Dating advice is as common as rain nowadays. It feels like everyone and their dog have something to say about dating and relationships. It’s undeniably a hot topic, given how integral finding love is to a happy and fulfilling life. But, not all advice is good advice. So I have compiled a list of some popular yet useless dating advice to watch out for.
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Put Her in the Friend-Zone
This has to be by far the dumbest tactic anyone can use to make someone like them. Usually, it’s men who complain about being in the friend zone. Rarely do we hear about women in a similar dilemma, though it happens from time to time.
Thanks to the power of reverse psychology, guys now think they have found a solution. The secret apparently is to convince women to fall for them by pretending to be their friend.
Doing this is manipulation pure and simple. It’s also deceptive and disingenuous. The truth is no guy wants to be friends with a potential love interest, so why lie about it. Pretending to be something you are not will only backfire in the long run. Most women looking for a date will move on once they realize the relationship is platonic.
The problem with guys who find themselves friend-zoned is that they misread signs of interest. The solution is simple. Just be straightforward and honest with your intentions from the get-go.
Don’t Compliment Her
A lot of advice for men centers on avoiding appearing weak. The definition of weakness according to dating coaches is showing beta male traits. One of these traits is showering a new love interest with compliments.
The reasoning behind this is complimenting appearance lower’s a man’s value and gives the woman power. They state, by showing too much interest in her, she will become disinterested because she now has the validation she needed.
Guys need to realize women don’t lose interest when you compliment them. If they lose interest, it means they had no romantic attraction to start with. So it doesn’t matter what you say. She won’t magically get the hots for you because you didn’t compliment her.
Be Too Cool For School
Acting like you are not interested in a girl when you first meet is another tactic encouraged by love gurus. It’s believed women prefer men who act distant and aloof. So men naturally assume, by ignoring and pretending to have better things to do, will make her like him more.
The problem with this line of thinking is for her to show interest she needs to know where you stand so she can reciprocate. If she thinks you are not interested, it’s unlikely she will waste her time and energy chasing you. This is even more true if she doesn’t know you well. Playing it too cool with someone you have started seeing will only lead to being put in the friend zone or outright ignored. Flirting and building sexual tension is necessary for building attraction.
Try to Act More Like a Bad Boy
“Nice guys finish last” is an aphorism most people are familiar with. Go to any popular dating and relationship website or YouTube channel and you will find this phrase repeated ad nauseam.
On the surface, it makes logical sense to think one has to act like a bad boy to be desirable. Since it seems women say they want nice guys, but the men they actually end up with are anything but nice.
If you fake being the type of man she is looking for, it will only be a matter of time before she sees through your charade. It takes a lot of energy pretending to be something you are not. And, most decent women that are worth dating are pretty attuned to spotting pretenders from a mile away.
The same goes for pretending to have high status or riches. Some guys might not care for the long-term ramifications. They just want to score an easy lay by any means necessary. This is a very dangerous game to play in today’s environment. You wouldn’t want to be accused of rape by deception just for a quick cheap thrill.
Don’t Call Her Too Soon
I do not know where the idea of delaying calling a crush came from. Maybe a dating coach somewhere took the saying “distance makes the heart grow fonder” way too literally. It’s all so silly, to be honest.
Delaying calling to increase interest only works if the person already has high interest and some investment in you.
Ignoring someone who doesn’t know you well or has medium to low interest will only push them away for good.
Use the Push-Pull Method
The push-pull method is a psychological manipulation static used by many pickup artists. It involves convening interest and disinterest simultaneously. In theory, implementing the push-pull tactic is intended to make the girl want you more. Though it will probably leave her confused more than anything else. Imagine meeting someone who pops in and out of your life willy-nilly. It would feel jarring and off-putting.
Negging
Negging is another term used by pickup artists. Neil Strauss popularised it when he wrote about it in “the game”. It’s essentially emotional manipulation, whereby a guy attempts to lower a girl’s self-esteem by giving her a compliment followed by an insult. Negging should not be confused with having fun banter that involves playful teasing.
The idea is to give a girl the impression you are not trying to impress her, which leads her to wonder why and thus making you a challenge. Maybe this might work on naive girls with little life experience. For most women, negging will only make a man appear immature.
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Parting Thoughts
Just to be clear, I’m not wholly against people giving dating advice. There is a lot of good advice available online if you know where to look. My contention is with advice that makes dating more complicated than it needs to be.
Too many people are in the dating and relationship niche for marketing and making money purposes. Hence why we end up with information that sounds impressive to read but ineffective when implemented in the real world.
Good advice teaches you to be authentic. It’s not about gimmicks and parlor tricks intended to deceive a woman into liking you. The path to success lays in being fearlessly honest with yourself and others. When you start being authentic with women, not only will they will respect you, but they will find you irresistible too.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Tamara Bellis on Unsplash