Is it possible that Miley Cyrus is making her own decisions? I would say so.
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No one wants to see a man naked. This is pretty much what I’ve been trained to believe; I don’t think I’m alone in that indoctrination. Maybe your wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/husband wants to see you naked, but no one else does. There’s also a sneaking, nagging belief that he/she only pretends to desire this to make you happy. That’s the reality of what I see in the mirror, and I think it’s pretty real for a large amount of men.
That’s where I’m coming from when I read about the Sinead O’Connor-Miley Cyrus epic. Sinead O’Connor posted an open letter to Miley Cyrus, which you can read here. Miley Cyrus responded like a child, which you can see here. Amanda Palmer weighed in with some pretty astute commentary here. (My verdict is still out on “open letters” but I think they’re getting tired.) Amanda Palmer touched on it but I want to point out what seems obvious: maybe Miley Cyrus enjoys being desired.
Miley is 20 years old. Puberty, affluence, and creative lighting techniques have done everything they can for her, and they’ve done good. The girl looks pretty good in varying states of undress and she knows it. Maybe she’s starting to understand that people will value her for her sexuality and she enjoys that. Sinead O’Connor and Amanda Palmer have been in the public spotlight for a while. They’ve been loved, desired, admired, reviled, and criticized in triplicate. Being desired is pretty new for Miley Cyrus. Maybe she’s lust-drunk.
I’m approaching this whole thing as a man. When I look in the mirror, I see a dude with a body— a body that is good for taking out the trash, killing cockroaches, reaching that thing on the top shelf, and moving couches. Mind you, these are all functions in which I take a decent amount of pride, but none of them are sexy.
How would I respond if suddenly people wanted to see me naked? How would I respond if suddenly people wanted to see me naked and I could make millions of dollars? I’d probably take my clothes off. I’d probably take my clothes off for free. Not to undermine and/or belittle any woman’s commentary on this subject, but I think that sometimes they forget what it’s like to be overlooked. A woman who spends her entire life being approached, complimented, and propositioned may feel that Miley Cyrus is exploiting herself or being exploited. Take it from a man who isn’t approached, complimented, or propositioned, she is probably pretty shocked by the positive feedback. The negative feedback (mostly from women) is to be expected; we’re very quick to attack someone. The positive feedback, though, is fairly new for a 20 year old.
I lost 90ish pounds so women would find me attractive. Do you know how many women have told me I’m attractive? One. I could be forgetting one or two but in 24 years of living, my physical appearance has been complemented by one woman. If you’re a woman and you’re reading this, how would you feel if no one ever told you that you are desirable?
You know what? I am forgetting one. (This brings the count to two. For the non-statisticians in the audience, that’s one woman every twelve years.) A girl in high school told me that I look good in neutral colors. Now, eight years later, I own about two clothing items that aren’t neutral colors.
What am I getting at? I’m trying to point out a very simple fact: maybe Miley Cyrus enjoys being ogled. Maybe this whole idea of being attractive and desired is new for her and she doesn’t know how to handle it.
If that’s the case, then I hope we can go a little easier on her in the future. If Sinead O’Connor is correct and Miley is being exploited, then I hope we can get some indication of that and do whatever we can to help her out of that situation. As it stands now, we have no reason to believe she is being exploited by anyone but herself. Also, we have no reason to believe that she’s not enjoying being exploited.
Photo-Flickr/DuSantos
Hey Christian,
Speaking as a fellow college student if you haven’t been to a Rocky Horror Picture Show performance, then you really should. There’s all sorts of people dressing as promiscuously as they want, both men and women, and it’s rather invigorating to see the walls come down and see people not be ashamed of their bodies.
Rocky Horror Picture Show!?!?! Just skimming through a variety of different responses to different articles and ran across this one. I’m happy to say that I am of the age where I saw the movie when it first came out. Through the decades, YES decades, my wife and I have attended midnight showings. It’s a riot! But bring your umbrella And those of you who know me through GMP are more then likely surprised that I’m a follower. Yup, this old ass conservative is into the movie. My daughter and her fireman husband are also into it. She dresses… Read more »
I am glad to see your response Tom. I just went to my very first performance ever because my girlfriend was part of the supporting cast about a week ago and I was very pleased with the show. As I understand it, Rocky Horror is a movie that has been in theaters since it came out and has always been playing somewhere.
