You may have heard of the ‘5 love languages’ by Gary Chapman. In a nutshell, he describes 5 different ways most of like to give and receive love. They are: words, touch, service, time, and gifts. I call this ‘love currency’, and we trade in it every day.
I’m sure there’s more than 5, but at least I can remember those on one hand. Learning to love is not rocket science. It just takes a little know-how and then a little practice.
Think about it like this. When you visit another country, one of the first things you need to do is sort out your money. You exchange your currency for theirs right.
You may have 500 Australian dollars, but if you’re in Thailand, it will buy you nothing, unless you exchange it for Baht. Funnily enough, it can be the same in relationships.
To help bulletproof your relationships, you’ll first need to know at least something about what currency your partner/wife/husband/lover likes to primarily trade in.
They’ll also need to know your love currency.
What works for you may not work for them, and vice versa.
For example, if your wife or partner enjoys ‘quality time’, and you’re trading in ‘gifts’, then buying her that new dress may not quite hit the spot you thought it would.
Though I’m sure she’d still like and enjoy your gift giving, your efforts may miss the mark, if that’s not her main love currency.
It’s not that buying her a gift isn’t a nice thing to do, but all she may need is for you to spend a little more time with her, take her for a drive to her favorite spot, to feel loved by you. You’ll save money too.
Likewise, if your husband’s love currency is ‘words’, and you’re trading in acts of ‘service’, your efforts may not be received the way you’d hoped. That’s not to say they aren’t valued or appreciated, they’re just not your partner’s main love currency.
So whilst you may go to the trouble to make him a delicious meal, all he may really need to feel truly loved by you, are a few words of encouragement. You’ll save time also.
You following my flow here?
Do you know what your own love language is? Do you know what your partners is? What currency are you trading in?
Now, this doesn’t mean that if your partner’s love language is quality time, that you should never use words of love, it just means that most of us have a preference when it comes to how we give and receive love. We all, in reality, operate in all 5.
Couples can and do easily miss trading in the right currency when it comes to love, and are then left feeling dumbfounded or even offended, as to what they did wrong.
Most of the time, they probably didn’t do anything wrong, they just didn’t know how to communicate love strongly and effectively with their partner.
So have this discussion with your partner and discover each other’s love currency. What makes you feel special to each other? What do you appreciate? When do you feel most valued by your partner?
Then, with that mutual knowledge and understanding, start trading in his or her love language just a little more, and see what a difference it can make.
Love is a verb. So get practicing. Start speaking her love language. Build up your love currency bank, and watch your relationship grow.
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