Don’t we all just want feel safe?
It’s something that women always say they are looking for in a man, someone to make them ‘feel safe.’
And, of course, you want to give her that. What man wouldn’t?
But how the hell do you do that? What makes a woman feel safe?
Let me tell you….
1. Listen to her
The most important thing to make a woman feel safe is for her to know that you are listening to her.
That when she talks you are paying attention and understanding what she is saying and feeling.
While you might be inclined to think that you need to ‘fix’ her to make her feel safe, in reality really all she wants you to do is to listen and let her know that you are there for her.
So, next time your girl opens up to you, sit down and pay attention. Hold her hand, empathize with her feelings and confirm for her that you are there and that you always will be.
2. Do what you say you are going to do
Are you one of those guys who doesn’t always do what you say you are going to do?
Do you tell your girl that you will be home at 6 even if you know you aren’t going to be home until 8 because you don’t want to make her mad? Or that you will go pick out the windows for the house renovation, even though chances are good that you will have to work?
Often, for many men, they don’t do what they say they are going to do because they are worried that if they speak the truth they will hurt or upset their woman.
In fact, the opposite is true. Men who don’t do what they say they are going to do actually hurt their woman more and definitely don’t make them feel safe.
So, make sure you do what you say you are going to do. Allow your woman to feel confident that she can rely on you to always be there for her. And make her feel safe.
3. Tell her how you feel about her
Have you ever thought to yourself ‘I don’t need to tell her how I feel about her. She knows.’
Do you take out the garbage faithfully, assuming that by doing so your woman will know you love her?
If the answer to either question is YES then you are wrong!
Telling your woman how you feel about her is a key component in making her feel safe. She might have a sense of how you feel but to actually hear the words come out of your mouth let’s her know that you have her back. That you care about her enough to tell her and that she knows that she can count on you to be there for her.
4. Act like a man
I know. I know. In this day and age men and women are equal. And my 23-year-old daughter will kill me for saying this, but the truth of the matter is that men can make women feel safe by just acting like themselves.
Men are genetically programed to be protectors. The survival of the species depended on men protecting their women and children from predators. That instinct is not gone in this 21st century world.
I am not saying that you need to brandish your club and knock down anyone who messes with your girl but make sure that she knows that you are there for her, to reach the things that she can’t reach, to carry that load that is just too much for her, to hold the door open when her hands are full and to get rid of that dead mouse carcass the cat dragged in.
Tap into your inner caveman, without letting him take you over completely, and allow your girl to feel safe.
5. Be honest
The number one most important thing in making a woman feel safe is to be honest.
I said above that it is important that you always do what you say you are going to do but it is more than that.
For a woman to feel safe she needs to feel trust. And if you can’t be honest with her she can never trust you.
So, if you can’t get home for dinner, tell her. If you need to see your mother instead of going out with her friends, don’t make an excuse. Tell her the truth. If you ran up the credit card debt or forgot to give the kids a bath or need some time on your own, be direct and up front. Tell her the truth, right away.
Let her know that she can rely on you to be honest and if you do she will feel safe.
If you want the girl of your dreams to love you forever, let her feel safe.
Listen to her, do what you say you are going to do, tell her how you feel about her, protect her and be honest.
I promise you. You make your girl feel safe and she is yours forever.
Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate whose writing has been published in The Huffington Post, Prevention Magazine, and The Good Men Project, among others, and who works exclusively with women to help them to be all they want to be in this crazy world in which we live. Let her help you life the life of your dreams by contacting her now via email to get started!
Originally published on YourTango. Republished with permission.
Photo by Allef Vinicius on Unsplash