Argh!!! Please don’t post my previous comment. Damn auto-correct. Please moderate this one: I can’t speak for other women, and certainly not men, but I suspect your fear that you see “a body that is good for taking out the trash, killing cockroaches, reaching that thing on the top shelf, and moving couches. Mind you, these are all functions in which I take a decent amount of pride, but none of them are sexy” is a function of the commoditization of ‘sexy.’ Commoditized ‘sexy’ is an easily marketed ideal, like ‘pink’ or ‘matte’, Instantly recognizable for its attributes (taut, muscled,… Read more »
I can’t speak for other women, and certainly not men, but I suspect your fear that you see “a body that is good for taking out the trash, killing cockroaches, reaching that thing on the top shelf, and moving couches. Mind you, these are all functions in which I take a decent amount of pride, but none of them are sexy” is a function of the commoditization of ‘sexy.’ Commoditized ‘sexy’ is an easily marketed ideal, like ‘pink’ or ‘matte’, Instantly recognizable for its attributes (taut, muscled, young, etc.) and just as easily forgettable the minute it’s out of our… Read more »
Of course people want to see men naked. https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/we-love-your-bod/
I’ve been in good shape before when I was younger and have had several women tell me I look good, have a nice body, etc. The last time was about 2 years ago if you don’t count my stalker who told me that I’m a very special person to her. Still I’m not sure how many of these women wanted to see me naked. Even some of the women who I’ve had sex with may not have wanted to see me naked if we weren’t going to have sex. Maybe it’s not that women don’t desire sex. Maybe it’s that… Read more »
Hey now. Some women DO want to see men naked! I sympathise with men though. It seems you don’t get as much love or compliments as women. I have only begun to notice this lately. Miley is in entertainment. She is at the age where she is going to capitalize on her sexuality. I do believe she likes to be ogled and that also it’s part of her job. She has made it so. Do I agree with it? As a woman, yes and no. I understand it’s part of her career but I think it’s sad that she prefers… Read more »
Hi Hershey’s Kiss,
One thing I have noted over the years in my different relationships.
If we were going to bed at night, with no intention of having sex, just do some cuddling, hugging and kissing under the blanket before going to bed, I would often look at the women undressing, just taking in and admiring the beauty and grace of her body. But the reverse situation, with the woman looking at me, is something that I have rarely if ever experienced myself.
That is really sad. I hope that one day you meet someone who looks at you with complete eagerness and amazement when you take your skivvies off. 🙂
I am planning to change my gender (male to female). Even I researched a lot. Many women say male body is ugly and men are not attractive and their own gender is attractive. I am depaired. I am devastated. I have this doubt whether women find men attractive since when I am 6 or 7 years old. Because its always men who are attracted and intereseted in women very very very much but vice versa is always a dream for men. Some times I wanna sleep with a gay men to feel desirable physically (I am not talking about emotional… Read more »
Hi Les I agree. It is more complicated. When I used the word child abuse my thought was like this: It is unhealthy and damaging if parents tell the small children that boys and men’s bodies are ugly, and penises are gross. I see that as a kind of child abuse,because if we do not love our own body ,then life becomes hard. Men’s bodies are not ugly. The small boys bodies are not ugly. Any parent that say things like that ,do harm. How can a parent think and feel their little child’s body is ugly? But it is… Read more »
It may be that I am misinterpreting something here.
But Isn’t Sinead O’Connor advising Ms. Cyrus “To not let the industry market and sell you like a prostitue”, which is quite a contrast from saying that she is acting like one?
On a side note, I don’t know whether anyone can say with any kind of authority if european men are any more appreciated for their bodily splendor than their american counterparts.
If anything, I would guess that american women on average would be more vocal about it.
In her second letter, she actually says to Miley that she’s acting like a prostitute.
