Michael Rosker wonders why some women feel the need to train their men.
Raise your hand if your wife or girlfriend has ever thought you acted like a dog. It can be strange sometimes. You feel you are married to a sweet, loving person, but this judgment robs you both of that love. It is a pretty common assumption at some point in relationships. Recently, I had a session with a client who is certain all men are dogs, but come on guys, we all know this isn’t true. Sure, there may be a percentage that are, and quite frankly, we don’t really like those guys either, but most of us aren’t. In fact, we feel chronically misunderstood when women hurl this insult at us.
So what makes a woman believe this? First of all, you can be almost certain that her belief has nothing to do with what is currently taking place in your life. Her belief stems from something that happened to her when she was just a girl. Innocent in her youth, she may have witnessed her father or her father’s friends acting in doggish ways, like cheating on their wives or girlfriends or generally treating women with disrespect. Now, as an adult, she will always wear glasses tinted with the “all men are dogs” classic tint.
Implicit in her understanding is that men stand on the backs of women to get whatever they need. Whether it’s getting laid or needing someone to clean up after them, they will take what they want. It’s disrespectful, unkind, and low. It reduces women to socially acceptable slavery. Watching this distortion unfold as a child injured her. She sees herself develop into a woman and wants to be sure that she will never be enslaved, so she develops this belief system in order to protect herself.
What is the best way to be sure that you are never enslaved? Get control and keep it. Find a means of expression that will keep you safe. It means becoming a master dog trainer. In my client’s case, it meant working and becoming a successful model, one of the ultimate dog training businesses.
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Train the men like dogs and then they will only bark, bite, sit, and heel at your command. And how do women train men? They use sex and the sex industry. And I am not just speaking of the sex industry as we traditionally define it. I am including fashion and the arts of hair and makeup as well—anything that has to do with attracting men sexually. All of these industries have to do with manipulating and training men to do and think what women want them to. This is not simply done out of power (though this is true for a different kind of woman), but because she believes that this is her only means of expression. She becomes a master dog trainer in order to have an accepted means of expressing herself.
We shouldn’t lose site of the fact that this is not done out of malice. These women don’t hate men. They hate what was done to the women in their youth. They hate the actions taken by past men to degrade and enslave women. This dog training is done out of the desperate need some women have to protect themselves from being enslaved. They fear for their own well being and freedom.
So, many women, like my client, enslave themselves in the sex industry. My client is a sweet, beautiful model. She hasn’t entered this profession for power. She has entered this profession because she simply doesn’t believe men will listen to her if she is fully clothed. She believes that this manipulation is her only voice, her only means of expression.
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Sadly, what will transpire is immense frustration for these women. There will come a point when she will want a relationship that lasts. How can she have that with a partner she believes is a dog? She can’t communicate her needs or desires to a dog. All that a dog is good for this laying around the house with this tongue hanging out of his mouth. She hasn’t dignified her partner enough to express herself freely. Her communication is limited and the frustration bubbles up. Now, she can go out with her girlfriends for margaritas. For some women girl’s night out is the only forum they have left to express themselves, but girls night out is not your partner.
How does this wound begin to heal? She must begin to question this fundamental belief. Maybe all men aren’t dogs? Maybe this guy I am with is supportive. Maybe my husband is loving. Maybe my partner truly does want to stand next to me in life. She has to at least open her mind to those possibilities. And for many of us it is true. We want to stand next to these beautiful and amazing women. Despite their flaws we married them because they inspire us.
If she could begin to express her true passions and interests in life, her partner would love her. She doesn’t have to constantly express manipulation and instruct us in doggy sex tricks. In many cases it may be true that she could drop the hair, makeup and fashion tricks all together and simply stand on her expression of life and her own interests in life and her partner would love her more deeply that either may have ever thought possible. She would finally be safe and she would finally be free, not even enslaved by her own fear of slavery.
—Photo emdot/Flickr
Many years ago an older man(about my current age) said to me “Remember young fellow, a woman takes a man foe a husband , figuring she’ll change him as she sees fit. Meanwhile, a man takes a wife hoping she’ll never change. They usually both end up dissappointed.
