Certain things should just be common sense, in my opinion. But, the more life experiences I have, the more I realize that there is a serious lack of effort, romance, dignity, chivalry, and just overall respect in dating and relationships – and there is no excuse for it.
Some people will wonder why I’m criticizing men in this article, and not women. Well, that’s because I’m a man, and I strive to become better every day as a human being, a son, a brother, a boyfriend, a member of society – so I share my experiences and my opinion on what we, as men, can do to improve.
So, as a whole, what are some things men should do more of, in relationships?
DO THE DISHES MORE
Yep, the dishes. I don’t care if you cooked, or didn’t cook. Cleaned last night, or not. I don’t even care if you are visiting your girlfriend and there are dishes in her sink. Clean that shit up.
Why, you might ask? Because you are contributing to someone else’s life by doing something that they may be struggling to find the time to do, or perhaps have been putting it off, or maybe they just don’t enjoy it.
“I don’t like to do it either, so why should I?” Because you are willing to put in effort for someone you care about, right?
SUPPORT HER MORE, NO MATTER WHAT
One of the biggest complaints I hear from women about men these days, is how men are ‘intimidated’ by success, or strength, or ambition, or passion. These, gentlemen, are all qualities that we should be thankful for a woman to have. These are qualities that make her a teammate, an equal, a partner in crime.
If you stifle her passions or try to discourage her personal growth, you are doing both her, and yourself, a massive disservice by not embracing her full potential. If you need to hold someone back in order to feel secure in yourself, it is not them you should be worried about, friend.
GIVE HER MORE SPACE
I personally struggled with this for a long time. As someone who grew up with little-to-no success with women, I was constantly worried about someone slipping away if she did, eventually, show interest in me.
So, I would always feel the need to be on top of her (not literally…well…) and I’d think that if I wasn’t communicating with her directly, she wasn’t actually thinking about me, or missing me, or maybe she’d just change her mind and be done with me.
A little pathetic, eh?
The problem is, I still hear stories like this about grown men who are, apparently, not in a secure enough relationship to understand that love is freedom, and two people who live individual lives need to be able to continue doing so, regardless of their relationship status.
She will appreciate you more for it. Believe me.
COOK FOR HER MORE
It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate (bonus points if it is), but there are a lot of benefits to cooking for the woman in your life.
– It’s creative. You can have fun with it and create a new experience for her that she’s never had before.
– It shows you care. I don’t know about you, but I grew up in a household where cooking for someone was a sign of love and affection.
– It’s sexy. Ask any woman what they think of a man cooking for them, and I bet that you’ll see that 4-letter word more often than not.
LEARN MORE ABOUT HER
It baffles me how often I see couples who might as well be complete strangers. I think this is a symptom of the society we’re living in, where we are so focused on ourselves and our notifications, that we end up forgetting what it means to really absorb the essence of another human being.
What are her love languages? How does she like her steak cooked? What’s her favorite flavor of gum? Does she like her bagel to be burnt just the right amount?
If you don’t know these things – why not?
BE MORE CONSISTENT
THIS IS A BIG ONE. I MIGHT WRITE THIS ENTIRE PARAGRAPH IN CAPS LOCK.
Alright, maybe not, but just imagine that I am. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard from women that they just don’t know what to expect from the guy they’re “dating.” He’s broken up with her multiple times. He doesn’t come through when he needs her. He isn’t there to support her when times get rough.
Guys, I really don’t know what to say about this. It disappoints me, and honestly it just breaks my heart.
It’s sad to think that people have the capacity to disregard the feelings of someone they are supposed to care for. Please, if you are going to commit to someone (and she’s going to commit to you), then be consistent. If you can’t give her that, just stay single.
Holy shit, I said it. You read that right. Another frequent complaint I hear from women is that men just get on in the car and drive it off without warming it up first.
You know better, guys. I have always believed that a woman’s satisfaction in the bedroom should be priority (not just because you’ll fall asleep when you’re done, dude), but because I think being a ‘giver’ is important. Plus, what guy doesn’t get turned on by seeing herturned on?
Physical intimacy helps you two learn and grow together outside of the bedroom, as well. Pay attention to her. Read her body. Hear what she’s not saying. It will benefit all areas of the relationship.
Men are absolutely notorious for being poor communicators, but that isn’t how it has to be. I am noticing a shift in men where we are becoming more open and able to communicate more effectively. Maybe it’s because we feel more accepted for having emotions these days (I’m not saying to cry every time a Hallmark commercial comes on), or because we are evolving as a species, but one thing remains certain:
Communication is the backbone of any successful relationship. Women appreciate when you are open and honest with them. They are not mind-readers any more than you are, so trying to figure out what the hell you’re thinking when you’re staring at the ceiling is just going to create more problems for both of you.
Nobody (man or woman) will know how to be better for you in your relationship, if you don’t communicate it to them.
DATE HER MORE
I got news for you: Romance and courtship don’t stop when you commit to someone. In fact, that’s when it really begins.
You’ve now made a commitment to build a relationship with someone. You are a team. You are in this together. This is where the fun begins, not where it ends.
Becoming ‘exclusive’ is not the finish line that signifies you can just pull off the throttle and start coasting. No, no my friend, we must consciously make an effort every single day to keep putting effort in for the woman in our life. To show her how important she is to us. To show her we are willing to be there for her no matter what. To show her that we are serious about building a life with her.
If you can’t do that, allow her the freedom to find someone who can.
APPRECIATE HER MORE
When was the last time you showed the woman in your life how much you truly appreciate her? Not just something she did, or something she accomplished, but who she is as a living, breathing, human being?
When was the last time you showed her how much you appreciate how genuine, or kind, or caring she is? How she adds a ray of sun to the world that wouldn’t exist without her? How she makes you feel renewed, energized, and excited about life in a way you never have been before?
When was the last time you made her feel as though she is the only woman you’ve ever cared about? The only one you can see – that none of her efforts are taken for granted?
Never let the woman in your life forget how much she means to you. When you enter into a relationship, as far as I’m concerned, this is an unspoken promise you are making every day.
Nothing here is magic, or unreasonable. Nothing here requires superpowers. Nothing here requires you to quit your job or dedicate your entire life to a new path. Everything here just takes one small thing we can all give to someone:
This post originally appeared on James M. Sama’s website.
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