Hi Christian This story about Miley does not interest me much and I did not see the show,but this debate is interesting . You write: ✺” Maybe this whole idea of being attractive and desired is new for her and she doesn’t know how to handle it.”✺ As a woman I can share with you that to be desired and aware that men ( and women) look at you is NOT something that suddenly happens to a girl what she is 20 years old. Come on. Most of us are ogled from the age 10. To be desired is not… Read more »
Hey. Thoughtful, articulate, constructive comment. Thanks for that.
“Do you actually disagree with O’Connor here?” No, I don’t think I do. Then again, I don’t know what makes a woman feel empowered; I’ve never been a woman. I would imagine that empowerment is subjective. What makes one woman feel empowered may make another woman feel devalued. I don’t know.
I do think that, as a man, I might feel empowered by thousands of women wanting to see me naked. That sentiment only applies to me. I wouldn’t dare speak for anyone else.
Hi Christian
“✺, as a man, I might feel empowered by thousands of women wanting to see me
naked.”✺
Yes I can understand that feeling. It sounds perfectly normal.
WOW! What a wonderful conversation and great article, and participation. First, I absolutely agree that raising boys to feel ashamed of their bodies is child abuse, that is the most truthful way I have heard it described yet. Now, as far as Miley Cyrus she’s doing what a sexually empowered 20yr old would do and exploring her sexuality, her body, expressing herself. The song is also very good. Her mother happens to be with her and is her manager. She grew up in Hollywood, so Hollywood will capture her rebellion as it captured her childhood on camera. Nothing wrong with… Read more »
The name has been changed to Loving and Celebrating Men, here’s the new link: https://www.facebook.com/LovingandCelebratingMen?ref=hl
Thank you a lot. I am planning to change my gender (male to female). Even I researched a lot. Many women say male body is ugly and men are not attractive and their own gender is attractive. I am depaired. I am devastated. I have this doubt whether women find men attractive since when I am 6 or 7 years old. Because its always men who are attracted and intereseted in women very very very much but vice versa is always a dream for men. Some times I wanna sleep with a gay men to feel desirable physically (I am… Read more »
A pretty silly point really in the scheme of things – Miley probably does enjoy it & if she does, then alls good for her, no need for all the ‘conversations’ that keep happening. However at 20 the feedback, wanted or not, is most certainly not new. From what I remember & from talking with others,she will have been having that for about 7-8 years now.
What rings true for me in your piece really has almost nothing to do with Miley Cyrus, but rather with your observation about the feeling that no one wants to see a man naked, and the “sneaking, nagging feeling” that even the one who loves us is pretending. I wish you’d expand on that, or maybe I will if I can borrow your idea. I think you’ve hit on a really important piece of a man’s experience of himself; it does have something to do with how we think about the Miley Cyrus experience, but it has maybe even more… Read more »
Hi Les You write: ✺”rather with your observation about the feeling that no one wants to see a man naked, and the “sneaking, nagging feeling” that even the one who loves us is pretending. I wish you’d expand on that, or maybe I will if I can borrow your idea. I think you’ve hit on a really important piece of a man’s experience of himself”✺ Why not ask why American men feel this way? Why do American parents rais their sons , with a result the the little guy feels ugly? Travel abroad,and meet men that obviously was brought up… Read more »
Iben, you raise an interesting point about cultural differences, and I would agree that there’s truth in what you say. I wonder, though, if it isn’t a little too simple. Anything that allows us to dismiss the experience, including labeling it as “American,” does a disservice. Not all American men have this experience, I venture (though I bet most do even if they wouldn’t talk about it), and not all non-American men are immune. I was raised in an immigrant family, and have talked with men from many cultures. While the perspectives differ, I think it’s more complicated than simply… Read more »
believe me Iben, its not only in America. I’m asian and “eww no one want to see naked dude” is everywhere, from other men, my mother, my sisters, my female friends. Everywhere.
I like to see man naked.
Jokes apart, i completely understand your position about this big catfight.
The thing that really strikes me is that her nudity is totally awkward.
And her unnecessary trolling made her even more stupid.