consequences that I face for doing them make those choices non viable because my strength and large size mean that I have a responsibility to be aware of the damage I can inflict against another person. As for the example you provided, I would look more to the other people who witnessed against her rather than her specifically as to why the guy was able to avoid legal consequences for hitting her. Whether he started the… Read more »
@AB – You are right, it is the racism debate all over again in that once again, you choose to ignore the part where I agree with you in order to do have that mini rant. If you were to read my entire comment instead of picking and choosing, you would see that I was making two points with my last post. the second point, was AGREEING with you that a smaller size can make it harder when it comes to physical confrontation but I also went on to state that there are ways to mitigate the size factor. If… Read more »
@AB Yes, size is a factor. An aggressor is less likely to pick a big, bad looking guy than a small, anxious looking one. This is what aggressors do, pick easy targets. Often they operate in groups, two against one, three against one. Also, it is a very gendered problem. In your example the bar fight happened between a man and a woman. This a rare exception. It’s mostly young men who encounter and perpetrate this kind of violence. But even for a big, physical capable man violence is seldom a viable option. Moral concerns aside here’s why: a) You… Read more »
@jesus_marley: I get the feeling that we’re just dancing in circles here. This entire discussion is boiling down to whether size is a factor. You say it is since you’re subject is a small person, I say it isn’t since I am a big person. In my experience, my size tends to have very little effect in determining whether I receive harassment. I DID NOT TALK ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT ANYONE BECAME THE TARGET OF HARASSMENT, ONLY WHAT THE OPTIONS WERE IF IT HAPPENED. Seriously, it’s bad enough that I have to repeat it once, but you seem determined to… Read more »
@Thomas: You’re basing your argument on one single incident. Maybe the case was an error of justice. Maybe she provoked him by slapping him first, in this case his punch might count as self defense. I don’t know. Anyway, I can’t believe that it’s legal in Denmark to beat up people for insults or verbal provocation. Since I’m making the argument that size shouldn’t be completely disregarded because it can sometimes be a factor, you bet I’m going to base it on examples of size being a factor. What else am I supposed to base it on? And I don’t… Read more »
My general approach to avoiding violence and harassment (I am a short person with low muscle mass, although I am broad-shouldered and barrel-chested which might make me look larger than I am) is to simply adopt a meek and deferential communication style. I think many small people do the same.
@AB – “If she offended him, he could beat her up for it and escape punishment due to being provoked, which was what happened in the actual case. If he offended her, she stood a good chance of being unable to beat him up, and receive a beating if she tried, which he would yet again escape punishment for due to her having started it. If she tried to deliberately hurt him a way which didn’t consist of punching him while he was facing her (such as using a weapon) in order to win the confrontation, she could most likely… Read more »
I’m afraid I have to sympathize with people like asdasd here. I’m disappointed to hear a couple of people I remember mostly agreeing with on most issues, come up with apologism for bullies. Boys of the same age who bring guns to school, sexually assault other students, or sell dope to younger kids also all probably come from broken homes too. I look forward to hearing how the proper response to all this is also just consciousness raising, self-esteem seminars with puppets and posters, and pleading with parents who probably don’t give a damn. @asdasd, People with low social status… Read more »
Thomas:
It is not, but whether or not the police is your friend depends a lot on who you are. If you belong to a sexual or ethnic minority, or if you just “look weird” (like, say, if you have a mohawk and a lot of piercings), they are less likely to take you seriously.
You’re basing your argument on one single incident. Maybe the case was an error of justice. Maybe she provoked him by slapping him first, in this case his punch might count as self defense. I don’t know. Anyway, I can’t believe that it’s legal in Denmark to beat up people for insults or verbal provocation.
@jesus_marley: @AB – I understand that but I disagree that her size had anything to do with it. If size is a factor, my size would be a serious deterrent against the same type of attacks. The frequency with which I encounter those attacks tells me that my size is not a factor. I wasn’t talking about it not happening in the first place, I was talking about how things like size affects the choices available. To sum up yet again: If she offended him, he could beat her up for it and escape punishment due to being provoked, which… Read more »
@AB – I understand that but I disagree that her size had anything to do with it. If size is a factor, my size would be a serious deterrent against the same type of attacks. The frequency with which I encounter those attacks tells me that my size is not a factor.
