Okay, you remember how I complained that male masturbation is stigmatized in a really weird and creepy way?
Well, this story kind of underlines the living hell out of that point. For those who don’t want to watch/read it, the short version is a guy stole a semi, used it to break into a store, stole exactly one item, busted out, ditched the truck, and eluded police pursuit. The only reason this makes even local news is that the item he stole is an eight-hundred-dollar sex toy, a male masturbation aid that’s a carefully-modeled replica of a woman’s lower torso.
That one point is why he’s called, at various places in the coverage, a freak, a deviant, a sex-crazed loser, a fool, a pervert, and possibly some other names I’m forgetting right now. Mostly multiple times each. That’s in two minutes of video and 182 words of text. That is a very high invective density by any standard. That’s like Lenny-Bruce-with-a-bad-heckler invective density. They can’t just say that he shouldn’t have stolen that fuck toy, oh no. They have to remind us in goddamn near every sentence that he’s a disgusting and repulsive human being for even wanting it.
You know what? I’m so pissed off by this coverage that I’m now rooting for the thief. Seriously, if the people who disapprove of him are such unbelievable assholes, I figure he must be an okay joe. I say take your toy and run, buddy! You already got past the cops, they’ll never catch up to you now! Fuck the police! Oh wait, you don’t have to fuck the police, you have an eight-hundred-dollar sex toy.