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HIV-positive people always have a disclosure on their mind. They had to decide whether to tell their parents, managers, co-workers, friends, family and pretty much anyone who is a part of their life. When they met their partners, they had to figure out how to tell them they were HIV-positive, unless they met on an HIV dating site, which made their status pretty obvious.
To disclose or not to disclose? That is the question of all questions that HIV-positive fathers ponder on from the moment their children are born. Notwithstanding the fact that there are various ways to ensure a man with HIV has healthy offspring and doesn’t infect his partner or children, he still has to make a decision whether to tell his kids about the condition. Today we examine this predicament from several angles in the hopes of helping you figure out which way you want to go when it comes to disclosure.
#1: Reasons to Disclose
Most dads and their partners report similar reasons to disclose, and they have all come up with a plan on how to do it, which often includes the help of a family physician. Some parents argue that disclosure is necessary to maintain an honest relationship with their children, especially when one takes into consideration they might ‘accidentally find out from someone else’. Others say that disclosure was important because they wanted support from their children when they were undergoing obvious treatment.
#2: Reasons not to Disclose
When dads avoid disclosure, it’s usually because their children are young or it just ‘isn’t the right time’. Most fathers say they like to wait until their children become teenagers or turn 18. Others say they don’t disclose because they feel guilty for being infected, they don’t want to hurt their children or because they don’t know how to disclose properly. Whatever you decide, you and your partner need to be on the same page and support each other no matter what. Your relationship is the backbone of your family relations, and if you and your partner are strong, the kids won’t be as overwhelmed as you might think.
#3: Different Points of View
Family relations are always complicated no matter which issue is on the table. If you opt to disclose, you’ll get it off your chest, which will give you a peace of mind you haven’t experienced in a long time. That doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll transfer the burden over to your children. However, if you decide to carefully plan and execute your disclosure, in your mind it might seem like it went well, while your kids could feel the exact opposite. Obviously, the reverse is possible as well where you feel that it could have gone better, but your kids think it went just fine. Feelings are very subjective, which is something you should never forget, and talking about them at length always helps.
#4: Reluctance to Disclose is Warranted
Unfortunately, your fear of disclosing is warranted as evidenced by numerous research conducted on parental HIV disclosure. In many cases, parents report negative outcomes of disclosure, such as a problem or moody behavior, poorer family relations, and lowered self-confidence of children. Family context plays a huge role in disclosing and in potential outcomes that might result from it. If family relations are strong and open communication is on the desired level, there is a decreased chance that disclosing will negatively affect the children. On the other hand, if the relations within the family aren’t solid, working on improving them over time is advised before having the talk. Regardless of the family context, one factor seems to be very significant when it comes to positive disclosures, and that is the HIV-negative parent fully supporting the HIV-positive one at all times.
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This content is sponsored by Stefan Simonovic.
Photo: Shutterstock