—
Love, they say is a beautiful thing. When two persons are in love, no other thing would seem to matter. The flaws that others would easily see in a person become invisible to his or her lover and that gives credence to the saying that “Love is blind.”
However, for those with the intention of transiting from ordinary lovers to marriage partners, there are things they need to consider about their intended partners in order to have a fulfilled marriage. The common things people usually put into consideration include beauty, financial stability, generosity, romance, and intelligence. While all those things have a part to play in marriage, there are other things that we tend to overlook but which go a long way in determining the success of a marriage, and as a lover, your love should not be blind to such facts if you truly desire a lasting marriage.
So here are seven virtues you should look out for in your intended partner before you go ahead to tie the knot.
1.Truthfulness
It would be a big mistake for you to get married to someone who will not tell you the truth in and about every situation. The damages that lies could cause in a marriage are so monumental. Many marriages have hit the rock because a partner finds out that the spouse had been lying all along.
Lies suddenly found out could make it difficult for a partner to trust the spouse even if they’ve been married for many years. Such distrust would only lead to suspicions and once a person begins to suspect and doubt the actions and words of his or her partner, the love they once shared would begin to diminish. It is, therefore, advisable that you watch out for how truthful your lover is during the period of courtship, so as not to marry someone who will feed you with lies in marriage.
2. Kindness
In marriage, there would always be moments of disagreement and conflict. It is at such moments when things are not going the way you like that your kindness and that of your partner come to test. The way you react when you are pissed off would show how kind you are to your spouse or vice versa. Those marriage partners who end up beating themselves lost kindness along the journey of love. Some had even gone to the extent of killing their partners during a conflict, which indicates that their kindness never existed or had long been lost.
The kindness of a partner can easily be seen through his or her words and actions. For instance, rather than giving a reply that could make a spouse cry, a kind partner would carefully choose his words. Even if the spouse had said things that did hurt, a kind partner would consciously respond in love and won’t consider retaliating or saying something that will be more painful than what was said by the spouse.
So in order to enjoy your marriage, look out for how kind and considerate your intended partner is.
3. Honor
One sure proof of a healthy relationship is the honor the partners give to each other. In other words, a healthy marriage is one in which each of the partners honors and respects the others’ person and opinions. An intended partner who dishonors you will not allow you to contribute your opinion on issues of interest and that is not a good partner to settle down with.
Similarly, you could get to see the honor your intended partner have for you through the way he or she treats you in public. A lover who insults you publicly definitely has no honor for your person and if you, by any means get married to that kind of a person, then be ready for more of such ridicule and humiliation. You should rather settle down with a partner who will show and give you the deserved respect even when you’ve made him or her angry, as anger is not an excuse to dishonor one’s partner.
Closely related to honor and respect in marriage is submission.
4. Healthy Submissiveness
When it comes to marriage, submission is a duty which is popularly delegated to wives. Women are sometimes encouraged to be submissive to their husbands, as the man is the head of the home. However, in order to have a marriage that works, both husband and wife should practice mutual submission. Marriage is a 50/50 partnership and as such, men should learn to give their wives’ voice a chance to be heard.
The husband should not be a control freak. He should not run his marriage in a dictatorship style. In the same vein, a wife also, should not try to be a control freak. Just as some men are dictators in the home, some women also, try to manipulate decisions to get their way. Such actions could be detrimental to the stability of a marriage.
Being submissive in marriage does not lessen your worth! And submission doesn’t mean you are a doormat, rather, it shows the love and respect you have for your partner. Therefore, before you walk down the aisle, diligently watch out for this virtue in your intended partner.
5. Forgiveness
There’s no way love partners won’t offend each other at some point. The ease with which a partner forgives his or her spouse will determine how healthy the marriage is. You should, therefore, take note of how your intended partner reacts whenever you’ve had a misunderstanding or quarrel. If he or she is the type who does not forgive easily or the type that keeps a record of old quarrels, then not going ahead into marriage with him or her could be a very wise decision.
6. Patience
This is a very important virtue you must not overlook in your intended marriage partner. Marriage brings together two distinct individuals and as such, it takes time before the partners get to fully understand themselves and their attitude towards life. Even at that, since marriage is a life-long journey, the uniqueness of each partner will always come to bear even after being married for decades. Patience is, therefore, needed in order to stay in a marriage with someone whose personality is totally different from yours.
Many divorce cases happened simply because the partners are not patient enough with each other. Imagine the stress, quarrels, troubles, mistakes, tears, resources, and time couples would spare themselves if only they can be a bit more patient. A Chinese proverb states that: “one moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.”
7. Support
You should settle down in marriage only with someone who is willing to give you the needed support that will make you successful in life. Go for someone who will support you and your dreams—even if they don’t entirely understand them. Choose a partner who is interested in your exploits—never settle for one who will carry out a subordination agenda on you.
A good partner will spur you on to do more and will help bring out the best in you and that is the kind of partner you should consider tying the knot with.
—
What’s your take on what you just read? Comment below or write a response and submit to us your own point of view or reaction here at the red box, below, which links to our submissions portal.
◊♦◊
Get the best stories from The Good Men Project delivered straight to your inbox, here.
◊♦◊
Sign up for our Writing Prompts email to receive writing inspiration in your inbox twice per week.
—
Photo credit: Shutterstock