Throughout my many years on this planet I have dated a plethora of individuals. Each individual came bearing their own unique circumstances. There was the guy that, after finding out my profession as a psychotherapist, unleashed his many years of family trauma. I believe he hoped of me guiding his healing. Then there was the guy that I spent years with who was more concerned with working out and other women than with our relationship. Self-absorbed guy and the mental anguish guy who found joy in nothing, ever. Co-dependent guy, who was co-dependent with everyone else other than me and insisted our relationship was unhealthy. Gas-lighting guy who dumped me because he thought I was cheating on him after I liked someone else’s Instagram picture. The list truly goes on, sadly. With each experience I thought I walked in with open arms, mind, and heart. However, something needed to change.
I began to realize that I was playing a part in all of this as well. Of course, I was!
There was safety in dating these people who were unattainable emotionally, I could be unattainable too. Dating unattainable people seems like an oxymoron in the world of dating. What it comes down to is, I really wasn’t ready for an actual partner. I just did not necessarily want to be alone all the time. Being unattainable was certainly not fair to either party involved. A much-needed break was in order to collect my thoughts.
Eventually, I learned I needed to spend some time working on myself. There must have been something going on within me. I was attracting the sort of people that were not necessarily ready for a relationship. Perhaps I was not ready for a relationship. So that is what I did. I spent some time learning to love myself fully. I took myself on dates and explored things I enjoyed. I embraced the fact I was contributing just as much to my dating catastrophes as the people I decided to date were. If I wanted better in my life, I needed to be better. Not only better for the other person but for myself as well (if not more so).
Through my journey, I learned I really enjoy being alone and the benefit of another human is just that…a benefit (not a necessity). I was not going to jump into anything and decided the next relationship would be me walking in with eyes wide open and a heart ready to love and be loved fully. I would choose to take each and every step along the way. I ended up finding the person I had been looking for all along…me!
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