It still feels weird to write that.
Only a month and a half ago, you were my entire world. You were my best friend, my confidant, my lover, my muse. Time, however, marches on, and on that march, it has little regard for times passed.
Three years ago, we met in high school, astonished that someone so compatible with our hopes, dreams, and aspirations could exist in our little town. From that moment on, we were inseparable, becoming as close as two people could be. We worked through tough times, enjoyed great times, and took on life as a united front. From the stress and the doubt of college admissions to the solo trip to London, to the pain of separation when I went to college, we were together. I will always cherish the way your family took me in and treated me like family from day one. I will be eternally grateful for everything that they did for me and my family, and I hope I added some value to their lives. I loved being able to see the potential in you and tried my best to help you realize it, and was always so proud when I saw you conquer every challenge that got put in front of you. I am so glad I got to be a part of your life.
Everything was not all sunshine and rainbows, but no relationship should be. I suffered from intense jealousy which you inspired me to seek the proper help for, making me a better person. You had confidence wobbles that I hope I helped you get through. Adolescence is a heck of a time, but we managed it together. I never felt anything but pure love from you, even at my lowest, and even though I may have struggled to show it, I hope you know that I always felt the same way.
Time, inevitably, invariably, moves on. I am about to finish my second year of university, and you your first. While my first year was tough on both of us, this year has been better for each of us personally yet damaging for our relationship. I now realize that we are at different places in life, myself looking forward and trying to draft some semblance of a plan for my future, while you need time and space to look internally and figure out who you are.
I feel no shame in admitting that when you told me that it was over I was beyond devastated. While the writing had been on the wall for some weeks, I genuinely believed that this was a patch that we could work through. I bawled when you told me how you felt, and when I said goodbye to your parents, and even harder when they insisted that it wasn’t goodbye. I went home that night with a mixed sense of numbness, existential dread, and pain. It is what happened next that makes me want to thank you.
You agreed to meet with me the day after, going against the advice both you and I were given, so that we wouldn’t leave things the way we did that night. You gave me a letter that outlined why you loved me, and one trying to explain how you felt. You inspired me, without knowing it, to not give in to my base instincts of anger and revenge, and instead handle it with the class and grace that you showed me I was capable of. You agreed to cut contact with me for all the time I needed to process this, and even though I thought of you every waking moment and wanted nothing more than to pick up the phone and call you, I drew on the strength you showed me I had to make the right choices for myself.
Above all else, you showed me that I was capable and deserving of love. You showed me that I have value as a person and should not settle for a relationship that is not strong. I appreciate that you were able to put yourself first after years of thinking about everyone else’s needs. While I can’t say I understand your decision, I am excited to see you grow and succeed and become the person that I always knew you could be.
So, to my ex,
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