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As a 30-something woman, I have heard men complaining about where to find a “nice girl.” I’m sure you all know the type—they are ready to settle down but haven’t found “the one”. Sometimes it’s true that simply the right person has not come into their path, but likely it has to do with their own habits. If a man wants a nice girl, then he needs to become the man a nice girl wants.
• You judged her too quickly.
No one is perfect. In order to find a partner that is healthy and loving, you should be able to accept a few things that are outside what you want. The way to do this is to come up with five non-negotiables for your life. These are five standards for your partners that are non-negotiable. Anything outside those five things ARE negotiable.
An example: Your five non-negotiables are-
1) She needs to work.
2) She needs to have a car.
3) She needs to love children.
4) She needs to have a good sense of humor.
5) I need to find her attractive.
These are five realistic and specific non-negotiables. Don’t leave them so open-ended that almost anything can be added into the category. Be specific. So if you meet a woman that meets all those standards but she has a child, then that is a negotiable. It is something you should give a chance to see if it works for you. If it doesn’t work for you then don’t date her and put it on your non-negotiable list instead of needing a car.
• You aren’t changing your habits.
You are still going out to clubs and hitting on women, thinking it’s okay because you aren’t committed fully yet. A nice girl is not going to stick around for this behavior. They are going to judge you off your actions and leave you. Let your actions match your words. If your heart desires a healthy and loving partner, then be a healthy and loving person for them.
• You are looking in the wrong places.
I am, admittedly, a nice girl. So I can tell you exactly where to find one. You are likely not going to find her at a bar or club. If you do, then that’s because she’s going out for the first time in a while with her friends. The most likely place to find a nice girl is at work. I know we are not supposed to date our co-workers, but I will tell you why it’s the perfect place. It means she is employed. It means she is responsible. It means she is able to support herself. These are characteristics of a healthy-minded individual.
Other good places to find a nice girl are through friends, at school events (if she has children), or at events; such as weddings, church events, or fairs.
Given these tools and changes, a man should be able to find the right woman. A lot of it is about timing and finding someone you don’t mind compromising for. Just remember that changing yourself for the better is not considered changing yourself for another person. We should all improve ourselves and strive to be better people.
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Photo: Getty Images
The only shitty article iv read on this website. Full of judgment and pre conceived ideas
The problem I’ve seen with meeting women in bars/clubs is that unless it’s a very specific type of situation (eg. a favorite band is playing there, some kind of event is happening, or some kind of “theme” night), the only thing you know you have in common with any woman there is that you’re both in the same place at the same time. You have to really grasp to find a thread to pull on that isn’t solely based on physical attraction. Even if you find something that’s a great conversation starter, it often fizzles quickly. Another thing is the… Read more »
Another thing: Nice girls are seldom to be found at bars. That is a joke and so not true. Most intellectual women I know really enjoy being at a cozy bar or a pub because it allows you to converse in the evening. Another thing that I disagree with: a nice girl is employed. That seems very backwardly again. I know plenty of fantastic women who are artists, musicians and work on their own. It seems to be a very narrow perspective on what nice people do. Nice people means: they are honest, authentic, loyal and will take care of… Read more »
Thank you for the article, good points. I feel a little put off by the “she needs to have a car”. That sounds very backwardly to me. A lot of great people do not have cars, because they choose not to or have other priorities. If you look to Europe, a lot of people, even with high salaries, practice car sharing.
This isn’t true, women tend to do the exact same thing. They go out to clubs and bars to “allow” themselves to get hit on (we all know, women doesnt take the first step) even if they date someone, with the thoughts: “im still single, we’re not serious yet so I can sleep with others” I’m a guy, and I never “hit” on women at bars/clubs or any social arrangements, it feels too awkward and I’m a bit restricted and picky in who I choose to spend my effort on, I’ve dated quite alot over the years and every single… Read more »
@Peter – I am not sure women go to bars/clubs in order to get hit on. I don’t, at least. I think most women do enjoy feeling sexy and attractive though. It is the same for women. If they are not willing to change their behaviors, then it’s likely they are not the “nice girl” you might be looking for. I would not suggest trying to find one in a bar or club.
I started hanging out in bars and clubs because I never met any women (nice or not) in/through any of the places/ways you suggest for meeting nice women. It was where there actually seemed to be some women to meet.
I think most of us can relate to that. It’s hard to find a person if you are simply going to work and coming home. It becomes an issue of quality over quantity. So it might take longer to meet a woman in a place outside a bar/club, but it will likely be worth it.
I would always suggest telling your friends to set you up with a woman. It might take a few tries, but they may get it right at some point.
Great post, and yeah sometimes guys look at the wrong places to find nice girls 😀