Michael Rosker wonders why some women feel the need to train their men.
Raise your hand if your wife or girlfriend has ever thought you acted like a dog. It can be strange sometimes. You feel you are married to a sweet, loving person, but this judgment robs you both of that love. It is a pretty common assumption at some point in relationships. Recently, I had a session with a client who is certain all men are dogs, but come on guys, we all know this isn’t true. Sure, there may be a percentage that are, and quite frankly, we don’t really like those guys either, but most of us aren’t. In fact, we feel chronically misunderstood when women hurl this insult at us.
So what makes a woman believe this? First of all, you can be almost certain that her belief has nothing to do with what is currently taking place in your life. Her belief stems from something that happened to her when she was just a girl. Innocent in her youth, she may have witnessed her father or her father’s friends acting in doggish ways, like cheating on their wives or girlfriends or generally treating women with disrespect. Now, as an adult, she will always wear glasses tinted with the “all men are dogs” classic tint.
Implicit in her understanding is that men stand on the backs of women to get whatever they need. Whether it’s getting laid or needing someone to clean up after them, they will take what they want. It’s disrespectful, unkind, and low. It reduces women to socially acceptable slavery. Watching this distortion unfold as a child injured her. She sees herself develop into a woman and wants to be sure that she will never be enslaved, so she develops this belief system in order to protect herself.
What is the best way to be sure that you are never enslaved? Get control and keep it. Find a means of expression that will keep you safe. It means becoming a master dog trainer. In my client’s case, it meant working and becoming a successful model, one of the ultimate dog training businesses.
Train the men like dogs and then they will only bark, bite, sit, and heel at your command. And how do women train men? They use sex and the sex industry. And I am not just speaking of the sex industry as we traditionally define it. I am including fashion and the arts of hair and makeup as well—anything that has to do with attracting men sexually. All of these industries have to do with manipulating and training men to do and think what women want them to. This is not simply done out of power (though this is true for a different kind of woman), but because she believes that this is her only means of expression. She becomes a master dog trainer in order to have an accepted means of expressing herself.
We shouldn’t lose site of the fact that this is not done out of malice. These women don’t hate men. They hate what was done to the women in their youth. They hate the actions taken by past men to degrade and enslave women. This dog training is done out of the desperate need some women have to protect themselves from being enslaved. They fear for their own well being and freedom.
So, many women, like my client, enslave themselves in the sex industry. My client is a sweet, beautiful model. She hasn’t entered this profession for power. She has entered this profession because she simply doesn’t believe men will listen to her if she is fully clothed. She believes that this manipulation is her only voice, her only means of expression.
Sadly, what will transpire is immense frustration for these women. There will come a point when she will want a relationship that lasts. How can she have that with a partner she believes is a dog? She can’t communicate her needs or desires to a dog. All that a dog is good for this laying around the house with this tongue hanging out of his mouth. She hasn’t dignified her partner enough to express herself freely. Her communication is limited and the frustration bubbles up. Now, she can go out with her girlfriends for margaritas. For some women girl’s night out is the only forum they have left to express themselves, but girls night out is not your partner.
How does this wound begin to heal? She must begin to question this fundamental belief. Maybe all men aren’t dogs? Maybe this guy I am with is supportive. Maybe my husband is loving. Maybe my partner truly does want to stand next to me in life. She has to at least open her mind to those possibilities. And for many of us it is true. We want to stand next to these beautiful and amazing women. Despite their flaws we married them because they inspire us.
If she could begin to express her true passions and interests in life, her partner would love her. She doesn’t have to constantly express manipulation and instruct us in doggy sex tricks. In many cases it may be true that she could drop the hair, makeup and fashion tricks all together and simply stand on her expression of life and her own interests in life and her partner would love her more deeply that either may have ever thought possible. She would finally be safe and she would finally be free, not even enslaved by her own fear of slavery.