One woman supports her man to build a life from nothing. But upon arriving at the pinnacle of success, falls in the arms of another woman. Then there’s the girl who thirsts for a guy who doesn’t feel the same way. Another woman waits for a ring that never comes. Yet this same man puts it on the next girl who shows up on his radar.
Women get replaced all the time. Here’s what you can do to avoid the same fate.
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Never, Ever, Be a Man’s “Stepping-Stone” Woman.
Boy meets girl, kisses her under the glare of the moonlight, and then blam! A whirlwind romance is born. A decade later, there’s no evident progression in the relationship. She feels a twinge of impatience.
“Of course I love you, babe, I’m just not ready.” Her dude responds.
Fed up, she grows some standards and hits the door. Months later, she scrolls through Instagram and sees him standing on the shores of a golden beach. A woman strapped on his arm. When the medley of emotions wanes, she does what any woman does — checks out her ex-boyfriend’s new wife.
Not sexier or hotter than me. Why her?
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A man only ever commits to a woman when he feels he has arrived at the pinnacle of what he sees as the top. (A good career, emotional connection, maturity, financial comfort, etc.)
Let’s assume you’re that girl. You’ve been together since the beginning of time. Well, almost. You’ve been the loyal woman he needed by his side. If you’ve been supporting him — as you should — he can’t help but see you as the steps to the top. Once here, something changes.
He’s no longer the boy who promised undying love under the moonlight. Now? He wants a woman who symbolizes what he feels he deserves — his ideal woman. So how do you avoid becoming a man’s “stepping-stone” woman? Ask him:
Do you see an expected outcome or are we just cruising along?
Sounds needy and desperate. But you’d rather look desperate than stay in a non-progressive relationship. You can outgrow shame, but you can’t recoup wasted years. Once the answer is in, you’ll either like it or not. If you like what you hear, lie low for a few weeks and check if his behavior aligns with his words. If nothing changes, grab your stuff, hun. It’s time.
When you express dissatisfaction, a serious man should start doing something to show you’re an essential part of his future.
You become unforgettable when you extricate yourself from a stagnant dating situation. I always say, leaving a dead relationship doesn’t make you a loser. It makes you the chooser. Don’t paint yourself in a corner hoping he’ll get an epiphany and choose you.
Don’t Be One of the Guys.
She was sassy and cool. His mates liked her. She graced barbeques. Meanwhile, many girls went in and out of his life. Sheila wondered,
“Can’t you see me? I’m right here dude!”
Here’s the truth: Most guys won’t look at you romantically if you’re one of the guys. Sure, you may light up the party but the attraction, sexual chemistry, and emotional connection won’t be there.
A man’s interest is directly linked to how attracted and connected he is to you.
So what’s a girl to do?
Drop the guy vibe.
Guys have a certain vibe. The talk, laughter, body language, hug, handshake, attitude is different from ladies. To capture his interest play on your femininity. Be sweet, emotional, warm, sensitive, gentle, tender, affectionate, etc. You’re not changing who you are; you’re becoming more of who you are.
According to Dr. Helen Fisher, a scientist at Rutgers, attraction is one of the components of romantic love. One of the ways you can become attractive is to highlight your sexuality. Men are visual. So think form-fitting clothes, clean, well-groomed hair, high hygiene standards, well-manicured nails, and a signature scent.
Noticeable equals unforgettable.
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Also, discussing his latest crush, drama queen ex? Bad idea. If he brings it up, change the subject. You ain’t his therapist, girl. Yes, I know why ladies do it — to show him that what he needs is staring him in the face — YOU. The truth? Playing relationship expert to a man you’re attracted to, will only confine you in the friend zone. Not closer.
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To be irreplaceable, don’t be a man’s “stepping-stone woman.” Have principles and elevate your standards. Embrace your femininity and sexuality.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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