A feminist revisits Tom Arnold’s story.
Picture a sexist pig icon, an abrasive guy who objectifies women like breathing. With your psychobabble lenses on, perhaps you can also see this horn-dog as pathetic, maybe even a buffoon, but can you go a step further and see him as a victim of child sexual abuse? That’s what Tom Arnold forced us to do when he disclosed that he was sexually abused from the ages of four to seven-years-old.
What Tom Arnold experienced in the past does not excuse his on and off-screen treatment of women, but it does explain a whole lot. From sexual reactivity to looking for sex as a way to understand identity to engaging in re-victimization, he has personally and professionally exhibited the behaviors characteristic to victims of child sexual abuse, similar to the ways in which female sexual abuse victims often engage in stripping, prostitution, and entering one abusive relationship after another.
The whole idea that a man can be a victim, can be traumatized by something other than war, is usually rejected. Just like every other aspect of sexism, limitations and expectations run in a parallel line to one another for both genders, reaching deep into the core of both male and female enabling behaviors of these expectations. It’s as though males in this culture are never given the function of sexual innocence, as though no matter how young, a boy should consider himself lucky to have sexual experiences.
At bottom, sexism is not mutually exclusive: it’s reflexive.
Put on a different lens and take a different picture, then wield an image of a guy who experienced child sexual abuse, domestic violence, and four divorces, a guy that only, at the age of forty-nine, felt as though he had come to terms with himself enough to have a family of his own.
Also consider the fact that Tom Arnold is often still seen as “Roseanne Barr’s ex-husband.” This kind of thinking is reverse sexism at its finest because because society is caricaturing the individual in relation to who they fucked, not who they are and who they are becoming. The interesting thing about this former pair is that both were sexually abused, and both have been aggressive with some very sexist notions, and yet both had the courage to disclose their personal lives to the public.
It’s also interesting that although Roseanne Barr is seen as a feminazi, she still chose to marry a guy who is characterized as a sexist pig. Same goes for Tom Arnold. Would anyone have expected a sexist pig archetype to have married an overweight feminazi?
Tom Arnold’s portrayal of an abuser in his role as Alex in Gardens of the Night suggests that the label of sexist pig just doesn’t fit, and it’s not so much the subject matter per se that reveals this, but rather the fact that the movie specifically explores the ways in which men in authority are falsely seen as moral men when instead they are men who actively abuse their powers to abuse others — and get away with it.
Are self-actualized women aware of feminism in all its misconceptions and inconsistencies? Are we able to see Tom Arnold and the Arnies and Pigs in our day-to-day lives as possible victims, as emotional beings truly capable of meaningful change?
Perhaps Tom Arnold’s public admittance of experiencing sexual abuse was nothing less than a tiny miracle in the realm of gender roles. Tom Arnold has continued to openly speak about sexual abuse in interviews ever since his first disclosure in 2008, and he may just be “The man” who courageously opened the door for other men to confront and disclose child sexual abuse. “The man” in this sense is a very positive thing.
Photo credit: Flickr / Mark Gstohl
Jennifers response to assmans comment makes no sense whatsoever.
Wait…how is Tom Arnold a sexist pig. Did he lynch a woman? Did he not hire a qualified candidate just because she was a woman. Did he say that women are innately less intelligent than men. Does he think women should sit at the back of the bus. Did he burn a cross in front of a woman’s house or something of an equivalent nature. Because as far as I know sexism is supposed to be the gender equivalent of racism. So did any of what he did rise to the level of what I described above? Did he rape,… Read more »
So, what you’re asking me to do is bash Tom Arnold and remind everyone of every sexist thing he ever said or did? Nope. Besides, sexism and racism are far, far more complex than you are suggesting. I reject the notion that Tom Arnold is a sexist pig, as the article clearly states, and I’m not going to bash him because he’s an awesome guy. Period.