I’m actually flagging BS on Rabbit’s link. I’d like to see an actual scientific journal sourcing this. Neither the article Rabbit linked nor the article linked in that article have any scientific sourcing at all… merely the rather lazy “people think bullies are cool!” superglucose, here is the link to the actual article from Pediatrics, the official journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics. I don’t know anything specific about the AAP, but the study appears to be legitimate, and the article reports that the study was supported by the National Science Foundation. This appears to me to support the… Read more »
@jesus_marley
My example was specifically related to size.
“AB – “My point is that the only reason she’s in that position to begin with is because of her small size and general inability to fight. So while it might seem reasonable to argue that we’re making too strict demands on bigger people, in practice, sheer size gives people a lot of unofficial social privileges (such as his privilege to insult her with impunity, while not having to take any similar insults from her).“ Speaking from experience, I doubt size has anything to do with it. I am over 6 feet tall and weigh over 250 lbs and I… Read more »
@jesus_marley: This is something I deal with on a daily basis except with racism. The point is I have to choose which battles to fight. I could theoretically confront every person who throws a slur at me, or I can fight the actual racist that is trying to hurt me physically. It sucks. It really really does but ultimately, I can`t fight everyone. So yeah, it`s a motherfucking bitter pill, but sometimes you just take it. My point is that the only reason she’s in that position to begin with is because of her small size and general inability to… Read more »
@AB – “So the only way for her to react to being called disgusting for being homosexual would be to shut up and take it.“
This is something I deal with on a daily basis except with racism. The point is I have to choose which battles to fight. I could theoretically confront every person who throws a slur at me, or I can fight the actual racist that is trying to hurt me physically. It sucks. It really really does but ultimately, I can`t fight everyone. So yeah, it`s a motherfucking bitter pill, but sometimes you just take it.
@2ndnin: I partially agree that reality and morality rarely meet and as such there are likely lines across which someone is likely to react but we should be drawing a single moral line rather than a line which says ‘bigger people need to be morally and emotionally superior in order to not be judged harshly for lashing out’. If you aren’t being sarcastic I again partially agree but I think we treat the escalation differently for different people and that is wrong – we shouldn’t be excusing Sparkle because she is small, slight, and unlikely to do damage where we… Read more »
“Not being a bully is easy. All people need is some disincentive and dissaproval.”
Nonsense. Not being a bully is ridiculously difficult. Social culture is so hierarchical that only a few people are never encouraged to be a bully in any sense.
*facepalm* Virginia is messed up.
Oh, also, whoever said vengeance is never an option is totally wrong. Being a vengeful person is just what “man up” means. It is an option for some people (not that it’s the most effective option, or doesn’t have unpleasant side effects). Or in a less self-modifying way some showy vengeance (even if it’s a particularly witty put down) is pretty objectively an excellent disincentive. People with low social status are often cut off from social methods of vengeance, but not necessarrilly cut off from violence. Obviously that method has tons of negatives not least among which is the response… Read more »
Yay Gaius! What the fuck do you want to be proven wrong for? You’re right.
Lamech I’m not quite sure if you first paragraph is sarcasm or not. If it is I partially agree that reality and morality rarely meet and as such there are likely lines across which someone is likely to react but we should be drawing a single moral line rather than a line which says ‘bigger people need to be morally and emotionally superior in order to not be judged harshly for lashing out’. If you aren’t being sarcastic I again partially agree but I think we treat the escalation differently for different people and that is wrong – we shouldn’t… Read more »
@2ndnin :”I’m thinking of Sparkleallday here specifically – she actually got a lot of support for punching someone who she can’t even remember what he said to her, I’m not sure the same support would be extended to a guy who decided to hit a woman no matter the provocation. (http://sparkleallday.wordpress.com/2012/01/24/the-punch-heard-round-the-world/)” … Yeah she’s violent and should have been charged. Don’t respond to verbal provocation with violence. Worst case you need to summon the police to handle it. Also one thing that bugs me about how some people react to bullying “They need to learn how to deal with it”.… Read more »
In brief: Here we go, blaming it on the victim again! Guess what I was told when I complained that many of my “friends” here in NWAlabama were felt perfectly free to openly castigate me and embarrass me about my moderate-to-liberal political leanings? I was told “Don’t let them know that is how you feel!” Wonderful!