Men want sex, but they want the right kind of sex. They do not want the old, macho, sex where they just go for quick pleasure. They do not want to dominate their woman and hope she enjoys herself. They do not want to hope for the best, hope that they get it right, hope their desire is returned.
In this age of integrated, mature men it is important to understand a man’s needs, but more importantly, it is important to understand a woman's needs. Barging ahead creates failure and a disconnect between men and women. Sex is what brings men and women together, but often it is a raw experience of sex that is focused on satisfy their needs. As time goes on this fades and sex takes on a deeper more personal aspect. This when it is critical for a man to understand the needs of his partner.
Here is a quick run-down on how to create great sex with your woman and get all the sex you want:
1. Be totally present with her, give her attention.
Don't drift into your shell, your man-cave, when she is around. She needs to know that you want and appreciate her. You need to understand what she is saying and what she wants. Connect with her emotional side and have some fun. Get out of your head and focus on her, even if you are focusing on other things, break away from time to time and connect with her.
2. Anticipate her needs and desires, surprise her.
You should know her so well that you give her what she wants before she realises she wants it. This makes her feel special and wanted. It may take time to get to know what she wants, but it is worth the effort. Women love a man who does something different. Leave the old patterns behind, catch her off guard.
3. Read the signals.
She wants you to make the first move, but she wants you to know that she is ready. So many men completely miss the signals. This flows naturally out of being present with her, but it still needs practice to understand what her signals mean. Do not wait until she has to tell you what she wants, anticipate it.
4. Know and communicate what you want.
You need to be certain of what you want, no hesitation or doubt. Be a rock. This does not mean you can force this on her. She needs to know that you are strong and certain. It can free her from doubt or mistrust in you. Communicate your desires clearly to her, but listen to her reactions and adapt, if necessary.
5. Remember, she started long before you.
Sex for a woman begins long before a man thinks it does. If you have it right she's off before you realise it. It also lasts long after a man has finished, you need to understand and remember this. This means that the activities around sex become part of it for her. Once you can see how this works you can transform the experience for her and for yourself.
6. Remember sex is intimacy, be intimate.
It you look on sex as just a physical act you will get nowhere, connect with her, deeply. What you learned in the previous point is relevant here. Intimacy between the two of you is critically important for her. Just cuddling can be frustrating for a man, unless you feel your way deeply into it. Understand how she connects with it and feel it inside yourself.
10. Relax and have some fun.
That's what it's all about isn't it? Sex should always be more than just the act itself. It is a vital part of the relationship between the two of you. Make it fun and relax into it and your relationship will be transformed.
Next time you are together, feeling intimate, try the following exercise to deepen your knowledge of each other in relation to intimacy and sex. Lie down together somewhere warm and comfortable. Hold each other in an intimate and relaxed way. Let your bodies touch each other as much as possible. Do not talk and do not move more than necessary. Stay in this position as long as you feel is appropriate and just experience what happens. This should not lead to sex but should lead to a deep experience of each other’s energy. Feel what is happening and enjoy it. Afterwards talk about what happened with a view to expanding your knowledge of what each other felt.
The more you take on board these lessons the deeper and more powerful your sex will become. Enjoy it and share what you feel with each other.
—Photo Credit: Flickr/gaelx