Why Frank Heiss decided to date cougars and what he found out.
There is buzz about the cougar movement: empowered women who know what they want and how to get it; NSA and FWB sexual attention from cubs at the height of their hormones celebrating the woman’s success; young men, even boys, looking to earn sexual prowess and doing so in an equal exchange and logical occurrence. There are Kosmic reasons to rise above this. Meaningful and longer lasting bonds are not created by equality but rather polarity, akin to magnetism.
More than two years ago I made the decision to date significantly older women (up to 20 years older) and throughout my journey with those who have more life experience, I have been grateful to discover many gifts exchanged in more legitimate union. I acknowledge the reasons why I did this with the hope that a few good men may not have asked questions, the answers to which bring harmony among unlikely partners in a troubled landscape between Masculine and Feminine. The path I have chosen is not for all, but I cannot be so unique that my experience would benefit no one, so here it is. I have also acknowledged the comparatively small burdens that a man may choose to take on were he were to follow a similar path. To focus on the positive, I first reveal the benefits while also maintaining awareness of the larger picture.
THE UP SIDE
1.) Her most pressing duties of motherhood are complete
I decided at early age that I was going to make music, not babies and I’ve been through 27 years of sexual activity without a pregnancy. I take pride in that knowing I would have become a deadbeat dad and took preemptive responsibility for managing my destiny. Many young women may want kids so I know it would not be fair to have relationships with them yet women my age who are single usually have kids and are looking for a surrogate dad. While I am grateful to be a positive male role model in a young men’s lives in other ways, surrogate dad is not a position I am willing to accept.
Looking for a woman who has free time to fill?
You may want one who is older than you.
2.) Masculinity 2.0
Men today are faced with having to find new expressions of their gender that do not involve the obsolete dominant warrior model. Good men have a biological mission to provide and in a post feminist world, we are no longer needed as before. Equality is beneficial to our society in many ways, but equality does not attract, nor remain united, so the future of family is in question. Utter autonomy is a delusion, yet a dependent man is just as abhorrent as an independent woman. Like magnetism, polarity is what attracts and among equals, what reason is there to remain together other than fleeting physical attraction which makes babies, but upon separation, leaves single moms who find themselves raising children in fatherless homes. To all the single fathers out there and men who were willing to sign on for the role of surrogate dad, my hat is off to you, however…
Looking to offer your greatest gifts to a woman without having a family of your own?
You may want to try a more experienced age bracket.
Any woman who can believe that a man 10+ years younger would want to be with her is guaranteed to have healthy confidence and not be emotionally dependent. My experience is that she is rarely if ever going to nag, and not necessarily out of undue pride but rather out of emotional health, contentment; a place of self love and acceptance. This woman will not bring you down and may actually inspire your rise to new found heights.
Looking for someone unafraid to look good with you?
You may want to try a cougar.
4.) Old Fashioned
An older woman from a previous generation will appreciate chivalry. She is not going to have anything to prove. One woman I dated came right out and said one of the things she was grateful for is that I “knew how to treat a lady.” Imagine being able to praise your lover freely with little risk that she may find you insincere.
Looking to see a brilliant smile when you hold the door?
You may find that in a previous generation.
Are you looking for a partner, a running mate to keep up with you? There could be no better choice than someone who is about to retire. She may wish to make the very most of her final chapter and live life to its fullest, a companion for you to lead during the prime of your life. One woman in her sixties, twenty years older than I, suggested that we go parasailing together. Yes I’m serious.
Looking for a true side kick?
You may find that in an AARP member who has the energy.
6.) Sexual Liberation
There is a very real reason why so-called cubs seek sexual prowess with the knowledge and experience of a cougar. These women are good at it, and have been doing it so long, that if they still want to, then that means they truly know how to enjoy it.
Looking for unadulterated bliss in sexual union?
You may find that where you would not expect.
THE DOWN SIDE
1.) Emotional Baggage
Many women who find themselves single at middle age have likely been betrayed by men. You are going to have to consistently demonstrate affection toward your lady to open her heart again. A mediocre man may scoff at this reality without desire to rise to the challenge at hand and a codependent man may unconsciously choose this path to offer his Destiny rather than his Love. Stay with her… within reason but do not compromise your deepest integrity or risk losing all the trust you have earned… instantly. This is where the men will be separated from the boys. Want to find out if you have what it takes to be King Cub? This is your challenge.
2.) Financial Issues
A woman dating in her 50’s may have some financial woes from previous marriages, she may have concern regarding retirement. We as good men seek to provide, and there may not be a plan B for us. This is a golden opportunity when the woman is ready to discard feelings of ownership, having grown beyond the potentially isolating feelings that being a successful cougar can bring.
I was promiscuous in my late 20’s and even 30’s: hooking up, NSA, FWB and telling girls “don’t fall in love with me.” I’m not exactly proud of it but it had to be done to get where I am. Women, on the other hand, are often discouraged from having this beneficial growing experience and if they do have it, it will be as a cougar. If your lady is still experimenting with this behavior, don’t force her, stay or go—the choice is yours. It might not take that long if her emotional eyes are open.
3.) Life span
The chances are good you will witness your partner’s passing into the void. Make sure you are ready to sign on with this prior to pursuit. If you are skilled enough to follow your Destiny instead of blindly following her requests and she finds trust in you after all the misgivings of her past, then you have earned a great responsibility to not break her Heart.
With 6 positive and 3 negatives, these odds appear 6 to 3, and although I am not a gambling man, I will take it.
Photo: Gamma Man / flickr