Yesterday I found out that one of my all time fav SNL skits is getting their own flavah of Ben & Jerry’s. The dudes who brought you Chery Garcia, Phish Food and Magic Brownies, now brings us Schweddy Balls ice cream.
In case you don’t know what the hell I’m talking about; there was a skit on SNL where a baker named Pete Schweddy made some delicious balls and brought them when he went to a radio studio as a guest. During the course of the hilarious skit, all three participants make as many balls jokes as they can.
So, as I said, I found out about the new ice cream and my first reaction was, “Cool”. After contemplating the situation for a moment, I’m not sure I want to hand a checkout clerk a pint of Schweddy Balls. So I’ve bailed on the idea. I think. It’ll probably end up being a game-time decision. But I’m pretty sure that I won’t be able to resist a mouthful of Schweddy Balls.
And my guess is that once I enjoy a mouthful of Schweddy Balls, that I will keep filling my mouth with this oh-so-satisfying treat. I never thought I would say, “I want balls in my mouth,” but I do.
When I lived in Canada I was introduced to chicken balls. I could never really get behind that concept, because it sounds wrong. Likewise, I’ve never eaten a Rocky Mountain oyster. I don’t want anything to do with those kind of balls, but I’ve got a hankering for some Schweddy Balls.
The SNL skit was seriously one of my personal favorite moments from the show and as I’ve written this blog post I’ve watched it a half dozen times. Please allow me to share with you some of the better lines from the skit. And yes, I do believe that these two sniffed enormous amounts of glue before they did this skit.
But the thing I most like to bring out at this time of year are my balls.
Mmmmmmm. Balls. Mmmm. Tell us about your balls, Pete.
Wow. My mouth’s watering just thinking about those balls.
It’s been years since I’ve seen any balls.
Would you like to see my balls now?
Yeah. Whip em out.
Wow. You have some beautiful balls.
They’re bigger than I expected.
I know. A lot of people tell me that.
I can’t help but notice, Pete, that your balls are a little mis-shapen.
That’s because I rested them on a hot stove for too long.
Can I touch your balls?
Go ahead, but be careful, they’re very delicate.
It goes on and on from there and to really understand, you need to watch the video (which I have provided for you).
I’m keeping my fingers that the next flavor Ben & Jerry’s introduce is Coffee Is For Closers. That, of course, is from the movie Glengarry Glen Ross. In case you’re wondering what Schweddy Balls ice cream will be like, it mixes vanilla and rum-flavored ice cream with fudge-covered rum balls and chocolate malt balls and will be available through the end of the year.
Do you know the real reason I’m getting some of this stuff? It’s because I can’t resist Pete Schweddy’s balls.
P.S. I apologize if you found this blog post juvenile and stupid. I’m not apologizing for the post, but I am sorry you found it juvenile. Did you really expect any less from me?