Have you ever felt frustrated that your attractiveness is so deeply tied to your appearance?
I’ve been there too.
The fact that we can’t change the way we look is sometimes disheartening. No matter how beautiful we are, there are always times in our lives when we feel inadequate, deeply unattractive and like we’d rather cover all mirrors so we don’t have to look at our face.
There are highs and there are lows.
It’s important to remember that everyone is beautiful in their own way, that you do have the power over how you look to a certain degree and that, fortunately, attractiveness doesn’t lie only in looks. Sure, it’s important that you take care of yourself, shower, and have a healthy lifestyle, however, lots of people might find you attractive based on how you act the most.
I’ve known a guy who wasn’t objectively the most beautiful man out there — but he had so much charisma, so much charm, that I ended up dating him for a few weeks. Actually, most of my female friends back then fancied him at some point. He was a lady magnet and he knew it, which only made him even more attractive.
The following six signs show that you’re attractive no matter how you look because it’s the behaviour that does the trick.
You’re Confident in Your Own Skin
Everyone has insecurities. Really attractive people are aware of them, know how to handle them and often turn them into their biggest strengths.
For example, attractive short guys show you that their height has nothing to do with their masculinity, confidence and happiness — they openly admit that they’re short and they can even seek out tall women. I’ve known lots of short guys who were insecure about their height and you could tell, which is exactly why I didn’t like them.
Then I met a man who’s short and confident, and trust me — it’s a game-changer.
The key to having other people love you is to love yourself. Embrace all your faults and imperfections. Celebrate who you are.
Confidence is hot.
You Listen and Understand
People who go on and on about themselves are boring.
Why? Because they show no interest in other people whatsoever, which makes them tedious conversationalists.
Narcissism isn’t cool. Hot people take a step back from self-centeredness and focus on what others tell them, truly. When you’re attractive, you listen. You ask questions. You show understanding and compassion. You celebrate victories with your loved ones, you share their sadness when something goes wrong, you remember what they tell you.
Pay attention to people. If they’re worth it, they’ll return the favour. By focusing on them, you make them focus on you back.
You Show Humbleness and Self-Awareness
Men who think they know everything are the worst. They lecture you even when they know literally nothing about the topic just to appear smart.
It’s super attractive when you know where your limits are. Don’t sacrifice humbleness for the idea of being the cleverest person in the room. When you don’t know what you’re talking about, people can tell — and they’ll either pity you, roll their eyes at you or won’t be able to stand you, all being complete opposites of the desired reaction.
Build an honest rapport with people. When you don’t know something, ask. There’s no shame in asking questions. Learning is growing.
Know who you are, know what you’re capable of, know where your weaknesses are and be open about learning from other people, especially women. They’ll appreciate you for it.
You’re Kind but Assertive
Personally, kindness is the hottest quality in a person.
Kind people radiate warmth, openness, safety and stability — they make you feel like you can be yourself, be vulnerable, and you won’t get hurt.
That means that kindness is a super attractive trait because people are naturally drawn to you. They want to be around you because of how well you treat them. They feel happy and comfortable in your presence.
It’s important to put up boundaries, though. Kindness is great to a certain degree but if you let people walk over you, it quickly turns into the complete opposite of attractiveness.
Doormats aren’t hot.
Hot people know when to say no. They value their time, their hobbies, their integrity — and they’re not going to be nice to somebody at the expense of compromising themselves in the process. This assertiveness is especially attractive because it shows that you know what you want.
Integrity and kindness are the sexiest combo.
I’m weird. In many ways, I’m a little crazy. I don’t open up to many people because I often feel like they wouldn’t completely understand me.
When I meet someone open-minded, it’s like a lightbulb goes on. Attention, attention. Relationship material, relationship material. The chances of me being attracted to them are much higher than with others.
Living without judgement is hard. We’re not saints. But when you try to accept people with all their weird quirks instead of judging them for it, they’ll naturally like you more. Because they’ll feel seen. Understood. Validated and loved for who they are.
It’s a wonderful thing when you don’t have to filter yourself with someone. Make sure to be that someone — you’ll automatically become much hotter.
Adding in a pinch of weirdness won’t hurt you either. It’s attractive to be out of the ordinary.
You’re Willing to Grow as a Person
Progress is key. If you’re not growing as a person throughout your life, what are you even doing?
Every experience shapes us, every person we meet leaves a footprint, every thought that crosses our mind creates a mindset that has an impact on everything in our life.
You always move forward. Attractive people move in a self-improving direction — they aspire to be the best versions of themselves, and even when they fail, they learn from their mistakes and keep going.
They don’t give up. They’re not afraid to apologize. They have goals and aspirations.
When you meet someone like that, you can see that they have an interesting future ahead of them. You see the drive in their eyes, the optimism for the days to come.
And it motivates you. Which is another reason why you like them so much.
People who strive to be better versions of themselves every day bring out the best in others because they’re so inspiring.
So be inspiring too.
Beauty is subjective.
The person who falls in love with you will think you’re the most gorgeous person on planet Earth. When I love somebody, I could stare at their face for ages. They simply look perfect. I adore every imperfection, every part of their flesh, every movement of their body.
Not everyone will find you attractive — but the person who matters will.
Adjusting your behaviour won’t hurt you either, though. All the examples I’ve mentioned above aren’t only attractive but also very healthy and wonderful qualities to have in general.
Try your best to be a great human being and you’ll attract other great people into your life too.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Alex Iby on Unsplash