I flat out refuse to go out with anyone who is really attractive because, in my own personal experience, they are shallow, manipulative, entitled, and morally bankrupt.
That being said, even if I can’t trust them enough to give them the time of day, I still am attracted to them because I just am. Ideally, I could find myself someone who is not attractive but at the same time is not ugly, just somewhere in between. But that doesn’t seem to be working.
I figure either I’m going to have to settle for less, treat my bias, or wind up alone with just a dog and a house. I’m 23, make 60k a year stand 5 foot 10 inches any advice on this issue.
Well, you’re not wrong, GH; you basically have three options. Either you start dating people you’re not attracted to, resign yourself to being lonely… or you could go talk to an actual doctor and not a loudmouth with an advice column. Because honestly? The problem you have isn’t the problem you think you have.
I mean, yes, there’re a**holes out there. A**hole knows no gender, appearance or sexual orientation. But if you’ve convinced yourself that every beautiful person out there is an a**hole… well, there’s an aphorism about that. If you meet one as**hole, you’ve had bad luck. If you meet nothing but a**holes, then odds are that you’re the a**hole.
Because, honestly my dude? I can feel your attitude radiating from here. When it comes to dating, attitude is destiny. As the saying goes, the optimist says “I can,” the pessimist says “I can’t,” and they’re both correct. Someone who has a generally positive outlook tends to do better because a positive attitude makes you stronger. It means that you have an easier time bouncing back from failure because you look at failure and see that it’s just a temporary thing that may not have anything to do with you. It sucks, sure, but it’s also a challenge, something that you can overcome. A negative attitude, on the other hand, makes it harder. It saps your strength and motivation because you convince yourself that this setback isn’t just inconvenient, it’s permanent. It’s an eternal black mark on your life, something that can never be overcome or worked around and there’s no point in even trying. It’s just how the universe is and there’s nothing you can do.
I can certainly believe you’ve had a bad experience, even a couple of them in a row. But you’re also radiating bitterness like cheap coffee brewed with plutonium and that’s gonna put everyone off. When you roll into an interaction with someone with the attitude of “yeah, I’ve already decided you’re a b*tch,” then you’re going to piss off a lot of people before you’ve even had a chance to open your mouth. And trust me: if I can feel your attitude through your letter, then people will see you coming a long, long way away.
And trust me: your poker face ain’t that good.
Even if you were to try to date people who are just average, you’re going to have no luck. There’s not a person out there who thinks “eh, you’ll do” is sexy. They’re even less likely to be turned on by someone who’s only dating them because they feel that they’re less likely to screw him over. They don’t want someone who’s condescending to date them, they want someone who digs them. That ain’t you, and they’re going to figure that out pretty d*mn quick.
But even if you did find somebody who’s willing to put up with that attitude, you’re not going to be doing any better. Because, just between you, me, and everyone reading this? You’re not going to trust them either. You’re going to constantly be waiting for them to betray you too. Because the issue isn’t whether someone’s attractive or not, it’s that you don’t trust anyone. And at some point, they’re going to get sick of your sh*t and dump you and then you’ll be back at square one again.
So ultimately, you’ve got two choices: you can resign yourself to being angry and bitter, or you can get help. I strongly suggest you start talking to a therapist, GH, because honestly? You sound miserable. Living your life expecting people to try to manipulate or betray you is lonely and dreary. There’s a much better life out there, one that you could have… as long as you’re willing to recognize that feelz aren’t always realz and that maybe, just maybe… you’re wrong.
Go talk to a therapist, GH. Even if you never trust the pretty people ever again, you’ll be much, much happier.
Previously published here and reprinted with permission from the author.
Have you contributed before and have a Submittable account? Use our Quick Submit link here: