It’s hard to get back out there. I get it. I’m having a bit of a rough patch myself. So let’s talk about what makes online dating so hard even when we have such innovative online dating apps like Bumble, Tinder, Match.com, and OK Cupid.
What’s Wrong With Online Dating?
- People are not honest in their profiles
- Out of date pictures (when your “hello date” shows up and you think WTF?
- Lying about what they like to do for fun (if you never go see live music, why say you love it?)
- People are not really willing to put in the time or energy to date again
- People are just entertaining themselves with online dating, like social media or a reality tv show
- Authentic and engaged connections are hard to find, with or without online dating
How Single Dads Approach Online Dating
- I’d like a relationship, but I don’t really want to work too hard to get it
- I really miss my intimate relationship, and it’s like I have a huge hole in my chest, and I’d like you to help me fill up my hole of loneliness
- If I really want to date I’ve got to go after the good ones (what does too much aggression or too type-a look like?)
- I’m all about upping my odds. If it’s a numbers game, I’m going to play the numbers to win
So that’s how I approach online dating, for the most part. I’ve been working recently on mindful dating or dating with intention, but for the most part, I’m seeking a relationship. And, while I won’t do anything to get my connection needs met, I am willing to stretch my ambitions, lifestyle, or financial prowess a bit in order to reach my goal. My goal, as a single dad, is not a mother for my children. My goal is to meet my physical and emotional needs with another adult human. In my case, that happens to be a woman. (And likely a single mom.)
18 Signs a Single Dad Likes You
- He’s making time to reach out to you.
- He’s asking for opportunities to “get together” the actual activity is less important.
- He expresses his wants and needs clearly. (“Can we just hold each other for a minute?”)
- He responds to you when you call or text in a positive and energetic way.
- He listens to you, and lets you know later how he was picking up details of what you said, what you asked for, or what you expressed as a need or boundary.
- He is unafraid of your criticism and does not react with defensiveness. He has a curiosity about what has pissed you off.
- He always gives you the benefit of the doubt.
- He understands you are a parent first and a partner second. He’s also a single parent, so he “gets it.”
- He genuinely goes out of his way to find nice things to say, nice ways to make you feel loved.
- He knows his own love language, and he’s willing to learn more about yours.
- He can express joy simply at being in your presence.
- Self-care is part of his routine as well, so he respects and supports your self-care.
- He can give you a non-sexual hug or massage.
- He shares his delight at kissing you, holding your hand, or just being connected to you.
- He wants to say “hello” when he wakes up in the morning and before he goes to be
- He misses you and can tell you about it
- He knows the difference between I want you and I need you. (And he WANTS you.)
- He wants to make your relationship exclusive long before sex enters the equation (“I’m taking my dating profiles down.”)
The Goal: Find a Long-Term Relationship To Last a Lifetime
After all, if our intention is to find a long-term relationship, taking down and deleting the online dating apps is the first step towards a victory dance. So, when you are both delighted to find the time to be together, and you are both expressing desire to find more time, you are well on your way towards establishing the trust that anchors an authentic relationship.
More dating/touch posts:
- Here and Now: Touching Objects of Desire
- Unlocking Touch – The Love Language I Speak
- The Waiting is the Hardest Part
- There’s Something Missing
- (Singing) Find Me Somebody to Love
- The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts
- Sexual Intelligence: What We Really Want from Sex–and How to Get It
- The Soul of Sex: Cultivating Life as an Act of Love
- Zen Sex: The Way of Making Love
image: hugging, creative commons usage