It used to be that entering into a sexual relationship was a big step — or seemed like a big step – but is it really anymore? In today’s world of swiping right and relationship status updates, it’s hard to know just when is the right time to have sex with the person you are dating.
With all the various digital methods for meeting people, the whole dating world has changed. It is bit like the Wild West with new approaches and strategies emerging all the time. You can be put on the pathway to finding nearly anything these days with just a finger tap. In fact, the whole dating scene seems a bit like jumping into a real-life video game. So, if you are lucky enough to have met someone you enjoy, whether through traditional means or via an app, how do you know when it is the right time to take the next step?
It is impossible to put a firm timeline on when to initiate a sexual relationship, but there are some important factors to consider before doing so.
The initial feelings of infatuation and sexual desire at the beginning of a relationship can be very strong. So strong in fact, that they can make the urge to jump into bed hard to resist. But when sex occurs too early in the relationship it can be hard to truly get to know the person you are with and build a strong foundation. You can effectively become blinded by the overwhelming high that a new sexual relationship can bring, making it hard to see past the pleasure and really connect with the person on any other level. Relationships that start like this have a higher likelihood of failure because there was no real foundation established to begin with. There are lots of reasons why relationships die, but not creating a strong foundation of trust and friendship is one of the biggest.
Jumping into bed too soon can also leave you open to unnecessary disappointment and pain. If you are a person who feels sexual relationships occur one at a time rather than with different partners depending upon the day, you might make the assumption that the person you are sleeping with feels the same way. That could be a painful assumption to make as not everyone shares that opinion and not everyone is honest in the beginning. If you are looking for exclusivity when it comes to your intimate life you would do well to wait until you are sure your viewpoint is shared and that this is the person you want to be with. Discovering that you are the Monday man or the Wednesday woman when you thought you were the one and only isn’t where you want to find yourself.
So how long do you wait?
The answer is as long as it takes. That is, as long as it takes to get to know the person you are dating and build up trust. As long as it takes to determine that you have shared values and mutual respect for one another that is not only stated but practiced. The amount of time this will take can vary wildly. If you only see each other once a week it make take longer to get to that comfort zone than if you see each other 3-4 times a week.
Waiting and establishing a connection and feeling of trust and respect does not guarantee that you will not have regrets. A happy, long-lasting relationship requires work and qualities outside of just sexual chemistry and respect. It will, however, help lower the risk of feeling like you have made a huge mistake should things end.
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