Great article. As a man curr ently celibate, I find myself less obsessed with getting laid all the time. As a spiritual man I absolutely refuse to sexual objectify women anymore. It is toxic to both women and men. I was a philanderer and I have now turned over a new leaf. Women can objectify men as well by thinking all men are dogs.That all men need to get laid and think only with their penises.Not true.Many men are rethinking and redefining manhood these days. This includes that men can be masculine and celibate or monagomous. Both Genders need to… Read more »
I wonder if this is merely Michael Rosker’s latest subject through which he attempts to make women look good by making men look bad, by casting women as the controlled and acted-upon, and men as the controlling actors.
Does Rosker realize that no one can be controlled without giving permission, that no one does anything without anticipating a real or perceived pay-off? Neither sex controlls the other, but each TRIES to control the other.
Rosker may be afraid to really understand either sex on a deep level.
True.
She doesn’t hate men? What?! Yes, really she does! Training anyone shows a level of contempt made breath takingly plain. She wants a real relationship now. Good for her. Maybe you can show her how to act like a real human being. Provided you can stop excusing a truly atrocious world view. I have a lot of sympathy for the trauma people suffer in their youth and the struggle to overcome it. I have little sympathy for those who use an increasingly distant past to justify continuing bad behaviour and poor judgment. Eric? Is there a writer here that can… Read more »
It’s not only what women may witness as younger people, it’s a culture of control that women discuss among themselves. I’ve argued here and other places that women have tremendous social-psychological power, even if men still have more political power. I don’t see this changing. This tendency might be less among professional and middle class women. Which is one of the attractions of feminism for them. (Need for support, having abandoned to some extent the close control and support of other women.) With working class women, the man can feel in an almost infantalized role. This could explain why there… Read more »
Women train men to “behave” because they do their hair and put on make-up? But we aren’t doing it to be mean, we are doing it because someone hurt us in our youth? WTF. I am baffeled. I will say that i never liked the idea of linking men to dogs and saying things like “men are just dogs”. But I have heard so many men same this same exact comment about themselves and their gender with a “wink, wink, aren’t I cute” attitude. So I both dislike when I hear other women say “men are just dogs” and I… Read more »
Women train men to “behave” because they do their hair and put on make-up? But we aren’t doing it to be mean, we are doing it because someone hurt us in our youth? WTF. I am baffeled. Odd I know. Perhaps he was trying to say that doing their hair and make-up are ways that some women use to get men to behave in the way they want too (I guess you could compare it to men that amass wealth in order to do the same to women)? And maybe the mention of youth is him trying to hypothesize that… Read more »
On second thought that last line should be “As if they are trying to make the dog reference a sign of sexul prowess rather than sexual weakness/vulnerability.” instead of, “As if they are trying to make the dog reference a sign of sexul prowess rather than sexual irresponsibility. “
Maybe I could make sense of this article if the author bothered to explain what he is talking about. I honestly have no idea what he means, from the first line, when he asks if I have been treated like a dog.
Yeah, the GMP has been treated to some less-than-stellar writing today. I’m not entirely certain what this author is talking about either. It seems to have something to do with how women view men.
I’m thinking the article is about getting women to think about the way they treat and think about men and how certain presumptions about men can lead women to think that they need to take certain measures to lock men down from treating them a certain way, while not noticing that by treating men that way they are also locking themselves down.
Well, I think there is some merit to having a discussion about this but again, I’m hesitant to comment because I am uncertain as to what the author is talking about. I don’t think wearing makeup is part of training men. I have heard of women who control men. I have heard of women who feel men need training. All I know is that I have two kids who have sapped my energy for training. When it comes to men, either I can live with them or I cannot. It really depends more upon their personalities and habit than on… Read more »
What he is asking is if your woman has treated you less than a human being. in other words, does she ever feel that she has to :”train” you to be the man she wants you to be. Has she felt like she had to impatiently pick up behind you as if you were not going to or were not capable of doing it yourself. Many women feel this way and do this to men. many women treat and embrace their men like animals they have to house train because they tend to feel like thier men are incapable of… Read more »
Okay, well, that clarifies things a bit. I have heard women (including my own mother) speak of training their men. But I never associated it with men’s capacity for faithfulness or respect for women. I always thought it had something to do with their inability to clean up after themselves or do housework. Interesting…