I heard someone say the other day that the Christian values demanded in relationships were either impossible to attain in this century or were never really attainable. While I disagree with Him, I can really see why he would think that. The society is no more such as can encourage a genuinely held Christian set of values.
I know the ropes because I too have walked it, tail between my legs sometimes and some other times chest out. It’s a tricky path and compromising those values is rather easy and much more so if you are too worried about relevance among your peers or trying too hard to escape the harsh societal stereotype of the Christian man.
Maintaining these values are really a matter of choice and the strength of your convictions. There are too many Christian men who couldn’t care less about these values, but if you do then these tips are for you, they are extremely helpful in maintaining the values of purity, focus and longevity in relationships.
1. Understand That You Are Not Made Of A Different Stock
While the bible does demand certain values be imbibed, it doesn’t in any way suggest that the fact that we are Christians somehow automatically tames our rage, our panting libido, our intolerance or our impatience.
The point I am making is, stay away from situations that will make you compromise your values, Every man is made of a certain stock and your faith must be reflected in the activities you engage in. You are every bit man.
2. Don’t Have Too Much Privacy
We have already established that you are every bit a Man, sin thrives in the darkness of secrecy, so come out into the light. Dating should be both private and public and finding the balance is the trick.
Make sure friends to whom you can be accountable know about the dating situation and try to date in groups as often as possible. Keeping the situation in the dark will leave you very open to the suggestions of compromise. It is a sign of a healthy Christian dating situation when someone can walk into a conversation between the two of you, sit down and join in without feeling Awkward, even when you didn’t change the topic.
3. Get a Mentor
Nobody can really maintain any set number of goals without some sort of checks or accountability besides themselves. While we have internal regulation as Christians in the form of our Spirit inspired convictions and knowledge of the bible, it is still not enough.
Having external mentors and checks is exemplified all over the bible and is key for maintaining our standards and values in relationships. So get a mentor, and stay very transparent and open to Him or her. Make sure your mentor is one with proven Christian character and convictions and preferably a good marriage record as well; otherwise it might be a case of the blind leading the blind.
4. Avoid The Mushy Stuff Till You Are Sure What You Want
Admiration and attraction often causes us men to want to say a lot of things, this may not be a great idea at least not at the beginning of a dating situation. Women are moved much easier by what they hear and you don’t want your relationship and feelings to move faster than your level of commitment.
Rushing emotions are caused by words and are often a precursor to sexual relations, because the mind is the greatest sex organ. If you are at all serious about keeping your values intact, you will hold off on certain kinds of conversations and icy talk. Stay within the kinds of conversations that help you decipher the kind of person you are dating and if you are willing to commit long term to such a person.
5. Don’t Be Scared To Severe A Relationship That Isn’t Headed Anywhere
No one wants to leave a trail of broken hearted ladies behind Him, much less as a Christian Man. It doesn’t speak well of what you stand for. If genuine emphasis is paid to knowing who the other person is early on in the dating period then this can help avoid sad dating stories.
Investing in emotions is not to be the first pursuit in a dating relationship for the Christian man, but discovery of personality. Knowing someone will help you know from the get go if there is a reasonable chance of a more serious relationship blossoming, if you find that there isn’t, then it is easier at the early times to communicate your feelings and severe the relationship.
6. Stick With Your Kind
One of the most potent killers of relationships is when the two parties are pulling against each other; headed in different directions. If you are a Christian man hoping to remain pure and focused through the dating phase, its already difficult enough trying, you don’t want to complicate it by dating someone who wants different things than you.
You need to be a bit cautious about who you date, and what values the person holds on to. If values agree at both ends, your chances are tremendously increased.
7. Don’t Be Too Cautious Though
Some Christian Men have not even taken off in the dating game mostly because they took the last tip to mean that they had to go all CIA on the ladies they meet. You need to chill out a bit. It is plain stupid laying out a list of premeditated questions on your first date, when there are a lot of great conversations to be had on a first date that help you discover the person more and not appear weird.
Discovery should be a process… dates should be fun, don’t turn it into an inquisition.
8. Lower Your Expectations
Have reasonable standards and preferences, I am not necessarily talking about physical preferences, though that too must be reasonable. Too many Christian men are looking to marry Mary the Mother of Christ, but she has been dead a long time now.
No one is perfect, what you need to look out for is the genuineness of faith and the drive to grow and become a better Christian.
9. Work on Yourself
No one is perfect, but the biggest room on earth is the room for improvement. You can become a better Christian, a more sincere person, a person less prone to rage, a more loving person, a more self controlled person. You need to stay with scriptures and prayers as well as read good books and get involved in activities that shape character. There is no need looking for Miss right if you are not alright yourself.
I know I have said it many times before, but it can’t be overemphasized. Prayer increases focus and our sensitivity to hear from God. We make better God-inspired decisions when we pray often. We stay calm and avoid mistakes.
That being said, the society may suggest anything but these tips, but if at all you are serious about wanting maintain your Christian values, you should stand by them.
Photo: Getty Images