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Some conversations are harder than others when it comes to parenting. One of the toughest conversations? Drug use. While these discussions can be difficult, they will help you build a solid relationship with your children. Prevention starts when you start talking — and listening.
When it comes to parenting, some conversations can be difficult, and other discussions will be downright painful. Parents and kids want to run from the room as soon as the topics of sex, drugs, or alcohol come up. I promise it doesn’t have to be that way, though it is critical to start some of these conversations early. I am blessed to have two sons who are 10 and 15, and the horrors of substance abuse have been a topic in our household for years.
There wasn’t a defining moment when we started talking about drug use. It came up organically. As a family, we talk a lot about the paths we take and how our choices today impact our future. We discuss the importance of making wise choices, learning from mistakes, taking responsibility, and avoiding peer pressure — which naturally led into the topic of substance abuse.
Become Educated Before Talking
Our family discussions have matured over the years, and I’ve learned valuable ways for parents to naturally integrate this topic into conversations. The key lies in finding a balance of age and content so everyone feels comfortable.
I suggest that you educate yourself on substance abuse before talking to your kids. Review recent statistics, find out what substances are being abused in your area, learn the street names of those substances, and research the effects of abuse.
Two common discussion points for most parents are vaping and marijuana abuse. The National Institute on Drug Abuse released a survey in December 2018 that showed a dramatic increase in teens using vaping devices: 37.3% of 12th graders reported vaping within the previous 12 months, an almost 10% increase over the previous year’s report.
Nearly 25% of high school students reported that they had used an illicit drug within the past year, with marijuana dominating the trend. The age of first substance abuse continues to shift younger, as early as 12 or 13 years old, which likely means some children begin earlier. That means parents need to get involved sooner rather than later.
Turn the Conversation From Uncomfortable to Organic
Just as you protect your children from strangers and diseases, you can help them become immunized to the risks of substance abuse by discussing the risks and ramifications of addiction. While it’s not the most fun topic to discuss, you don’t want to make it a lecture either.
The main goal is to create circumstances when kids can learn rather than make them defensive. One way I do this is with experiences that bring context to the conversation. For example, as a family, we serve dinners at a local homeless shelter. After every shift, we take time to reflect on the experience and talk about why these people might be homeless. Perhaps they lost their job, suffered from mental health issues, or abused substances. Those teachable moments are the perfect time to showcase the negative impacts of substance abuse.
We’ve also had this type of discussion after seeing a character in a movie who uses substances or when a national event occurs that is tied to the topic — think Red Ribbon Week or National Prevention Week.
If relevant, you can also discuss your own childhood experiences. Perhaps you used substances or had a family member who did. These honest conversations about unhealthy substance abuse among families can provide teens with a base for making intelligent decisions, especially if you educate them that addiction can be hereditary and isn’t necessarily linked to a single substance.
Start the Dialogue as Young as Possible
I believe there is no set age when a topic should be discussed; rather, you need to take into consideration your child’s maturity and your own comfort level. We starting talking with our sons about substance abuse when they were in elementary school, and I encourage you to do the same, if possible. Starting young helps to reinforce the importance of staying away from drugs as your children become exposed to them in later grades.
And as your children get older, there are some warning signs you can look out for. If your child has a change in behavior, gets a new group of friends, suffers a decline in schoolwork, or begins wearing clothes and jewelry that advocate drug use, it is time for you to sit down and talk.
As you start the conversation, remember to stay calm, remain present in the conversation, use age-appropriate terms, and ask their opinions about the topic.
While these conversations can be difficult, they will help you build a solid relationship with your children. Allow your children to talk about what’s going on, recognize their feelings, and listen in a nonjudgmental way.
Live with integrity, and don’t be afraid to show your love for your children. These strong relationships help to reduce risky behavior, now or in the future.
Prevention starts when you start talking — and listening.
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