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Have things gotten a little stale in the bedroom lately and you are looking to spice things up a bit. Perhaps you feel like a little inspiration is in order and the idea of using porn enters your mind. Just a little porn won’t hurt, you reason, and maybe you can even watch it with your partner. Besides, it so easy to find, you might as well, right? Wrong.
No matter what struggles you are facing in the bedroom porn almost always makes them worse rather than better. Wondering how?
• Porn is (or feels like) cheating. No, you aren’t physically with another person, but you are finding sexual satisfaction with someone other than your partner, even if it is by viewing at afar. Sex is supposed to be fun, but it is also supposed to be an intimate and bonding experience. Inviting other people into your bed, even if it is on the TV or computer, breaks that intimacy. No one wants to see their partner aroused by someone else. Knowing that it can happen that easily, even though arousal may seem like a natural response to what you are viewing, can be hurtful.
• Porn is a self-esteem killer. This is true for you and for your partner. You may not recognize it right away, but watching porn will make you feel bad. In women the unspoken comparison to the women performing will make them less likely to feel uninhibited and confident in their own sexual relationships. For men, comparisons can also lead to feelings of inadequacy. In men, however, porn can have an addictive quality that negatively impacts the intimacy they have (or are supposed to have) with their partner. This can cause a vicious circle. I watch porn – I want to have sex – she’s disgusted – we don’t have sex – I want to have even more sex – I watch porn… Pretty soon the intimacy between you is gone and both partners are left feeling disengaged and unhappy.
• Porn can cause erectile dysfunction. It may seem like it would have the opposite effect, but men who watch porn routinely have a higher incidence of ED. Consider it like a drug that you build up a tolerance for. The more you have the more you need in order to achieve the same high. Pretty soon you are no longer able to react to your partner with all her perfectly imperfect flaws. For that matter, you may begin needing more and more by way of stimulation to achieve an orgasm.
• It’s demeaning and exploitive. Objectifying women (or men) by seeing them as human sex toys can create problems for you and your ability to respect people around you, including your partner. No longer do you desire sex as a connection between two people in love, but more as a circus type event with personal gratification as the only objective. The selfishness that porn viewing breeds can develop into other problem behaviors, such as gawking at women in public and making sexually harassing comments, as the role of women comes to be seen as solely to meet our sexual desires.
Many people experience problems in their relationships that are connected to porn, but do not realize it. So if you are thinking like many men that the solution to a lack-luster sex life lies in watching porn, think again. Pornography is less likely to provide inspiration as it is to create disruption. If your bedroom life needs life-support consider talking to your partner. There are lots of fun ways to experiment and create new excitement in the bedroom without porn. Those are decisions that require trust, however. Introducing pornography into your relationship ultimately destroys that trust.
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