Here’s something I’d like to draw your attention to, but first thing’s first; let’s establish this; policies do not govern relationships. These are matters of the heart which need to be handled with sensitivity.
Although the relationship between partners not only holds the purpose of being with each other but also who are lovable, respected, adored, admired even outside of a relationship, as individuals.
Surely there is a force of attraction towards an individual due to these qualities that are in the nascent period of dating that seems to be the prime factor of choosing this individual as a partner.
It’s also known that it’s a matter of time when this attraction fades and before it dies its slow death couples need to raise the alarm and try to revive what they had valued in each other.
It’s critical times like these when all those nurturing, pampering moments of affection surface. But what indeed none of them would like to let go of is the unspoken understanding of that person. Let these very factors remain the core binding between two such individuals.
Here Morning Lazziness shared a few points which an individual should consider before jumping into a relationship.
Trust is one of the most prominent areas that builds or breaks a relationship. Trust doesn’t define being committed to your lover but trusting the individual to be what they have always been. Trusting to understand their own level of gut feelings. If you can’t believe a person to take a stand for themselves and their beliefs, then it’s obvious that this person is likely to falter in the relationship. The key area is to trust the person you chose as your partner to remain that very person. Any doubt in any area of life be it work, health or even grocery shopping needs to be trusted upon. A stable relationship calls for trust – at all levels.
Being truthful and honest is not easy especially when you are looking at impressing someone, and that facade usually diminishes. If you are someone who is looking at someone to form a relationship with, then you ought, to be honest in all that you are. Situations change – people change, agreed. But if honesty is a trait then no matter what the circumstance is, the quality of being honest should never strike a blow. A relationship built on false hope and white lies will only crumble leaving nothing to be hopeful for. How often must your partner catch you lying to opt for break up finally? Being honest leads to good communication, that ought to work as a guarantee to strengthen many aspects of a relationship.
Much has been emphasizing on this and across all mediums – ‘Communication is the key’ if you can’t express what you feel how do you expect to be understood, cherished or even have your expectations fulfilled. Communicate – in times of showing your interest, in times of wanting to offer commitment, in times of conflict – It’s that you communicate. Without proper communication, how can anything in the relationship be definite and the rest of these values be strengthened?
Self-worth seems to be of least importance, when it comes to love, right? Wrong! If you have nothing to offer but a tarnished image of yourself you are unlikely to be respected. Empathised or Sympathised, possibly but not Respected. If you haven’t figured out why you have not been loved – well here is a lesson to keep in mind. Self-esteem not to be mistaken as ego acts as a purpose to be looked up to.
As an individual are you a happy person? Admittedly one cannot be in a state of cheerfulness at all times. The question is on what grounds are you looking to get into a relationship and expect it to be stable if you are sulking and continuously feel the lack of achievements (professional/personal- – big/small, anything). It’s necessary to validate that any healing if required is required only until the hurt prevails, would you agree? So going by that, if you are looking to heal an absolute lack of something in your ‘self’ within this relationship, you shall in a natural course move on. It’s a hard truth, and you won’t need healing or resuscitation after the pain is gone, that also would essentially mean you wouldn’t need this person you call your partner any longer. The job is done. Their role played. And now there is nothing to look up to. On the other hand, if you are a wholesome, happy person, you ought to have a consistent, fulfilling and a stable relationship. It’s a primary essential factor one should work on. Two broken don’t make anything complete they dwell over their pain over and over and over again, causing more pain and anguish. It’s imperative one knows what makes them happy and not rely on who makes ’em happy. Be happy.
That brings us to the next question. Is your relationship acting as a safety net? Good for you! But do consider this, both partners should feel the same. There’s an underlying fact – If you don’t feel safe with your significant other, then you are not in the right relationship. Being in, by all means, cannot mean to be living under threat at all times. Draw a line on your comfort zone – make sure you and your partner understand that. Set the grounding rules and both of you discuss it once and for all. No resurfacing of the topic again, ever. Just a principle you need to follow. Be safe than sorry.
How about giving this most required gift to your loved one. Be independent. Relying on each other for everything is not what the relationship needs to be based on. “We are in this together because -we want to be in it together v/s because you make me breakfast, I massage your back.” Of course, these are beautiful somethings you do for your partner, but do you see where this is going? You can’t be exchanging chores or setting schedules for each other. Be independent enough that you don’t see a lack of being yourself but dependent sufficient to make your relationship wholesome and enriched.
Along with having individual space, both also need to be a equals in your relationship. Yes, there is someone always more giving, and this could be a gratifying experience, not a measure. You aren’t looking be in a relationship, to be a mother hen or a financial advisor, you are are in it as a couple. Be together and this ought to last long. Trust me.
Previously published here and reprinted with the author’s permission.
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